Won’t You Miss the Weather?

“Won’t you miss the weather?”

That’s the question I was asked most when I shared that I was leaving California and moving back to the East Coast.

Only now, six months later, have I really been able to process that question.

Won’t I miss “THE WEATHER”?? The Weather. Really?

After living in California for 20 years, the first thought Californians have is “won’t I miss the weather?”

The short answer is easy. No.

I will miss the people I love. I will miss my friends. I will miss my church. I will miss my job, coworkers, staff, teachers, students, families.

I will even miss some of the places I loved to frequent – restaurants, the Grove, theme parks, museums, and sometimes...the beach.

I will miss seeing movies first. I love movie screenings. I love going to the Academy during Oscars week to see the shorts and animated films.

The weather is low on my list, if it makes the list at all. Mostly because I have heat intolerance so extremely hot weather is not good for me. I pass out. Also, because I love the change of seasons. Fall on the East Coast is my favorite time of year. And, I am actually one of those rare people who loves snow and colder weather. It doesn’t bother me. I can always layer up. There’s only so much you can take off when you’re hot.

But let’s get back to the original question. “Won’t you miss the weather?”

If I was leaving any other state to move to any other state, that would not be the first question.

In fact, when I’ve moved from other states to go back to California (I’ve lived there three times), no one in those other states asked me if I was moving to California for the weather.

People are my priority. Relationships, real relationships, are my priority. True friendships. Close family ties are my priority.

Even after being in Cali for 20 years (this last stretch), I never got used to being penciled in, no-shows at hosted events, flakes, not being able to visit close friends and family without calling, not seeing people I love who live in the same city - for months at a time. I never got used to people asking “Who else is coming?” when being invited to private events at my home. I never got used to not having close enough relationships that I could just come over and hang out with no agenda.

MY home was that way. Everyone knew my door was open. I had friends come over and spend the night – even though they lived locally. Sometimes they just wanted to get away, and they knew my home was the place to do that.

I hosted Thanksgiving dinner annually for those who couldn’t go back home, or those who just wanted to share a meal with family. I usually hosted Easter dinner, as well. I had annual Oscar parties. I organized birthday celebrations, for myself and for others. I coordinated group movie and theater outings. (Still do – even though I’m now 3,000 miles away!)

Back on the East Coast, not only do and will I still do those things, my friends and family here do them, as well. Game nights, girls nights out (or in), family dinners, birthday celebrations, day parties – these are regular occurrences here.

I am always welcome at my sisters’ homes. We have each other’s keys. We don’t need to call first – unless we want to confirm they’re in town.

 “Won’t I miss the weather?” Give me a break! No! I will NOT miss the weather. I will miss the people I love.

Ironically but fortunately, I see many of the Cali people I love even more than I did when I lived there so, thankfully, I haven’t had to miss them too much.

Relationships are my priority. They are what I care about. Not the weather.

Constantly Thinking…(not about the weather)

I Am That Foolish

I am that foolish that I will keep loving you after you’ve stopped loving me.

I am that foolish that even if you unfriend me – whether on social media or in real-life – I will still keep loving you. I will still keep being your friend. I will still keep praying for you.

I am that foolish that when I love you, I will forget most of the horrible things you’ve said or done.

I am that foolish that I will reach out not once, not twice, not three times, but for as long as my hope remains.

I am that foolish that I truly believe that love conquers all.

I am that foolish that I see and believe in your potential, and often ignore your reality.

I am that foolish that I believe in your dreams and will help you fulfill them, even if you don’t believe in me and mine.

I am that foolish that I love without reserve.

I am that foolish that even when I have recognized that you don’t have my best interest at heart, if you’re hurting, I will try to help you.

I am that foolish that I will never stop believing in love.

I am that foolish.

Constantly Thinking...

End Note: I am proud to be that foolish because you know who else is that foolish? Jesus.

Priorities & Perspective

A couple months ago I was launched into a health challenge. It started off seemingly small, then grew into something larger and scarier. After undergoing multiple ultrasounds, mammograms, MRIs and more invasive procedures and incisions than I care to count, I was finally declared in the clear! Everything was benign, no malignancy.

I am incredibly grateful, of course, as are all my loved ones. Most of them said, "I knew you were going to be fine." I mostly did, too.

However, even when you "mostly" believe you're going to be fine, there's a little part of you that recognizes this may be "that moment." What if this is the beginning of the end?

That tiny percentage has great power. It makes you re-prioritize and put things in perspective. Here are a few things I learned during this health crisis.

1) KNOW WHO YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE (& STOP WASTING TIME WITH SOUL-SUCKERS)
I didn't share my health challenge with everyone, just those I knew would have my best interest at heart. I shared with those who would pray with and for me. I shared with those I knew would encourage me on my darkest days. I didn't share with those who not-so-secretly wish me ill will; or those who are fond of quoting platitudes and scriptures with no depth behind them. I didn't share with those who would forget I was going through a challenge as soon as we got off the phone. Those last groups caused me to re-evaluate the people I call friends. I disengaged from toxic people, and distanced myself from some of those who were just sucking up time and energy.

2) TREASURE THE FRIENDS YOU HAVE - AND LET THEM HAVE THEIR MOMENT.
I absorbed the words and prayers of encouragement and healing from some of my sisters and brothers, without ever sharing with them what I was going through. I'm part of several support and professional groups who do great things - life groups, prayer groups, acting groups. I didn't share with all of them. Some of them are or were going through things far worse than what I was facing. I didn't need to add my situation to the pile. One of my dearest friends and mentors taught me that lesson.

When my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, years ago, I would call my friend almost every day and she would pray with me. Little did I know (because she never said) that her brother was dealing with cancer, as well. When he lost his battle, and I attended the funeral, she and I had an emotional moment together. I said, "You never said a word." She said, "I didn't have to. When I prayed for your Mom, I was praying for him as well. I didn't want to take anything away from what you needed." She is one of the most selfless people I know, and I love her dearly.

I learned from that. Sometimes your friends just need to have their moment. You don't have to add anything to it. Pray for them and you'll be praying for yourself, as well.

3) VISIT, TALK, FORGIVE, SAY "I'M SORRY" OR "I LOVE YOU"
I tend to be very demonstrative - both physically and verbally - with my love, affection, and appreciation, so I didn't really have people I was estranged from or people who don't know I love them. I don't hold grudges, and I forgive easily, so that wasn't an issue. I apologize all the time (some say too much) so that wasn't really an issue.

The "visit and talk" piece, though...This health scare did make me want to reach out to my friends and family I haven't talked to in a while. It made me have conversations with exes to let them know how much I appreciated what we had. Not looking to reconcile, just letting them know what I appreciate(d) about them, and what I appreciated about us. It made me schedule trips to see family and friends that I haven't seen in a while. It made me reach out to cousins I love and miss, friends I haven't seen or heard from in a while. We picked right up where we left off. I need to do that more often.

4) TAKE A VACATION
In addition to the important family/friend visits above, I realized I need to take a real vacation. I now actually have time off scheduled, and I plan to go some place I've always wanted to visit. So many of my friends are taking fabulous vacations, which I admire so much. I spend my days and nights working, which is important and fulfilling. But I haven't stopped to smell a rose in a very long time. I may be a superhero, but I need some down time periodically.

5) GET IT DONE
I have a couple things on my "Get it done" list (aka bucket list). I would be so disappointed with myself if I didn't complete these things before dying. The threat of dying shouldn't have to be my motivation to get them done. But since it was...consider it handled.

6) FALL IN LOVE - MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL!
Being in love is my absolute favorite thing on the planet to do! It feels great. No, not just great - absolutely amazing! It energizes me. It gives me (even more) purpose, and a reason to fulfill the purpose I already have.

I want my "happily ever after." My current lifestyle didn't allow enough time for love. How can I not have enough time for the thing that gives me the greatest joy?! This health scare triggered immediate changes in my schedule, availability and accessibility to my future husband.

I'm looking forward to and already planning more social outings, more flirting, more dates. I'm looking forward to falling, being, and remaining in love with my husband-to-be...'til death do we part.


Even a health scare can be useful and helpful. It motivated me to adjust my perspective and get my priorities straight!

Feel free to get your priorities straight without the accompanying and terrifying health scare.

Constantly Thinking...

My Favorite Christmas Memories

What are your favorite Christmas memories? Here are just a few of mine.

Tobogganing with my Dad and siblings, then coming home to drink hot chocolate and sing Christmas carols with the family, while my Mom played the piano. All-time favorite Christmas memory.

Spending Christmas with our God-family who was staying with us. The tree was filled with Christmas presents. Seeing the joy on the kids' faces was priceless.

Many of my recent favorite Christmas memories revolve around the Christmas productions I've been blessed to write, direct and produce. The behind-the-scenes stories are what create the unforgettable memories.

The Gift Giver - during our first run of this sweet play, we had auditions for the little ones who had to go see Santa. Every time they sat on our talented actor's lap, they completely forgot their scripted lines. When he asked them, "And what would you like for Christmas?" They'd respond with their actual Christmas list. It was sweet, precious and hilarious.

A Christmas Wish - during our second run of this touching production, our amazing lead actor was actually a former member of the military - similar to the role he was playing. He was scheduled to be in a wedding out of state for the final night of the production. We prayed for a miracle, and sure enough, circumstances shifted and he was able to stay for the full run of production. He brought his daughters to see the show and shared that the play made them even closer.

The first time we did Emmanuel - God With Us. The lives that were changed. The life-long friendships that were formed. My parents flew out for the show. Their lives were changed.

Starting the family tradition six years ago of flying to the East Coast to spend Christmas with one of my very best friends.

Christmas is and has always been a special time of year for me. I love the music, the decorations, the food, but especially the spirit of giving and time spent with family and friends.

I enjoy my Christmas memories from years' past, and I love creating new Christmas memories.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Top Ten Things I Miss

These are the top ten things I'm missing today. It is interesting that so many of my friends and loved ones have shared that they're missing the same things...

1) The sound of my mother's voice...and her infectious laughter
 
2) My father's brilliance, sense of humor and charm

3) Hearing "Good morning, baby" from the love of my life

4) My Aunt Trudie's unconditional love and never-ending wisdom

5) Living near family and close friends

6) The freedom of being a young adult, without all the pressures of life

7) Unforgettable, firework-inducing, leg-buckling kisses

8) Being married

9) Rocking my infant son to sleep

10) The butterflies that come from being in love


And yet, I'm happier, more hopeful, and more determined than I've been in a long time.  Life is presenting beauty again and I'm embracing it. I gladly live in the present. I remember the past fondly. I look forward to the future. I am happy and content in my here and now.

Constantly Thinking...

If It Don't Fit, Don't Force It

Don't try to force friendships. True friendships are mutual and don't require it.

If you find yourself always taking the lead in your friendships or relationships (always making the first call, always sending the first text, always scheduling the dates), back off. When people value something, they let it be known.

The other thing to consider is that your role in those relationships may not be one of mutual friendship and value. You may be there to counsel the person, or be a lifeline - an encourager - to them when they need it. That's a great thing, as long as you recognize it. If you're expecting that behavior to be reciprocated and it isn't, you may get your feelings hurt.

If you're one of the people who tends to use people as counselors, but call them friends, you may need to re-evaluate, as well. Ask yourself if you'd still be "friends" with the person if they stopped being your sounding board for several months.

Most people have very few "mutually valued, mutually beneficial friendships" where they can both listen and share, lovingly counsel and receive loving counsel.

Almost all relationships have value. It's just important to realize what type of relationship you're in.

Constantly Thinking...

Social Media Faux Pas

I know it seems like we can, should, and do only communicate with our friends, family and acquaintances via social media - FB, Twitter and Instagram.

But here's the thing about social media...
It's a great form of communication for acquaintances, whose numbers we don't have anyway.
It's a great way to stay updated with distant friends and relatives.
It's a great marketing tool for business and casual acquaintances.
It's "another" form of communication for those who are close to us.
It's a great general way to keep "the masses" informed about what's going on with you on a surface level. 

HOWEVER...
It doesn't replace real relationships.
It shouldn't be used for resolving (or exposing) relationship issues.
It shouldn't replace real conversation.
It's not for sharing personal messages (that should be sent or spoken directly to a friend or family member).

My friend, Justin, made the mistake of tweeting what should have been a personal message to Madonna for her birthday.

https://celebrity.yahoo.com/news/justin-timberlake-calls-madonna-ninja-her-birthday-sparks-134500779-us-weekly.html

He should have made a personal call or sent a private text. Some would say he shouldn't have said it at all - but that's between Justin and Madonna and their personal relationship. We all have that friend or loved one that we jokingly call out of their name, not necessarily profanely so, but still inappropriate in mixed company.

My nicknames, pet names, code names and trash talk names between me and my friends or my man will not be posted or tweeted for all the world to see. Some stuff is just between you and them. JT's backlash was swift and fierce, but he's a fast learner. He'll be all right. Hopefully, those who need to will learn from his mistake, though.

Constantly Thinking...and posting, tweeting, blogging, texting, writing, calling and talking face-to-face!

Don't Poke the Bear!

Before I became a Christian, I suffered no fools. If you were an idiot, rude, or you approached me inappropriately, I told you off – regardless of your age or position. I straightened you out, or kicked you out of my life if you wouldn’t get straight – with a quickness.

As it related to dating, men had to come correct or not at all. My dad, only somewhat jokingly, declared that I had a revolving door policy. Treat me right or else you’d disappear!

Second chances were rarely given.

Before I became a Christian, I had an unchecked, super sharp tongue that would shred friend and foe alike. I still have a super sharp tongue – I just know how to keep it in check. If it cuts now, it’s intentional.

After becoming a Christian, I learned all about mercy and temperance. Mercy is still not my strong suit, but I operate more frequently in it. The temperance piece was easier to adapt to my life.  I tamed my tongue and my temper and began operating in love.

The challenge is that in quieting my tongue and my temper, I also muted my intuition – the Holy Spirit within me. The red flags would raise and I would subdue and restrain them along with my fiery temper and my razor-sharp tongue. I began to let people into my life and my heart against my better judgment, against the red flags, against the Holy Spirit. I let them remain in my life because I’d learned all about love and mercy. I believed the best in everyone and ignored the screaming signs and warnings! I was merciful and temperate, but foolishly so.

The predators saw my softening and pounced! They saw me drop my guard – or recognized it was down when they met me – and they came like a flood, armed with Deception and the Weapon of Conviction.

The Weapon of Conviction                                                             

You see, there are those who specifically prey on strong Christians and other good people by mistreating, deceiving or taking advantage of them. Then they beat them over the head with the Weapon of Conviction. “Why are you accusing me of doing something wrong? Are you judging me? Doesn’t the Bible say not to judge? Okay, maybe I am or was doing a little something wrong. But what about mercy? Doesn’t the Bible say to forgive and have mercy?”

For years, those people played me like a harp. To my detriment, I learned all about Deception and the Weapon of Conviction. I say “to my detriment” because it’s been through experience. I also now realize that it’s been to my benefit, because I can now see them when they’re being wielded as a weapon.

Don’t get me wrong. Conviction itself is a good thing, when revealed and self-administered as directed by the Holy Spirit. And I have no regrets for learning about mercy. It’s useful with children and people who are struggling with doing the right thing. I have no regrets about learning how to tame my tongue and my temper. I use them only when needed now. I’m in control of them instead of the other way around.

I have found my balance. I can be as shrewd as a snake and as innocent as a dove at the same time. I may have learned them one at a time – shrewdness first, then innocence – but now they’ve combined to form a stronger, wiser woman.

After several relationships and friendships with imposters whose intention was or is to do harm to good people, predators who come armed with deception and the weapon of conviction in case they’re called on their crap, I say this:

The line has been drawn. I have thrown down the gauntlet. You’ve played me – and played with me – one time too many. If you come at me wrong, with deception, ugliness, cruelty, or with any other weapon, be prepared for war. I am now armed and dangerous, as well, and I will fight back. 

Don’t poke this bear.

Constantly Thinking…

My Facebook Kingdom

Facebook is like creating your own community (neighborhood, high school, college) of people you like and enjoy – regardless of where they live on the planet.

My FB community is a monarchy, not a democracy. In fact, it’s more than a community – it’s a Kingdom, my own personal Facebook Kingdom! I am the Queen, Her Royal Highness, of my FB Kingdom. I’m the only one who makes the rules on my page and with my friends. I can choose not to allow someone into my FB Kingdom. Complete strangers are almost always declined.

My Facebook friends are family members, friends, co-workers (current and past, and possibly future), church members, and friends of friends (and family members) who I find interesting or enjoyable enough to invite into my personal FB community.

Like other Royal Leaders, I set the tone of my FB Kingdom – positive or negative, light-hearted and humorous or cynical and cutting.  My Kingdom tone tends to lean toward positive, light-hearted, humorous, deep, random and informative.

Here’s the most incredible thing: All of my FB citizens are also Royal Leaders (Kings and Queens) of their own FB Kingdoms! It’s truly amazing!

In all honesty, I rarely visit other FB Kingdoms, but when I do, I can tell how their King or Queen rules by the posts they make or allow. Since it’s not for me to judge someone else’s Kingdom, I usually just stay on my side of the moat, unless their King or Queen and I are kindred spirits or Allies, as it were.

Personal visits are not actually required. My FB Royal Newsfeed allows me to learn what others are doing in their Kingdoms. I will admit I most enjoy the funny postings from the Court Jesters. They bring me personal joy! I frequently share these with my FB Kingdom Citizens.

Many Royal Leaders feel that the more people “friends” they have in their FB Kingdom, the more their value increases. I beg to differ. I have no desire to allow random strangers or barely known associates into my FB Kingdom. I am proud to have a strong Kingdom made up of widely varied members who all have value to me. Conservatives and liberals, military and civilian, young and mature, married and single, male and female, from CEOs to entry level, from highly intelligent to…still seeking knowledge – all make up my very valued Kingdom citizens.

In my Kingdom, it’s not the quantity, it’s the quality.

In my FB Kingdom, if I find I don’t actually like someone, or if they’re suddenly being rude or obnoxious, I can exile them. Unfortunately, I have had to “unfriend” and even “block” citizens who are causing unnecessary disturbance or offense to my FB Kingdom or its citizens.

Sometimes, I put the offensive ones on a temporary timeout “Restricted” status because I don’t want to fully exile them. They still have value to my FB Kingdom, but until they calm down and act like a good citizen, I can’t have them offending me or others in my FB Kingdom. Sometimes, quite unexpectedly, FB randomly restricts someone for me. (My sister and I have found this to be the case, at which time a Royal re-boot is necessary.)

Like an actual Kingdom, very few of my FB members actually have the opportunity to interact with Her Royal Highness personally. Less than a third of my community members have my phone number or even my email address.

For security reasons (and to avoid offense), I have even changed my FB Kingdom settings to allow my Royal online visits to be private. Only my small inner circle (Roundtable) can see when I’m online.

Here’s where my Kingdom, and Royal Leadership Style, differs from many others: I don’t require nor expect my FB Kingdom citizens to “Like” all of my posts or decrees. I don’t take it personally when they don’t. I don’t require nor expect my FB Kingdom citizens to comment or post on my page for holidays, my birthday or even when I decree great news in my Kingdom. It’s appreciated, of course, but it doesn’t determine whether or not they’re loyal, friendly, loving citizens. Their “likes” don’t determine the quality of my Royal Decrees (posts). My Royal worth is also not determined by how many FB Kingdom citizens (friends) I have.

Yes, I enjoy Facebook and all its many Kingdoms, but it’s virtual. It’s not real life. It’s not real relationship. It’s just a tool to connect from afar. It’s an opportunity to frame or create a personal community of people we love, like, and admire. It’s a way to touch large groups of people at once, a way to play games with people living thousands of miles away.

It’s not designed and shouldn’t be used to determine our worth, replace real connections (face-to-face or voice-to-voice time), or confirm that we’re loved.

My Fellow FB Citizens, Kings and Queens – don’t lose your perspective. Enjoy your virtual FB Kingdoms and make the most of them. Don’t let them rule you.

Constantly Thinking….

POST BLOG NOTE:

In my real-world Kingdom, the rules are mostly the same. I am the ruler of my heart and mind, guided by my Holy King. I am both Queen and citizen. I determine who I will let into my inner circle (my close friends). It’s the quality, not the quantity that matters – although I do tend to make friends quite easily. I interact with many other kingdoms, kings and queens – great and small, good and bad. However, I set the tone of my house. My perspective is determined by me, not by circumstances or other people’s kingdoms.