Just Say No

"I'm sorry, I won't be able to make it."

Not “I’ll try. I’ll see. Maybe. If nothing else comes up.”

Just – “I’m sorry, I won’t be able to make it.”

or

"Yes! I'm coming."

And then go.

If something truly does come up after you've RSVP'd "Yes," call with a humble, heartfelt apology. Things do happen periodically. People are very understanding when you're honest and upfront with them.

Being left hanging with no real response is hurtful, frustrating and unkind.

Your word is your bond. You will feel so free, empowered and unburdened when you just simply decline.

Constantly Thinking...

Unactionable Love

Some love is unactionable. You can feel it, strongly. It can even be mutual. Acting on it, however, is not an option. Acting on it actually destroys it.

Unactionable love is different than "forbidden love," although they are very similar. Forbidden love speaks on its desire. Forbidden love often takes action.

Conversely, unactionable love typically stems from strong character and unwavering integrity. Acting on it, or even speaking on it, can fracture one or both of those. Forbidden love sometimes seems to grow stronger when engaged.

Unactionable love can be due to any number of reasons. It may be the unavailability of one or more person. It can be due to the position the parties hold. It can occur when distance prevents a real relationship.

I have experienced unactionable love multiple times - for all of the reasons above.

Here's the thing, though...unactionable love still feels good. The emotions are still sincere. It's based on huge admiration and respect. Nothing needs to be said or done or even acknowledged.

An emotionally mature person can simply just enjoy the beauty of it.

I will say this... an emotionally "immature" or broken person is compelled to act on love, regardless of whether or not they should. That's the "forbidden love" state of mind. I've been there, too.

Once.

In a hugely broken state, I acted on a love that was not just unactionable but forbidden. It literally destroyed me. That's one of those mistakes you do NOT make twice.

Now, coming from a significantly healthier and self-aware place, I can enjoy the warmth of the love, even as it remains unactionable. There is no temptation to breach it by acting on it. That would actually be counter-productive because, once you act on it, the love immediately begins to fade. It has to because it's based on character and integrity. If the character or integrity changes or weakens, inevitably, the love is affected.

For now, I am absolutely content recognizing that my heart is indeed a very active muscle, healthy and strong. It has not hardened or shriveled up into an almost non-existent raisin. I also love how well my heart communicates with my brain and my spirit now. A healthy heart stays in check as it realizes what's on or off-limits. Unhealthy hearts (and minds) can't do that.

I say "for now" I'm content because my heart knows that the one for me, the one I'm allowed to love without reserve, without barriers or boundaries, is coming. I'll need a healthy heart to be ready for him.

Most importantly, I'm excited and encouraged that my happy and healthy heart still has the ability to recognize and be engaged by greatness, and after doing so...it skips a beat, or beats faster.

Love is the best feeling in the world, unactionable or not. 

Constantly Thinking...

All That And A Bag of Chips

I don't say it often, in fact, I never say it, but I am all that AND a bag of chips!

It drives me crazy and makes me angry that so many people underestimate me because I don't brag about my accomplishments, or pitch my unique ideas nonstop, or constantly broadcast my skills and abilities.

I don’t obnoxiously state in meetings, “Um, I just said that!” when someone else repeats my ideas and gets accolades for them.

I don’t dispute people who tell me that others who are doing what I’ve done are brilliant.

I don’t shout my resume and achievements from the rooftop or on social media.

Do I feel the sting when people I love or greatly respect underestimate me or dismiss my suggestions, only to welcome them as the greatest thing since sliced bread when they come from someone else? OF COURSE I DO!

Still, I don’t compare. I don’t convince. I don’t defend.

You know why?

Because, to me, people who do that seem desperate, insecure and sometimes even rude. If you have to tell someone you’re smart and talented, you’re not that smart and talented. (Similarly, if you have to tell someone you’re nice, beautiful, saved, grown, then you’re not that nice, beautiful, saved or grown!)

I have had professional colleagues tell me I need to promote myself more. Perhaps people who do that are actually brilliant sales people. Perhaps I am missing huge opportunities because people had no idea… because I never said.

On the off-chance that that’s true, here’s my one time.

I am the goose that lays the golden eggs. You have an “unsolvable” problem? Bring it to me and I’ll find a solution. You need to introduce a new concept? Bring it to me and I’ll come up with a creative campaign that will blow your mind. You need to inspire or reignite a stagnant team or company? Put me at the helm or hire me to do a team-building seminar. Seriously.

Here's the thing, though…

If you have me on your team and you’re not smart, savvy or discerning enough to realize what you’ve got until you lose it…shame on you! That’s your bad, and your loss.

Constantly Thinking…

P.S. Why am I ranting tonight? A friend of mine shared not too long ago that trend-setters rarely achieve fame, fortune and success. That first trailblazer is often looked at as crazy. I agree with him completely. The truly brilliant people are the ones who can spot the trailblazers, support them, and market them.

Nothing is more devastating to a trailblazer than finding out someone you thought was a rare supporter has just ascribed one or more of your ideas to someone else. “Wait. What? You and I just had that conversation…”

When that happens, you kind of want to rant!