Contempt is different than anger. It’s different than irritation. It’s more similar to disgust and disdain. The object of contempt is someone you can barely stand to be around.
I’m familiar with contempt. I’ve felt it toward a handful of people. Not toward anyone that I love, though.
I’ve also been the recipient of contempt from a myriad of other people. It’s okay if it’s mutual. I’ve had that happen. But when it’s from someone you deeply love and feel close to, someone you don’t feel contempt for, it’s immediately heart-breaking and often surprising.
You see, there’s a look and a tone of contempt that speaks volumes. If it’s from someone you love, it feels like daggers of ice going through your heart. For those of us who are extra sensitive, tears will likely spring to your eyes. (As they did mine recently.)
In Psychology Today, it says “contempt is the cold version of hate.” It’s even more destructive and painful than hate.
So how do you overcome it? How does someone who feels contempt stop feeling that way? I don’t know. I’m not sure it’s even possible.
How do you, as the recipient of contempt, process it and heal from it? Well, I don’t know if you ever “heal” from it if it’s from someone you love. I still experience pain when I think of people I considered best friends who treated me with contempt. For self-preservation, I distanced myself from them. But I still miss what I thought we had.
Contempt makes you question everything. Was the relationship real? Or was the contempt always there below the surface?
Here are the only solutions I have found:
• Love yourself and recognize your own value. Don’t allow that one person’s opinion or treatment of you to make you feel less than. Even if you love them with all your heart, they are still only one person. They don’t have to dictate how you feel about yourself.
• Spend time with people who truly love and value you, and who you love and value. Don’t be so consumed by the one that you ignore those who earnestly desire a healthy relationship with you.
• Write a letter to the person who treated you with contempt, but DON’T mail it or send it. Just write it to get the emotions off your heart.
• If you feel contempt for someone, you can still treat them with kindness – by not being around them or not speaking to them. Allow them their dignity by distancing yourself from them. Your eyes, words and tone give away your true feelings. NOTE: If you still have a strong urge to hurt them, that’s more hate and anger than contempt. There’s actually some hope left with those emotions.
Emotions are a complicated concept – both to feel and to express. People who love deeply and people who are extra sensitive are likely to feel the greatest joy and the deepest pain, as I can attest.
Loving deeply, to me, is still worth it.
Constantly Thinking…
