Some Things You Just Never Get Over

A few days ago, I quite unexpectedly had the scab ripped off of an old wound. Not a physical wound - although the reminder of the loss and betrayal did cause physical pain. An emotional wound, with an emotional scab, was unintentionally re-injured. Not only did (and do) I have to re-deal with the pain, I have to deal with the frustration that I am still even able to feel pain about this same situation...years later.

A surprisingly wise man (sorry, wise man, it was a good surprise, though...:-) told me that even when some wounds finally heal, they still leave a scar. He could speak from experience. He had a horrific car accident years ago and the reminder scar remains although, for all intents and purposes, he's healed.

That got me to thinking about those things and people and events that you never, ever get over.

Life-changing or unforgettable events - great and tragic:
- The event mentioned above - the car accident - not only physically scarred him, it emotionally scarred me...for life. It was singularly the most terrifying and traumatic situation I've ever lived through.
- Many women know that having a baby - especially the first one - is an unforgettable, and usually incredibly joyful, experience.
- First dates with great loves are unforgettable. My first date with my "first" love, my birthday date with one of the great loves of my life are two dates that I will never forget nor get over. They are the standard by which I measure all other dates.

The death of a loved one - especially a child, a spouse, a parent, or a soulmate:
- If I think too deeply about my aunt - my mentor, the first (and possibly only) person who truly "got" me - my eyes still fill with tears. She changed my life.
- My dad was one of the most loved and lovable, hilarious and brilliant men I have ever known. Most of the time I can tell his stories and quote his many quotables without sadness, just laugh and laugh. Sometimes, however, that laughter turns into tears as I realize just how much I miss him. I'm so thankful he chose my Mom so that I (and my sister) could have the benefit of being raised by such an amazing man.

The loss of true love:
- The breaking, tearing, rending of a covenant is heart-breaking. Regardless of the cause, no words can describe the sense of loss and failure you feel when the lifelong covenant you chose to enter into is dissolved.
- In addition to my ex-husband, I've had two great loves in my life. With "great love" comes an enormous amount of memories and experiences. Unexpectedly, a song, a movie, a smell, a phrase...will send you back in time to relive a special moment. Sometimes, as it was a few days ago, the reminder is not that sweet. Sometimes the reminder is a casual mention of the betrayal or the betrayer.

Regardless of the memory trigger, loss of great love and loss of loved ones leaves more than just a wound with a scab, it leaves a lifelong scar on your heart.

Fortunately, in addition to those devastating scars, our hearts are also covered with wonderful threads and patches of gold from the positive life-changing, unforgettable events we've experienced in our lives, as well as the life-affirming, life-enhancing true love from a mentor or genuine loved one.

Today, I will have to focus on that. I'll have to force myself to do it. I'll compel myself to think about my aunt, who loved me completely and unconditionally, and changed me and my life for the better.

She's one person I'm glad I will never get over.

Constantly Thinking...(and feeling...and healing...)

The Terror of Technology

Yesterday, I went through Stressful Situation #1 for a parent: not being able to find my son David. I was picking him up from school, and we have a usual "pick-up spot." However, his high school (which is on a college campus) has a new building, so he was waiting there instead. We couldn't call or text each other because he didn't have his cell phone (it was broken but has now been replaced). I had one of his school friend's in the car with me and he didn't know where David was either - although they'd had the same last class. I called the mother of his traveling buddy to see if perhaps David was with him on the train and had forgotten I was picking him up. Nope.

Ultimately, we found each other, of course.

However, as we looked for him, I shared with his classmate, "When I was growing up, we didn't have cell phones. We had to make a plan, in advance, and then keep it."

He said something to the effect of, "That must have been awful."

I replied, "Actually, it wasn't. We had to determine all the details - when, where and who - in advance. And then we had to keep our word. There was no 'I'll hit you up later and we can figure out where we're meeting.' There was no, 'I'll text you when I'm on campus and then you can let me know where to pick you up.' We had to think about and discuss all things in advance. 'I'll pick you up at 4pm at the red building.' Period."

Thinking about it, this is yet another side effect of this "immediate society" we're living in - no advance thinking. It definitely has its pros, of course, but there are some cons, as well. We wonder why our children (and many adults) don't think past the right now. They give no consideration to what's going to happen next year, next month, next week, tomorrow - or even later this afternoon! It's just an unfortunate byproduct of this immediate society.

We don't make plans - because things could change in an instant (depending on who sends us a text). We don't commit to anything because we may get a better offer, or we have to "see what's going on later."

Don't get me wrong - I like flexibility, spontaneity and impromptu activities. But shouldn't we have a balance? Should we really all be at the point where we can't even function - manage our day-to-day activities, find our children, meet up with friends - without a cell phone, iPad or other technology?

We just can't be that dependent on our devices. I know I can't. If I can't find my son because he doesn't have a working cell phone with him then something is wrong with the world.

We have back-up generators for power outages, bottled water for contaminated water issues, earthquake (or other emergency) packs with canned and dry food for natural disasters. But what about a technology outage? How many of us would be prepared if our technology suddenly stopped working?  One massive solar flare and this whole thing could be a problem. Do you have your contacts stored in a non-technology manner. Dare I say it? On"paper." Let's say a solar flare knocked out power and technology/satellites, etc. Could you function? If your electrical power, cell phone and computer wouldn't work but you could still use a land-line, would you be able to call anybody or all your phone numbers stored in your phone, unmemorized? Without technology, could doctors and nurses give medication? Could pilots fly a plane? Could you "navigate" yourself around your city...with an actual "map"?

These things haven't always existed...there has to be a way! 


Consider this challenge: Challenge yourself, your husband or wife, your children, or your best friend to go one day without your cell phone (or other technology). Don't do it on a day when you're all at home doing nothing, but on a busy day with lots of activities, so you'll have to figure out everything IN ADVANCE. Watch how much more you communicate, and how well (or poorly) you figure out the details.

I know a few people who have done this to "unplug" for a while. Not quite the same. Don't unplug from the world, just try unplugging from your technology (with family or a group of friends)...every now and then.

(Don't think I don't recognize the irony of you reading this "blog" to receive this message...LOL)

Constantly Thinking...