Keep Shining: A Reminder to Live

I lost a friend last night. She was 41-years-old with five wonderful children ages 8-19. Her heart just stopped beating. I'm so heart-broken.

I'm reminded and reminding all my A-type friends, family members and mentors to take care of themselves. Live in and enjoy the present. Tell and show those you love or care about that you do before it's too late.

Follow your heart and your dreams. We spend so much of lives in obligation, silently unhappy and unfulfilled, dying inside.

Many people think following your dreams means giving up work or not working for others. That's not everyone's dream. Many people are happy and fulfilled being part of a great team that's doing great work.

Many people enjoy their day-to-day work because it affords them the opportunity to have a lifestyle they enjoy; to be able to spend time with their family and friends, travel, go on adventures.

Fulfillment is different for everyone. We can't impose our own version of happiness and fulfillment on people we care about. We also can't disregard our hopes and dreams just to "make ends meet."

That's not living. That's existing.

Take time today to smell the roses, say "I love you," get back on the path to your purpose, change a life, laugh, rest, exercise, eat right, and love without reserve.

Tomorrow is not promised. Keep shining.

Constantly Thinking...(through my tears)

Just Say No

"I'm sorry, I won't be able to make it."

Not “I’ll try. I’ll see. Maybe. If nothing else comes up.”

Just – “I’m sorry, I won’t be able to make it.”

or

"Yes! I'm coming."

And then go.

If something truly does come up after you've RSVP'd "Yes," call with a humble, heartfelt apology. Things do happen periodically. People are very understanding when you're honest and upfront with them.

Being left hanging with no real response is hurtful, frustrating and unkind.

Your word is your bond. You will feel so free, empowered and unburdened when you just simply decline.

Constantly Thinking...

Unactionable Love

Some love is unactionable. You can feel it, strongly. It can even be mutual. Acting on it, however, is not an option. Acting on it actually destroys it.

Unactionable love is different than "forbidden love," although they are very similar. Forbidden love speaks on its desire. Forbidden love often takes action.

Conversely, unactionable love typically stems from strong character and unwavering integrity. Acting on it, or even speaking on it, can fracture one or both of those. Forbidden love sometimes seems to grow stronger when engaged.

Unactionable love can be due to any number of reasons. It may be the unavailability of one or more person. It can be due to the position the parties hold. It can occur when distance prevents a real relationship.

I have experienced unactionable love multiple times - for all of the reasons above.

Here's the thing, though...unactionable love still feels good. The emotions are still sincere. It's based on huge admiration and respect. Nothing needs to be said or done or even acknowledged.

An emotionally mature person can simply just enjoy the beauty of it.

I will say this... an emotionally "immature" or broken person is compelled to act on love, regardless of whether or not they should. That's the "forbidden love" state of mind. I've been there, too.

Once.

In a hugely broken state, I acted on a love that was not just unactionable but forbidden. It literally destroyed me. That's one of those mistakes you do NOT make twice.

Now, coming from a significantly healthier and self-aware place, I can enjoy the warmth of the love, even as it remains unactionable. There is no temptation to breach it by acting on it. That would actually be counter-productive because, once you act on it, the love immediately begins to fade. It has to because it's based on character and integrity. If the character or integrity changes or weakens, inevitably, the love is affected.

For now, I am absolutely content recognizing that my heart is indeed a very active muscle, healthy and strong. It has not hardened or shriveled up into an almost non-existent raisin. I also love how well my heart communicates with my brain and my spirit now. A healthy heart stays in check as it realizes what's on or off-limits. Unhealthy hearts (and minds) can't do that.

I say "for now" I'm content because my heart knows that the one for me, the one I'm allowed to love without reserve, without barriers or boundaries, is coming. I'll need a healthy heart to be ready for him.

Most importantly, I'm excited and encouraged that my happy and healthy heart still has the ability to recognize and be engaged by greatness, and after doing so...it skips a beat, or beats faster.

Love is the best feeling in the world, unactionable or not. 

Constantly Thinking...

All That And A Bag of Chips

I don't say it often, in fact, I never say it, but I am all that AND a bag of chips!

It drives me crazy and makes me angry that so many people underestimate me because I don't brag about my accomplishments, or pitch my unique ideas nonstop, or constantly broadcast my skills and abilities.

I don’t obnoxiously state in meetings, “Um, I just said that!” when someone else repeats my ideas and gets accolades for them.

I don’t dispute people who tell me that others who are doing what I’ve done are brilliant.

I don’t shout my resume and achievements from the rooftop or on social media.

Do I feel the sting when people I love or greatly respect underestimate me or dismiss my suggestions, only to welcome them as the greatest thing since sliced bread when they come from someone else? OF COURSE I DO!

Still, I don’t compare. I don’t convince. I don’t defend.

You know why?

Because, to me, people who do that seem desperate, insecure and sometimes even rude. If you have to tell someone you’re smart and talented, you’re not that smart and talented. (Similarly, if you have to tell someone you’re nice, beautiful, saved, grown, then you’re not that nice, beautiful, saved or grown!)

I have had professional colleagues tell me I need to promote myself more. Perhaps people who do that are actually brilliant sales people. Perhaps I am missing huge opportunities because people had no idea… because I never said.

On the off-chance that that’s true, here’s my one time.

I am the goose that lays the golden eggs. You have an “unsolvable” problem? Bring it to me and I’ll find a solution. You need to introduce a new concept? Bring it to me and I’ll come up with a creative campaign that will blow your mind. You need to inspire or reignite a stagnant team or company? Put me at the helm or hire me to do a team-building seminar. Seriously.

Here's the thing, though…

If you have me on your team and you’re not smart, savvy or discerning enough to realize what you’ve got until you lose it…shame on you! That’s your bad, and your loss.

Constantly Thinking…

P.S. Why am I ranting tonight? A friend of mine shared not too long ago that trend-setters rarely achieve fame, fortune and success. That first trailblazer is often looked at as crazy. I agree with him completely. The truly brilliant people are the ones who can spot the trailblazers, support them, and market them.

Nothing is more devastating to a trailblazer than finding out someone you thought was a rare supporter has just ascribed one or more of your ideas to someone else. “Wait. What? You and I just had that conversation…”

When that happens, you kind of want to rant!

I Love You - That's Right, I Said It!

When you love someone, you have to let them know.

Whether it's your spouse or romantic interest, your child, your parent, your siblings or other family members, your friends, your employees, or your boss, if you truly love them, let them know.

People are gone from our lives in an instant. The regret you will feel from not sharing your heart will always outweigh and outlast the fear of rejection you may experience. Just say it!

I love deeply. It's a characteristic I'm most proud of, even though it's also my Achilles heel.

I'd rather die having loved deeply, with scars all over my heart, than live a life of always playing it safe and never loving or saying "I love you."

My obit will say:
Regardless of anything else she did - right or wrong - she sure knew how to love.

Constantly Thinking...and Loving

P.S. Just say it!

Make Me Laugh and I'll Love You Forever

Laughter creates the most memorable moments for me.

I know for some, pain creates more memories. With painful experiences, I typically confront them, assess them, process them, then move on from them.

Joyful and hilarious experiences, however, I allow to remain forever in my memories. The more I recall them, the funnier they get. They create an unbreakable bond between me and those who experienced them with me.

The hardest relationships for me to get over have been those where we had a lot of shared laughter. For those where laughter was rare, the healing was easier. This applies to both romantic relationships and friendships.

My Mom and Dad both had exceptional senses of humor. Laughter was a staple in our home. At night, I'd hear them cracking each other up downstairs in front of the television or in the privacy their bedroom. Their laughs were so contagious, I'd laugh just hearing them laugh, even though I had no idea what they were laughing about.

Laughter is life-giving. When you find someone you can laugh with, truly laugh...that relationship is worth holding onto for life.

That's what life is all about, I've decided. Love and laughter. Laughter and Love.

Constantly Thinking...

The Craziness of Chemistry

Not all chemistry needs to be acted upon.

Just because you have chemistry with someone doesn't mean you're romantically attracted to them. Sometimes you are.

Just because you're attracted to someone, doesn't mean you need to get romantically involved with them. Sometimes you do.

Chemistry is powerful, but chemistry can also be misleading.

Chemistry is an incredible force. You can have chemistry with someone that you're not romantically attracted to, but the chemistry can make you think you are.

Chemistry can be present with people of the same sex.

You can meet someone and the chemistry can be so strong and so immediate that you'll swear it's love at first sight! (And it may be...but it doesn't have to be.)

My theory about chemistry is that it's a force, like electricity. We experience chemistry when our paths are either destined to cross or when the intersection of our paths will lead to something powerful or life-changing.

For instance, let's say you meet someone you're supposed to professionally partner with five years down the road. Together, you will change the world (or at least your local community). When you meet, you automatically experience chemistry, although the time of your purpose is not yet upon you.

You feel the chemistry. Strongly. But you operate with restraint and discipline.

Years ago, I was introduced to someone's best friend. I was looking down at the floor when we we shook hands, because I'd stepped in something sticky. The touch of our hands, however, was like an electric jolt. My head snapped up. The chemistry was unexpected and mutual. We never acted on it because he had a girlfriend, and his best friend had an unrequited crush on me. Out of respect for both (and each other), we remained friends.

I've met many men and women since with whom I've experienced crazy chemistry. Most of the time the feeling was mutual, although there have been a few times when I've felt it before they have (or vice versa). Most of the time we've acted upon it almost immediately.

There have also been times when the chemistry, and subsequent attraction, has remained unspoken. Everything about the person (and our interactions) is electrifying. Our chemistry is almost tangible. It's like a bull fighting to get out of its pen. And yet, we wisely keep it subdued, at bay, unreleased, unspoken.

I have learned that not all chemistry needs to be acted upon. Chemistry that destroys existing relationships (like marriages or other committed relationships) is definitely not worth acting upon. Chemistry that ruins working relationships or friendships is rarely worth acting upon. Chemistry that defies logic or personal taste is questionable, as well. For instance, you might find yourself being attracted to a "bad boy" or a "promiscuous girl." It's probably best not to act on that.

It doesn't mean you don't feel it, though.

Constantly Thinking...about crazy chemistry

Everyday Heroes Trump Everyday Haters!

Three years ago I started acknowledging "Hero of the Day" on Facebook. Unbelievably, I received backlash from people who weren't selected on a particular day or weren't selected quickly enough (in their opinion). I know. Unbelievable.

After several wonderful and heartfelt posts, I stopped because I just didn't feel like dealing with the haters.

About a year later, I made a declaration (mostly to myself and God, but I shared with a few close friends) that I was separating myself from all the toxic people in my life.

So, here we are three years later, and the declaration has become a reality. All the haters have unfriended me on Facebook. :-D

My circle - especially my close inner circle - is a wonderful group of confident, upwardly mobile, loving, generous, humble friends and coworkers who don't operate in the world of pettiness and jealousy.

To be honest, it took a change in me to re-align myself with the right people. I was broken, and broken people attract brokenness. As I started healing, growing stronger and confident (again), I attracted people who were on that same path, or who had walked that path already and arrived at a place of secure in themselves.

During my journey, I realized it's not just that "like attracts like." It's also that opposites attract. Victims attract bullies. Naive people attract shysters. Vulnerable people attract those who like to dominate. Different shades or ends of the brokenness scale, are drawn to each other. (ugh!)

I'd been so caught up in people pleasing and only seeing the best in people that I didn't realize I'd attracted a mob of shady characters who expected to be pleased at all costs. Not all of my friends were that way, of course. Just the super loud, ultra sensitive, easily offendable ones.

There are a few "confidence-challenged" friends whom I still consider close. They're strong enough, however, to keep their insecurity in check. They realize it would be detrimental to our relationship to throw shade when I compliment someone else.

With that said, I will resume what was a really wonderful, thoughtful, and appreciated tribute. I will acknowledge my Heroes of the Day, as often as possible!

Constantly Thinking (and appreciating people)...