What They Don't Tell You...

They don’t tell the abused woman that once she finally gathers her strength and leaves that abusive man, there will still be days she will miss him and consider going back.

They don’t tell the undervalued employee that when they quit that dead-end job and follow their dreams, there will be incredibly difficult days ahead, and sometimes they’ll long to be back in that broken office chair at that dysfunctional company.

They don’t tell you that when you finally release that friend or family member or man or woman or church leader who didn’t value you, that you’ll still miss them terribly because even if they didn’t recognize your value, you recognized theirs.

They don’t tell you that not settling for the man who doesn’t value you as a wife and won’t marry you, doesn’t make you stop loving him.

They don’t tell you that being strong can still hurt.

All they tell you is how much better it will be. But better doesn’t always happen immediately. Sometimes you'll just be lonely or horny or impatient. At times you'll be so lonely, horny or impatient that it will make you want to walk backwards. Don't do it.

The rewards will come. Once you start valuing yourself, you will attract the people who value you, as well. But it’s a journey, it will take time, and there will be pain along the way.

Like a runner training for a marathon, or a person working out to lose 50 pounds, or a woman in labor, it’s a process. At some point, you’ll look back and say the journey was worth it; but in the midst of it, you may have to encourage yourself.

Keep your eye on the goal. Don’t look backwards toward the crap (lest you turn into a pillar of salt – LOL). Know your value.

Yes, there’s a possibility that the person or employer in your past is also part of your future. There's a chance that some of those relationships or jobs will be restored, but it will be with new people (same human, different character). You will have changed and so will they. Think Steve Jobs and Apple. It can happen, but not without internal change – on both sides.

Keep moving forward.

Constantly Thinking…

Be Incredible

Are you doing the most?

If someone came to this country to make a new life for themselves and they possessed all that you had – brains, beauty / good looks, family, talent, experience, education, love, wisdom, friends, material things, knowledge of purpose – would they be doing what you’re doing?

Or would they be doing the most?

What are YOU doing with all you’ve been given?

Someone would gladly trade their circumstances for yours.

My dad was a brilliant cook. He would look in my nearly bare cupboard and say, “Let’s see…syrup, rice, mushrooms, tuna – oh yeah! We’ve got a meal here!”

I would think he was crazy but then he’d create a delicious masterpiece.

What I saw as lacking or not enough he saw as opportunity.

If you don’t know what to do with what you have, what you’ve been given, what you’ve been born with, what you’ve learned and experienced – ask someone on the outside. Ask them a hypothetical question. “What would you do if you were a brilliant, handsome, creative, engineer who loved trains?”

Their answer will probably be simple. They’d be doing the most.

It's time to start being incredible (and stop making excuses!).

Constantly Thinking…

The Romance of Sports

 

I actually love avid sports fans. I'm not really one myself, but I can get into a sport when I'm with people who really love it.

My enjoyment is pretty much limited to football and basketball, with tennis and soccer coming in a distant third and fourth. I can also enjoy an occasional baseball game in person but not so much on TV.

Golf is not really my thing (although I love to play miniature golf). And I absolutely refuse to watch hockey or boxing. Way too violent for my taste!

The way I most enjoy watching sports, however, is with my man!

I think watching sports with my man (and his friends) is one of the most romantic and sexiest things in the world. All that testosterone! Wow! Watching him be all manly and competitive makes me feel all girly. I know feminists everywhere are cringing. Whatever! You do you! I'll enjoy my super masculine, avid sports fan, ultra sexy man!

What activities do you find romantic or sexy to do with your man or woman that you might not enjoy on your own?

Constantly Thinking....(about romance)

Constance's Top 12 Rules for Successful Living

1. Recognize the power of your words. You can give life or destroy it with your words. Never give your word lightly or recklessly. Your character is judged by whether or not you are a person of your word.
2.  Your belief or faith in yourself (or lack thereof) will guide your words and actions. Believing in yourself and speaking words of faith and optimism will actually create opportunities and open doors for you. The opposite is also true.
3. Always live in and enjoy the present. Don’t wait to appreciate the value of a person or an event when it’s past. Don’t focus on how much better things will be in the future. Live in and for today!
4. Love deeply and without reserve. Love is life-giving! Life is richer and more enjoyable with love in it. Love makes successes greater and challenges easier to handle.
5. Apologize and forgive quickly, especially to those you care about. Life is short. No one has time to hold onto anger or grudges.
6. Never be afraid to admit mistakes or ask for help in all areas of your life – business, school, parenting, relationships.
7. When you’re in a relationship (especially a marriage), keep your business between the two of you. You’re the team. Don’t allow outside influences to jeopardize your marriage or relationship. No “bro code” or “sisterhood” should supersede the commitment you two have to each other.
8. Be willing to take a risk…in life, in business and in love. You only live once. Even if you fail, you’ll learn. If you do fail, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, apply your wisdom and knowledge from your experiences, and try again.
9. Learn how to manage your money early in life. Don’t spend more than you have. Learn how to save. Knowing how to manage money wisely will save you years of heartache and mistakes.
10. Learn your strengths and your weaknesses. Strengths and weaknesses can both work to your benefit. Use them wisely.
11. Never underestimate your value…or anyone else’s. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. If you don’t value yourself, neither will anyone else.
12. Never ignore red flags. You can count on having regrets if you do. We have instincts, intuition, and the Holy Spirit for a reason.

Glass House Syndrome - Stop Throwing Stones!

Good deeds get done. Laws get changed. Inventions are created and discoveries are made. Since there are no perfect people who are the ones doing this good stuff?

Are the good deeds of a great person negated by the sins in their personal life? King David was an adulterer and a murderer, but did that negate the good he did for his kingdom? We’ve had great politicians who did amazing things for our country, but they were also adulterers, liars, cheaters, sometimes thieves and murderers. Do we dismiss their good deeds?

There is a reason that the story of the adulterous woman is included in the Bible. It reminds us that none of us are perfect. So, before we judge someone else - even when they are absolutely wrong - we need to check ourselves.

For those unfamiliar...back in Biblical days, if a woman was caught in an adulterous relationship, she was stoned by the townspeople. There was no penalty for the man.

A group of teachers of the law brought an adulterous woman to Jesus and asked if he thought they should uphold the law of Moses and stone her. (They were testing Jesus to see if he would go against the law of the time.)

After a while, Jesus replied, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." One by one they all dropped their stones and walked away. Jesus didn't go against the law. He just turned the mirror back on the accusers.

"Before you kill her, or persecute her, for not being perfect, consider your own imperfections. Are you willing to be stoned or persecuted for your wrongdoings, as well?"

We should all ask ourselves that same question.

Before you trash people - politicians, celebrities, public figures, your relatives, your spouse, your classmates, your co-workers, your boss - consider your own imperfections. Would it be okay to have your wrongdoings exposed publicly in the news and on social media, or discussed and ridiculed privately among friends and family? Is it okay for you to lose your job because of mistakes or bad choices you made years ago?

What is the deciding factor about what’s right or wrong? Is it really about whether people know or not? Does public exposure condone public persecution?  That’s a really stupid scale of judgment. “If we find out about it you’ll get punished.” Is that why we feel it’s okay to judge? “At least people don’t know about what I’ve done or what I’m doing.” Wrong is wrong whether it’s public or not.

We don’t have to (and shouldn’t) condone or reward wrongdoing. People will reap what they sow. Karma is real.  Should people be punished for their bad deeds? Of course they should. But where do we draw the line?

• A brilliant writer is also a petty thief. Does that negate the brilliance of his books? Should he lose his publishing deal if convicted?
• A world-famous chef also cheats on his wife or turns out to be racist. Does it change the taste of his food? Should his sales dip? Should he lose his TV show, his restaurant, his distribution deal?
• A world-changing civil rights leader is a known womanizer. Should we rescind the rights of the minorities he helped free? Should unfair voting rights return?
• A talented sports hero has serious anger management issues. Should he be fired from his team? Should he lose his endorsement deals?
• An incredibly effective politician plagiarizes a paper in college, cheats on his wife, lies on his taxes, and accepts payoffs from business people who advance his agenda. Should he lose his position?

What about those who aren't in the public eye? Let's bring it down the to level of the majority.

• If every man who has ever abused a woman – physically, verbally, or sexually – lost his job, how many men would be out of work?
• If every person who ever cheated on a test or plagiarized in college got fired, how many people would be unemployed?
• If every man or woman who was (or is) unfaithful to their spouse or intimate with someone else’s spouse, was killed, how many people would be dead?
• If the good deeds, inventions, and legislation of every politician or businessman who ever lied or didn’t keep their word were erased and they were labeled a known liar, who would still attempt good deeds?
• If everyone who failed on a project was publicly shamed and fired, who would even try to succeed?

Here's what we can do: 

1. Keep doing the right thing. 
2. Keep trying. 
3. Even when you mess up, keep trying. 
4. Apologize and admit your wrongdoings quickly. 
5. Forgive others. 
6. Don’t judge.

One final note...

It seems like people are far more punitive and judgmental when they “discover” your wrongdoing. Knock the legs out from under them, steal their thunder, admit your sins, and make amends before others find out about them on their own.

Transparency is freedom. If everyone started admitting and correcting their mistakes before they could be used against them, this era of tabloid-esque, scandalized media and social networking skewering would end!

Constantly Thinking…