I Had a Choice

Lately, several people have either questioned my beliefs or asked me why I believe. Sharing why I believe in God is an easy thing since most, if not all, religions believe in a higher power or a supreme being. Sharing why I'm a Christian - meaning, why I believe in Jesus - is a bit more complicated.

Let's start with the first thing, though - believing in God.

I'm honestly amazed and truly flabbergasted at people who don't believe in God at all. Usually, they pride themselves on being too intelligent or logical to believe in a supreme being that created us all. They think it's a cop-out mentally for the masses (or for whatever percentage of people do believe). "Anything you can't explain, just attribute it to an unknown super being."

And yet, they can attribute intelligent life to an explosion or a big bang. From there, apparently, we all evolved from fish or some other animal.

To me, there's nothing logical about that at all.

If evolution was correct, there should be various stages of developed "animal people" at any given moment. Or is the logic that we all evolved at the same pace? Evolution comes in waves? It doesn't make sense to me. Scientists can't quite make it work either, but it seems more logical to them than a supreme being that they can't put under a microscope.

But this is not about why I DON'T believe in evolution or the big bang theory. It's about why I DO believe in God.

From the time I was self-aware I believed in God. (I wasn't a Christian yet, but I believed in God.) This in and of itself is interesting because I wasn't raised in church. The first time I was in a church with my father was my wedding day.

However, I always believed in God.

I was never so arrogant as to think I created myself. I knew I didn't give myself intelligence or talent or good looks (:-). Even in my blood-related family, we all have different looks, different gifts and talents, and different levels of intelligence. I knew I didn't create the air I breathe or the food I eat (plants or animals).

Something or Someone other than me, created the first man and the first woman. Someone highly intelligent with awesome design skills and creativity. It wasn't an accident. As intelligent as we are - as much as we're able to "recreate" - if an explosion could create life, we would have done it already in a lab.

So I never believed we were an accident created by chance. Someone greater than me was my ultimate Creator.

Where did That someone come from? I honestly don't know yet. But I'll find out when I return to the Source.

In high school, I heard - audibly heard - that particular "Someone" speak to me. (You can read about it in one of my earlier blogs.) I knew then for sure He existed. He gave me a choice and a charge at that early age. There was no question about what I was hearing and Who I was hearing from.

At that moment, I became more "self-aware" than most people, realizing that my every action, my every word, was a choice, and good or bad results would follow - either immediately or ultimately.

I'd already been known as a "goodie two shoes" or as my Dad would call me "Sweet Polly Purebread" or "Peter Playfair." It became even more intense after hearing from God. I knew Someone was watching me, holding me accountable.

From that moment on, my prophetic dreams began to increase - minor ones, major ones - extremely detailed. I remember dreaming of an argument between my parents before it happened (and my parents rarely argued). I knew the details down to what they were wearing. I shared it with my sister before the fact. Less than a week later, it happened just like I'd seen.

In addition to the dreams, I started to become acutely aware of good and evil. Most of us are. Like animals, we have a sense about danger - and dangerous, evil people. Most of you can recall a time when you walked into a room and sensed something not right. Or you met someone and they just rubbed you the wrong way - even though you couldn't put your finger on why. You wrote them off as creepy, without having a hard and fast reason.

I began to sense things and people like that on a regular basis. I'd always had that sense even as a young child, but it wasn't developed because I wasn't fully aware of it. My Aunt Trudie would laugh as I would sit and listen to adults, and then after observing them, confirm my assessment with a question: "If you hit a dog on the street, would you stop your car to see if it was okay? No? I didn't think so." I was seven or eight years old at the time.

Fast forward to my early 20s - I'm living my life and enjoying it, although I never could do the things other single women in their 20s could do. It just wasn't "right" for me. I became acutely aware of a nagging tap on my shoulder but I wasn't sure how to address it. I was aware I had a purpose, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was and how to fulfill it.

I was 24 and I'd only been to a church two or three times in my life - and the experiences were not positive. One of my co-workers became persistent in his request that I attend his church. He must have asked me every week for at least six months. Finally, I said yes to attending his church picnic. I figured that was "safe." It wouldn't be in the church building, it would be in a park. I would have an easy getaway, if necessary.

My brother and I went to the picnic together. What I found there - at that particular church - were other "Peter Playfairs" and "Sweet Polly Purebreads" who, like me, chose their words and actions carefully, recognizing they were being held accountable. I'd thought I was the only one.

I wanted to learn more about these people. Had all of them heard from God in high school like I had? Most hadn't. But many of them had heard directly from God. They were called. They were self-aware. They knew they had a purpose to fulfill. They were here for a reason bigger than themselves.

In learning about the reason, learning about purpose - mine and others - I met Jesus.

Jesus is the epitome of Purpose. He was sent here for a reason and He knew what it was. He was self-aware, and selfless. He wasn't so clueless as to think He just popped into being "just because" or as a random act.  He knew He was sent here, born into this world for a reason - as we all are.

He sensed (felt the "vibrations" of) good and evil. When He was speaking to people, He knew their whole story, regardless of what they said. He knew their lies and their failings and their goodness and their triumphs. When He dealt with evil people, He addressed their hearts. Jesus wasn't about condemnation but about restoration. Knowing all of us are here for a purpose, He never dismissed someone who lied or committed a wrongdoing. (I see this as a visual. If you created a box-car that was supposed to make it to the finish line, would you smash it or yell at it every time it veered off-course? Or would you gently push it back onto the proper course? That's Jesus. Flicking us off the path - or the face of the earth - when we make a mistake won't get us to the finish line.)

Whereas many religions are about vengeance, Jesus was and is the representation of love. Many religions are about earning your way through life and into "heaven" by doing good deeds. Your heart doesn't count, it's the number of tasks you complete. If you can check the box, and complete enough good deeds, you're in. You can be the meanest, cruelest, most vile human being, but if you pull out your checklist at the "heavenly" door, you're good.

Not so, says Jesus. It's the heart that's being assessed, not the tasks. Jesus says, "I'll get you in. You just do your part as well as you can, believe in me, stay in purpose, operate in love, forgive and ask for forgiveness when necessary, and when you get to the door, you can say 'My friend Jesus put my name on the list.'" What's funny is that just saying His name doesn't do it for you. You actually have to have a relationship with Him. And, amazingly, the more you get to know Him, the easier it is to follow His example.

Although I study fervently, I realize I still have a limited understanding of all of the world's religions. But what I have learned is that Jesus, Christianity, is about love and purpose. Christianity is not just the afterlife, or about keeping count of our good and bad deeds, or about vengeance, but about being selfless and loving and recognizing we are all here for a purpose. We will make mistakes and bad choices, but it's our heart that we have to get right.

Jesus was sent here as an example to us. He showed us how to operate in love, how to put the big picture (purpose) before our personal agenda, how to stand up for what we believe in without wavering and without being judgmental.

As a Christian, I'm a follower of Jesus. I don't add any other labels - not "Baptist" or "Catholic" or "Protestant" or "AME." I don't think of those religions as wrong, just not necessary...for me. It's my understanding and belief that they were created because people learn and worship in different ways. Different religions represent those different types of learning and worshiping styles. The Bible warns us about aligning with them...telling us not to say "I follow Peter," "I follow Paul" (or "I'm a Baptist," "I'm a Catholic").

It's not that it's wrong, per se, it's that we can put more importance and emphasis on the style of worship than on Who we're worshiping.

I honestly see value in most, if not all, Christian religions - and many of the non-Christian religions.

For me, however, Christianity is my choice and my truth, because of personal experience and knowledge. I don't beat people over the head with it, though, because Jesus didn't. He didn't do it - not because "right" and "wrong" are subjective, they're not! He didn't do it because God gave all of us a choice. "I've set before you this day life and death, blessings and cursings. Therefore choose life so that both you and your seed may live." The operative word here is "choose" - He won't force you.

Honestly, that's my biggest question when I get to meet Him face to face. Why did you give us a choice?

I have a bit of the answer already, but only a bit. The enemy (and yes there is one) leads and gets you to choose him and his will through fear, arrogance, deception and ignorance. God, on the other hand, leads by example (through Jesus), love, mercy and knowledge and most importantly, "asks" you to choose Him of your own free will.

I've realized that I'd much rather have a friend (or spouse) that chooses me and a relationship with me of their own free will - because of what they know about me. I'd trust that person much more than someone I scared, manipulated, lied to or bullied into being my friend or my spouse. Once there's someone else who scares them more or lies better, they're out.

My commitment to someone I choose to love is so much greater! God knows that. If I was building an army or a Kingdom, I'd want an army full of willing soldiers; a Kingdom full of willing citizens.

But my question to Him will be Why? Is it for an upcoming battle? If so, what battle lies ahead that has forced us to have to make the choice? What battle lies ahead where we'll have to know the difference between good and evil, and fight for the side of right?

Until that time, I will continue to work hard to fulfill my purpose here on the earth (because it's not just about me and my life) and I will tell people about Him and why I believe in Him. Just as I introduce people to all of my wonderful friends and family whenever given the chance, I will introduce Him to those who haven't met Him yet. But just as I don't force my friends to be friends with each other, I don't and won't force people to have a relationship with Him either.

Many friends told me about Him before I met Him. Michael Forrester made the introduction. I made the choice to enter into a relationship with Him.

He gave me the choice. I took it, freely and willingly.

The Clock Is Ticking

[I wrote this in February 2010, and it's still true today. Wow.]

So, these last couple of months have been really rough for me. They've dented my usually high, happy spirits.

I'm usually the one who encourages everyone to step out on faith, be the best they can be, do the right thing, take the risk, believe the best, be strong.

But over the past few months, I stumbled. I got punched. I fell prey. I got scared. I became disillusioned. I was taken advantage of. I was played for a fool. I made bad choices. I had a health scare. I trusted in man when I should have trusted in God. I lost a friend. I got my heart broken. I lost hope.

One blow after another took me down, really, really down...for a while. There was no light at the end of the tunnel...for a while.

I knew I had to stand back up, not just for me, but for my son, for my family and friends, who love and depend on me. I had to stand back up for my employees, colleagues, superiors and members who count on me at my job. I had to stand back up for the people who are blessed - whose lives are changed - by the gift God has given me (my calling) to do stage productions and films.

But I didn't have the strength...at first.

The health scare is still there. They're ruling out breast cancer. But no matter what they find, regardless of my family history, I'm not really worried about breast cancer. My mom survived it with strength and faith. I can too, if necessary. Breast cancer doesn't really scare me.

The challenges on my job are still there. I've gotten "punished" for doing the right thing. I made a decision to decline a project based on what I considered unethical business practices and the powers that be got upset with me. I can handle that. It doesn't feel good. But I know that I'm an asset to any company. I'll be fine. I never thought I'd be there for life - it was always for a season. If this season is wrapping up, I'll be okay.

The challenges to my finances are still there. It is what it is - for the moment. But I'm a child of the King - and He has access to everything I need - resources, finances, favor, blessing. Plus, he's given me the intelligence, skill and talent to earn income. I may be low right now, but I'm not worried about being homeless, and I know we won't starve.

The love situation - well, out of respect for those that I love I won't give details. Broken hearts are rarely one-sided, and they always heal in time - with God's help. I keep telling myself that because faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. It doesn't feel like it right now, but truth is not based on feeling. Truth just IS. I know I'll make it through this, too.

I've found that for me, because I love so deeply, a broken heart is more damaging to my spirit than a health scare, job challenges, and financial woes. (That's probably true for most.)

But all of that added together, dumped on top of each other, and my light began to dim. My faith began to wane. My heart began to shut down.

To top it all off, I had a dream. Having a dream wouldn't be a big deal, except I have prophetic dreams. I usually know which of my dreams are prophetic because of how vivid they are. And when I have a dream that feels normal while I'm having it, but when I wake up I realize it was a nightmare - in content - it usually comes true.

So, in this dream, I was talking to some friends/business associates and we were making plans for a project we were going to work on together. One of the friends said, "We won't be able to complete this for at least five years."

To which I replied, "Five years? I won't even be alive in five years. We have to finish this project sooner."

No one in the dream seemed horrified or even surprised at my pronouncement. They just took it in stride and adjusted the timeline of the project to be finished earlier. Then I woke up.

Well, with everything I've been going through, plus the health scare, it occurred to me - what if my dream was prophetic? What if my time is that short?

That was the last piece of disillusionment I could take. My light went from dim to off.

I had a friend who became my Peter - he didn't receive my dream as prophetic and told me it was absolutely NOT going to happen.

I had a prayer warrior tell me that my dream was from the devil because the Lord promised all of us 70 years.

For some reason, those things didn't lift my spirits - although I certainly appreciated them.

But, thankfully, God Himself spoke to me, as He does when He knows I really need to hear directly from Him.

What He told me was this:

I could call you up here tomorrow, next week, next year or fifty years from now. Your job is not to worry about how long you have on earth. Your job is to complete your assignment.

I heard Him and I got it.

When He calls me, I need to be busy working on what I've been assigned to do, not stagnating in fear, disillusionment, discouragement, anger or even broken-heartedness.

Another friend said, "Then that means your dream was from the devil after all."

Not necessarily. It could have been from God, so that I would know I need to speed up my productivity. But not so that I would stop what I was doing and watch the clock in fear.

I got a visual of taking a test - one that I know all the answers to. When the professor says, "Ten more minutes," I start answering as fast as I can. I don't just sit and look at the clock in horror. (LOL. Some people may do that but I don't. If I didn't know the answers I guess I might.)

As He always does, He confirmed His word with additional signs and messages (and I know there are more to come).

A very good friend who has been challenged beyond compare recently - and nearly gave up - was honored this month by her company (pharmaceutical sales) as one of the top ten in the nation! She's also going to school for another degree and recently got an A in a tough class. She owns two homes (in this economy), and cares for an ailing family member. And yet, she hasn't stopped being productive. God blesses her because she uses her gifts and talents to the fullest - no matter what the obstacles.

Her determination, commitment to excellence, and ultimate success, were an inspiration to me.

I know the assignment that I've been given. I know the gifts and talents that God's blessed me with. I know what I'm capable of.

The clock is ticking - as it always is.

But I have a job to do.