Won’t You Miss the Weather?

“Won’t you miss the weather?”

That’s the question I was asked most when I shared that I was leaving California and moving back to the East Coast.

Only now, six months later, have I really been able to process that question.

Won’t I miss “THE WEATHER”?? The Weather. Really?

After living in California for 20 years, the first thought Californians have is “won’t I miss the weather?”

The short answer is easy. No.

I will miss the people I love. I will miss my friends. I will miss my church. I will miss my job, coworkers, staff, teachers, students, families.

I will even miss some of the places I loved to frequent – restaurants, the Grove, theme parks, museums, and sometimes...the beach.

I will miss seeing movies first. I love movie screenings. I love going to the Academy during Oscars week to see the shorts and animated films.

The weather is low on my list, if it makes the list at all. Mostly because I have heat intolerance so extremely hot weather is not good for me. I pass out. Also, because I love the change of seasons. Fall on the East Coast is my favorite time of year. And, I am actually one of those rare people who loves snow and colder weather. It doesn’t bother me. I can always layer up. There’s only so much you can take off when you’re hot.

But let’s get back to the original question. “Won’t you miss the weather?”

If I was leaving any other state to move to any other state, that would not be the first question.

In fact, when I’ve moved from other states to go back to California (I’ve lived there three times), no one in those other states asked me if I was moving to California for the weather.

People are my priority. Relationships, real relationships, are my priority. True friendships. Close family ties are my priority.

Even after being in Cali for 20 years (this last stretch), I never got used to being penciled in, no-shows at hosted events, flakes, not being able to visit close friends and family without calling, not seeing people I love who live in the same city - for months at a time. I never got used to people asking “Who else is coming?” when being invited to private events at my home. I never got used to not having close enough relationships that I could just come over and hang out with no agenda.

MY home was that way. Everyone knew my door was open. I had friends come over and spend the night – even though they lived locally. Sometimes they just wanted to get away, and they knew my home was the place to do that.

I hosted Thanksgiving dinner annually for those who couldn’t go back home, or those who just wanted to share a meal with family. I usually hosted Easter dinner, as well. I had annual Oscar parties. I organized birthday celebrations, for myself and for others. I coordinated group movie and theater outings. (Still do – even though I’m now 3,000 miles away!)

Back on the East Coast, not only do and will I still do those things, my friends and family here do them, as well. Game nights, girls nights out (or in), family dinners, birthday celebrations, day parties – these are regular occurrences here.

I am always welcome at my sisters’ homes. We have each other’s keys. We don’t need to call first – unless we want to confirm they’re in town.

 “Won’t I miss the weather?” Give me a break! No! I will NOT miss the weather. I will miss the people I love.

Ironically but fortunately, I see many of the Cali people I love even more than I did when I lived there so, thankfully, I haven’t had to miss them too much.

Relationships are my priority. They are what I care about. Not the weather.

Constantly Thinking…(not about the weather)

Priorities & Perspective

A couple months ago I was launched into a health challenge. It started off seemingly small, then grew into something larger and scarier. After undergoing multiple ultrasounds, mammograms, MRIs and more invasive procedures and incisions than I care to count, I was finally declared in the clear! Everything was benign, no malignancy.

I am incredibly grateful, of course, as are all my loved ones. Most of them said, "I knew you were going to be fine." I mostly did, too.

However, even when you "mostly" believe you're going to be fine, there's a little part of you that recognizes this may be "that moment." What if this is the beginning of the end?

That tiny percentage has great power. It makes you re-prioritize and put things in perspective. Here are a few things I learned during this health crisis.

1) KNOW WHO YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE (& STOP WASTING TIME WITH SOUL-SUCKERS)
I didn't share my health challenge with everyone, just those I knew would have my best interest at heart. I shared with those who would pray with and for me. I shared with those I knew would encourage me on my darkest days. I didn't share with those who not-so-secretly wish me ill will; or those who are fond of quoting platitudes and scriptures with no depth behind them. I didn't share with those who would forget I was going through a challenge as soon as we got off the phone. Those last groups caused me to re-evaluate the people I call friends. I disengaged from toxic people, and distanced myself from some of those who were just sucking up time and energy.

2) TREASURE THE FRIENDS YOU HAVE - AND LET THEM HAVE THEIR MOMENT.
I absorbed the words and prayers of encouragement and healing from some of my sisters and brothers, without ever sharing with them what I was going through. I'm part of several support and professional groups who do great things - life groups, prayer groups, acting groups. I didn't share with all of them. Some of them are or were going through things far worse than what I was facing. I didn't need to add my situation to the pile. One of my dearest friends and mentors taught me that lesson.

When my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, years ago, I would call my friend almost every day and she would pray with me. Little did I know (because she never said) that her brother was dealing with cancer, as well. When he lost his battle, and I attended the funeral, she and I had an emotional moment together. I said, "You never said a word." She said, "I didn't have to. When I prayed for your Mom, I was praying for him as well. I didn't want to take anything away from what you needed." She is one of the most selfless people I know, and I love her dearly.

I learned from that. Sometimes your friends just need to have their moment. You don't have to add anything to it. Pray for them and you'll be praying for yourself, as well.

3) VISIT, TALK, FORGIVE, SAY "I'M SORRY" OR "I LOVE YOU"
I tend to be very demonstrative - both physically and verbally - with my love, affection, and appreciation, so I didn't really have people I was estranged from or people who don't know I love them. I don't hold grudges, and I forgive easily, so that wasn't an issue. I apologize all the time (some say too much) so that wasn't really an issue.

The "visit and talk" piece, though...This health scare did make me want to reach out to my friends and family I haven't talked to in a while. It made me have conversations with exes to let them know how much I appreciated what we had. Not looking to reconcile, just letting them know what I appreciate(d) about them, and what I appreciated about us. It made me schedule trips to see family and friends that I haven't seen in a while. It made me reach out to cousins I love and miss, friends I haven't seen or heard from in a while. We picked right up where we left off. I need to do that more often.

4) TAKE A VACATION
In addition to the important family/friend visits above, I realized I need to take a real vacation. I now actually have time off scheduled, and I plan to go some place I've always wanted to visit. So many of my friends are taking fabulous vacations, which I admire so much. I spend my days and nights working, which is important and fulfilling. But I haven't stopped to smell a rose in a very long time. I may be a superhero, but I need some down time periodically.

5) GET IT DONE
I have a couple things on my "Get it done" list (aka bucket list). I would be so disappointed with myself if I didn't complete these things before dying. The threat of dying shouldn't have to be my motivation to get them done. But since it was...consider it handled.

6) FALL IN LOVE - MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL!
Being in love is my absolute favorite thing on the planet to do! It feels great. No, not just great - absolutely amazing! It energizes me. It gives me (even more) purpose, and a reason to fulfill the purpose I already have.

I want my "happily ever after." My current lifestyle didn't allow enough time for love. How can I not have enough time for the thing that gives me the greatest joy?! This health scare triggered immediate changes in my schedule, availability and accessibility to my future husband.

I'm looking forward to and already planning more social outings, more flirting, more dates. I'm looking forward to falling, being, and remaining in love with my husband-to-be...'til death do we part.


Even a health scare can be useful and helpful. It motivated me to adjust my perspective and get my priorities straight!

Feel free to get your priorities straight without the accompanying and terrifying health scare.

Constantly Thinking...

My Favorite Christmas Memories

What are your favorite Christmas memories? Here are just a few of mine.

Tobogganing with my Dad and siblings, then coming home to drink hot chocolate and sing Christmas carols with the family, while my Mom played the piano. All-time favorite Christmas memory.

Spending Christmas with our God-family who was staying with us. The tree was filled with Christmas presents. Seeing the joy on the kids' faces was priceless.

Many of my recent favorite Christmas memories revolve around the Christmas productions I've been blessed to write, direct and produce. The behind-the-scenes stories are what create the unforgettable memories.

The Gift Giver - during our first run of this sweet play, we had auditions for the little ones who had to go see Santa. Every time they sat on our talented actor's lap, they completely forgot their scripted lines. When he asked them, "And what would you like for Christmas?" They'd respond with their actual Christmas list. It was sweet, precious and hilarious.

A Christmas Wish - during our second run of this touching production, our amazing lead actor was actually a former member of the military - similar to the role he was playing. He was scheduled to be in a wedding out of state for the final night of the production. We prayed for a miracle, and sure enough, circumstances shifted and he was able to stay for the full run of production. He brought his daughters to see the show and shared that the play made them even closer.

The first time we did Emmanuel - God With Us. The lives that were changed. The life-long friendships that were formed. My parents flew out for the show. Their lives were changed.

Starting the family tradition six years ago of flying to the East Coast to spend Christmas with one of my very best friends.

Christmas is and has always been a special time of year for me. I love the music, the decorations, the food, but especially the spirit of giving and time spent with family and friends.

I enjoy my Christmas memories from years' past, and I love creating new Christmas memories.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Top Ten Things I Miss

These are the top ten things I'm missing today. It is interesting that so many of my friends and loved ones have shared that they're missing the same things...

1) The sound of my mother's voice...and her infectious laughter
 
2) My father's brilliance, sense of humor and charm

3) Hearing "Good morning, baby" from the love of my life

4) My Aunt Trudie's unconditional love and never-ending wisdom

5) Living near family and close friends

6) The freedom of being a young adult, without all the pressures of life

7) Unforgettable, firework-inducing, leg-buckling kisses

8) Being married

9) Rocking my infant son to sleep

10) The butterflies that come from being in love


And yet, I'm happier, more hopeful, and more determined than I've been in a long time.  Life is presenting beauty again and I'm embracing it. I gladly live in the present. I remember the past fondly. I look forward to the future. I am happy and content in my here and now.

Constantly Thinking...

Be Incredible

Are you doing the most?

If someone came to this country to make a new life for themselves and they possessed all that you had – brains, beauty / good looks, family, talent, experience, education, love, wisdom, friends, material things, knowledge of purpose – would they be doing what you’re doing?

Or would they be doing the most?

What are YOU doing with all you’ve been given?

Someone would gladly trade their circumstances for yours.

My dad was a brilliant cook. He would look in my nearly bare cupboard and say, “Let’s see…syrup, rice, mushrooms, tuna – oh yeah! We’ve got a meal here!”

I would think he was crazy but then he’d create a delicious masterpiece.

What I saw as lacking or not enough he saw as opportunity.

If you don’t know what to do with what you have, what you’ve been given, what you’ve been born with, what you’ve learned and experienced – ask someone on the outside. Ask them a hypothetical question. “What would you do if you were a brilliant, handsome, creative, engineer who loved trains?”

Their answer will probably be simple. They’d be doing the most.

It's time to start being incredible (and stop making excuses!).

Constantly Thinking…

Social Media Faux Pas

I know it seems like we can, should, and do only communicate with our friends, family and acquaintances via social media - FB, Twitter and Instagram.

But here's the thing about social media...
It's a great form of communication for acquaintances, whose numbers we don't have anyway.
It's a great way to stay updated with distant friends and relatives.
It's a great marketing tool for business and casual acquaintances.
It's "another" form of communication for those who are close to us.
It's a great general way to keep "the masses" informed about what's going on with you on a surface level. 

HOWEVER...
It doesn't replace real relationships.
It shouldn't be used for resolving (or exposing) relationship issues.
It shouldn't replace real conversation.
It's not for sharing personal messages (that should be sent or spoken directly to a friend or family member).

My friend, Justin, made the mistake of tweeting what should have been a personal message to Madonna for her birthday.

https://celebrity.yahoo.com/news/justin-timberlake-calls-madonna-ninja-her-birthday-sparks-134500779-us-weekly.html

He should have made a personal call or sent a private text. Some would say he shouldn't have said it at all - but that's between Justin and Madonna and their personal relationship. We all have that friend or loved one that we jokingly call out of their name, not necessarily profanely so, but still inappropriate in mixed company.

My nicknames, pet names, code names and trash talk names between me and my friends or my man will not be posted or tweeted for all the world to see. Some stuff is just between you and them. JT's backlash was swift and fierce, but he's a fast learner. He'll be all right. Hopefully, those who need to will learn from his mistake, though.

Constantly Thinking...and posting, tweeting, blogging, texting, writing, calling and talking face-to-face!

The Truth About Success

Joseph (in the Bible) shared a prophetic dream of power and success and got thrown into a well by his brothers. A homeless “man with a golden voice” is discovered by a videographer and even strangers support him in his success.

Why is it that some people are happy for others’ success and others seem to be intimidated by it? Based on a lifetime of professional and personal success and a few epic failures, I have made several observations about people who support you when you're up, kick you while you're down, or attempt to "knock you down a peg" whenever possible.

Let’s first take a look at who makes up the group of success supporters.

Who Does Your Success Benefit?

• Your children – Your success benefits your children basically because they get more benefits
• Your spouse (usually) – Unless you have an insecure or competitive spouse, your success will typically benefit him or her
• Your employees and potential employees – When you get paid, so do they. There’s a direct benefit here. For potential employees, your success means they may be offered a job at some point.
• Your clients – Being represented by or contracting with a successful company or business leader gives you credibility
• People you pay and regularly visit or use their services (stylist, fashion consultant, trainer) – Similar to employees, when you get paid, so do they. It’s a bit more indirect than employees, but there’s a benefit nonetheless. Their business counts on you and others like you being able to afford them.
• People who are inspired by or believe in themselves based on your success – This is the category that supported the man with the golden voice. People were inspired. This category also includes people you mentor, or people who admire you from afar.
• Your financial investors – Your financial investors are literally counting on your success.
• Your emotional or professional coaches (those who have invested time and wisdom into you) – Your success benefits your coaches on two different levels: 1) An emotional level from contributing positively to someone’s life; 2) A credibility level – their words, advice and wisdom are valuable.

With any of the people in this group, feel free to share your success. They will be almost as thrilled as you are.

Now let’s take a look at the success detractors.

Who Does Your Success Intimidate?

• Those who are jealous of or compete with you – Typically, if you’re competing with someone in some or fashion – not necessarily for the same job or opportunity, but just in general – these people will not pleased with your success. This may be a “keep up with the Joneses” type of friend who always one-ups you when you talk about something positive in your life.
• Those who feel that your success somehow takes away from their own, even if it’s in a completely different area – There are those who believe there are a limited number of positive opportunities. For every one that you get, that’s one less for them.
• Those who are insecure – Some people think so little of themselves that they would never even reach for success. They can be close to you when you’re struggling, but when you start to succeed, you simply point out their failure or lack. They can’t support you.
• Those who can or will only support the underdog – There are actually people in the world who think that successful people are evil, just because they’re successful. They assume (sometimes correctly, oftentimes incorrectly) that for you to succeed you must have stepped on some poor soul. Therefore, they can’t support you in your success, just on GP.
• Those who just don’t like you – Like Joseph’s brothers, there will be people who despise you for your success. There will be people who just despise you, period. They want nothing but to see you fail or struggle. Your success infuriates them.

If your family or friends fall into this group, be wiser than Joseph was, and don’t call them to share your success. They’ll notice it anyway. If you share it with them, they’ll only think of it as bragging (and you may get thrown into a well).

People can actually be in both the Success Supporters and the Success Detractors groups at the same time. Your success can benefit someone who despises you. When you become highly successful, it’s sometimes hard to tell which category people are in. They can all “sound” like supporters.

Pay attention to the nuances, listen to the tone, observe the body language, and note the word choice.  Some key phrases to be mindful of are:

• I’m happy for you.
• How nice for you.
• Good for you. (Pretty much any “for you” phrase is a red flag.)
• Really? Wow. (with no exclamation point)
• That’s great. (with nothing following)

Too much insincere gushing is also a red flag. It usually includes the phrases above, but with “Oh my gosh!” added in front of it.

There is one other category of people that I’ve observed.

There are those who are thrilled with your success just because they love you. It’s not that they benefit personally from your success. It’s that they benefit from your happiness and contentment. Your happiness simply makes them happy. A wonderful spouse, great children, supportive family and true friends can also fall into this category.

This, of course, is the best category. 

Which group do you fall into most frequently? Can you be happy for other people’s success?

I’m Constantly Thinking…