The Art of Gift Giving

Years ago, one of my exes bought me an over-sized sweatshirt with his favorite team’s logo on it…for my birthday.

“It’s too big,” I lamented.

“Okay, I’ll wear it,” he said.

Hmmm…

Then there’s the husband who buys his wife a set of pots and pans for Mother’s Day, so she’ll cook more. Or the wife who gives her husband a spa gift certificate “so he can relax” but secretly knows he’ll just give it to her (since he doesn’t like massages or spas).

There's the kid who buys his parents video games for Christmas.

Or there’s the house guest who brings their personal preferences to your house but calls it a gift for you.

“I thought I’d buy you this soap for your guest bathroom. It’s the kind I use.”

We can say, “It’s the thought that counts,” but when the thought is more about the gift giver than the gift recipient, that doesn’t really work.

Selflessness and honesty are the best policy when it comes to gift giving.

You bring me a new shower head for a bathroom I never use, it’s not a gift for me. It’s a preference for you. You actually should ask first when you’re a guest, but if not, just be honest and say, “I hope it’s okay that I bought a stronger shower head for your bathroom. That little stream of water wasn’t getting the soap off.”

You give me a sweatshirt for your favorite sports team, at least buy two – one in my size, one in yours.

You want to buy a set of pots and pans, don’t do it on a holiday. Just buy for them for the house. But if they’re to hint that your wife isn’t cooking enough, they’re just rude. It would be better to hire a cook for a week. Now that would be a nice gift!

You buy a spa day for your husband when he doesn’t like spas? You’re just being selfish. Buy him sports tickets instead, and you go to the spa while he’s hanging out at the game with the fellas.

Personally, I love buying the absolute perfect gifts for my absolute favorite people. It means studying them, learning their preferences, getting what THEY want, not what you want them to have.

Try it.

Constantly Thinking...about buying gifts...

Integrity: The Gold Standard

I recently chose not to do business with someone due to a lack of integrity. They had the skill set, the experience, the ability to get the job done. However, they misrepresented themselves personally and professionally. Recognizing that, I chose not to put my well-being in the hands of someone I couldn’t fully trust, because if anything went wrong I couldn’t honestly say it was a surprise.

That was me using my intuition, paying attention to red flags. Too often I’ve ignored them or over-ruled them with logic or emotion. These days, however, I’ve turned up the volume and I listen when I get that warning tap on the shoulder.

If companies won't hire someone with poor character and lack of integrity - as revealed by a poor interview, bad references and a failed background check - why would I do business with them?

Having integrity does not mean being perfect. It doesn’t mean never making mistakes, bad choices or even misspeaking. We all do those things.

Integrity means owning up to your words or actions. Integrity means being man or woman enough to admit when you were wrong, you messed up, or you chose poorly.

Integrity is about strength, not weakness.

Integrity means making the right play most of the time versus making the easy play or the self-interested, damaging to others play.

Integrity is about character and trust.

People with integrity tend to surround themselves with others who are like-minded and have similar character. The same is true in the reverse.

When you find yourself dealing with someone of poor character and a lack of integrity, separate yourself quickly.

If you find yourself surrounded by people with bad character and no integrity, take a look in the mirror. You may either be a “mark” (preyed on by that type) or a compatriot (defined as: a friend or colleague: someone who belongs to the same group or organization as someone else).

In the case above, I smelled their lack of integrity and moved on…quickly.

Constantly Thinking...

Pretty for a Chocolate Girl: The Qualified Compliment

“I usually don’t like brown girls, but you’re really pretty for a chocolate girl.”

How do you respond to that statement? Is it a compliment or an insult?

Years ago, when that statement was made to me, my light-skinned best friend (also beautiful) and I debated it.

I didn’t appreciate the qualification, “pretty for a chocolate girl.” That’s like telling a bug, “You’re pretty for a house fly, a cockroach, or a spider.”

It was my BFF’s opinion, however, that it was an even greater compliment. “Normally, I don’t even notice girls who look like you, but you’re so pretty, you even got my attention.”

I decided to go with her take on the situation, because…why not? He obviously meant it as a compliment, silly as it was.

I was baking Tollhouse cookies at the time. I pulled a batch out of the oven and said they were "a pretty batch of chocolate" chocolate chip cookies. We both started laughing at the silliness of it all.

One thing my qualified complimenter did was made me much more conscious of my words. No qualified compliments here.

When I find a man attractive who is not typically “my type” (which, admittedly, is fairly broad), I just describe him as attractive. Not “attractive for a short man, a tall man, a thin man, a big man, a light man, a dark man, a bald man, a curly-haired man, a man with glasses, or a man with freckles. Just attractive!”

What my men have in common has very little to do with their physicality anyway. It’s about their strength of character and masculinity, which comes in all shapes and sizes. If those things are missing, I don’t care how pretty their face is or how ripped their physique is, they’re still not attractive to me.

So, what about you? Do you qualify your compliments? 

And...How do you feel about pretty chocolate girls? ;-)

Constantly Thinking...