Priorities & Perspective

A couple months ago I was launched into a health challenge. It started off seemingly small, then grew into something larger and scarier. After undergoing multiple ultrasounds, mammograms, MRIs and more invasive procedures and incisions than I care to count, I was finally declared in the clear! Everything was benign, no malignancy.

I am incredibly grateful, of course, as are all my loved ones. Most of them said, "I knew you were going to be fine." I mostly did, too.

However, even when you "mostly" believe you're going to be fine, there's a little part of you that recognizes this may be "that moment." What if this is the beginning of the end?

That tiny percentage has great power. It makes you re-prioritize and put things in perspective. Here are a few things I learned during this health crisis.

1) KNOW WHO YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE (& STOP WASTING TIME WITH SOUL-SUCKERS)
I didn't share my health challenge with everyone, just those I knew would have my best interest at heart. I shared with those who would pray with and for me. I shared with those I knew would encourage me on my darkest days. I didn't share with those who not-so-secretly wish me ill will; or those who are fond of quoting platitudes and scriptures with no depth behind them. I didn't share with those who would forget I was going through a challenge as soon as we got off the phone. Those last groups caused me to re-evaluate the people I call friends. I disengaged from toxic people, and distanced myself from some of those who were just sucking up time and energy.

2) TREASURE THE FRIENDS YOU HAVE - AND LET THEM HAVE THEIR MOMENT.
I absorbed the words and prayers of encouragement and healing from some of my sisters and brothers, without ever sharing with them what I was going through. I'm part of several support and professional groups who do great things - life groups, prayer groups, acting groups. I didn't share with all of them. Some of them are or were going through things far worse than what I was facing. I didn't need to add my situation to the pile. One of my dearest friends and mentors taught me that lesson.

When my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, years ago, I would call my friend almost every day and she would pray with me. Little did I know (because she never said) that her brother was dealing with cancer, as well. When he lost his battle, and I attended the funeral, she and I had an emotional moment together. I said, "You never said a word." She said, "I didn't have to. When I prayed for your Mom, I was praying for him as well. I didn't want to take anything away from what you needed." She is one of the most selfless people I know, and I love her dearly.

I learned from that. Sometimes your friends just need to have their moment. You don't have to add anything to it. Pray for them and you'll be praying for yourself, as well.

3) VISIT, TALK, FORGIVE, SAY "I'M SORRY" OR "I LOVE YOU"
I tend to be very demonstrative - both physically and verbally - with my love, affection, and appreciation, so I didn't really have people I was estranged from or people who don't know I love them. I don't hold grudges, and I forgive easily, so that wasn't an issue. I apologize all the time (some say too much) so that wasn't really an issue.

The "visit and talk" piece, though...This health scare did make me want to reach out to my friends and family I haven't talked to in a while. It made me have conversations with exes to let them know how much I appreciated what we had. Not looking to reconcile, just letting them know what I appreciate(d) about them, and what I appreciated about us. It made me schedule trips to see family and friends that I haven't seen in a while. It made me reach out to cousins I love and miss, friends I haven't seen or heard from in a while. We picked right up where we left off. I need to do that more often.

4) TAKE A VACATION
In addition to the important family/friend visits above, I realized I need to take a real vacation. I now actually have time off scheduled, and I plan to go some place I've always wanted to visit. So many of my friends are taking fabulous vacations, which I admire so much. I spend my days and nights working, which is important and fulfilling. But I haven't stopped to smell a rose in a very long time. I may be a superhero, but I need some down time periodically.

5) GET IT DONE
I have a couple things on my "Get it done" list (aka bucket list). I would be so disappointed with myself if I didn't complete these things before dying. The threat of dying shouldn't have to be my motivation to get them done. But since it was...consider it handled.

6) FALL IN LOVE - MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL!
Being in love is my absolute favorite thing on the planet to do! It feels great. No, not just great - absolutely amazing! It energizes me. It gives me (even more) purpose, and a reason to fulfill the purpose I already have.

I want my "happily ever after." My current lifestyle didn't allow enough time for love. How can I not have enough time for the thing that gives me the greatest joy?! This health scare triggered immediate changes in my schedule, availability and accessibility to my future husband.

I'm looking forward to and already planning more social outings, more flirting, more dates. I'm looking forward to falling, being, and remaining in love with my husband-to-be...'til death do we part.


Even a health scare can be useful and helpful. It motivated me to adjust my perspective and get my priorities straight!

Feel free to get your priorities straight without the accompanying and terrifying health scare.

Constantly Thinking...

The Craziness of Chemistry

Not all chemistry needs to be acted upon.

Just because you have chemistry with someone doesn't mean you're romantically attracted to them. Sometimes you are.

Just because you're attracted to someone, doesn't mean you need to get romantically involved with them. Sometimes you do.

Chemistry is powerful, but chemistry can also be misleading.

Chemistry is an incredible force. You can have chemistry with someone that you're not romantically attracted to, but the chemistry can make you think you are.

Chemistry can be present with people of the same sex.

You can meet someone and the chemistry can be so strong and so immediate that you'll swear it's love at first sight! (And it may be...but it doesn't have to be.)

My theory about chemistry is that it's a force, like electricity. We experience chemistry when our paths are either destined to cross or when the intersection of our paths will lead to something powerful or life-changing.

For instance, let's say you meet someone you're supposed to professionally partner with five years down the road. Together, you will change the world (or at least your local community). When you meet, you automatically experience chemistry, although the time of your purpose is not yet upon you.

You feel the chemistry. Strongly. But you operate with restraint and discipline.

Years ago, I was introduced to someone's best friend. I was looking down at the floor when we we shook hands, because I'd stepped in something sticky. The touch of our hands, however, was like an electric jolt. My head snapped up. The chemistry was unexpected and mutual. We never acted on it because he had a girlfriend, and his best friend had an unrequited crush on me. Out of respect for both (and each other), we remained friends.

I've met many men and women since with whom I've experienced crazy chemistry. Most of the time the feeling was mutual, although there have been a few times when I've felt it before they have (or vice versa). Most of the time we've acted upon it almost immediately.

There have also been times when the chemistry, and subsequent attraction, has remained unspoken. Everything about the person (and our interactions) is electrifying. Our chemistry is almost tangible. It's like a bull fighting to get out of its pen. And yet, we wisely keep it subdued, at bay, unreleased, unspoken.

I have learned that not all chemistry needs to be acted upon. Chemistry that destroys existing relationships (like marriages or other committed relationships) is definitely not worth acting upon. Chemistry that ruins working relationships or friendships is rarely worth acting upon. Chemistry that defies logic or personal taste is questionable, as well. For instance, you might find yourself being attracted to a "bad boy" or a "promiscuous girl." It's probably best not to act on that.

It doesn't mean you don't feel it, though.

Constantly Thinking...about crazy chemistry

Make It Count! The Clock Is Ticking...

Last night, I saw what I thought was a fiery multi-car crash that completely closed down the west side of the 134 freeway in the Greater Los Angeles area. I burst into tears seeing the flames because all I could think was, "Those people were just on their way home, or going to the store, or heading wherever and SUDDENLY their life was derailed or, God forbid, cut short." I had just been on that side of the freeway as I headed to the store to run an errand. There but for the grace of God go I.

This morning I woke up to a text that a dear friend's brother had passed away suddenly from a heart attack at age 60.

This evening I learned that one of the most influential spiritual leaders in the world and his wife died in a plane crash - Dr. Myles Munroe and his wife Ruth.

We never know when our number is up. It's so important to live each day to the fullest, with purpose, showing love to your loved ones. We can't wait until tomorrow, because for some, it's not coming.
DeVon Franklin said it well, (paraphrasing) "Our life is a book being written by God. We never know if we're in the beginning, middle or end chapter."

We have to live each day with meaning. Forgive and ask for forgiveness, love and allow ourselves to be loved, find our purpose and fulfill it.

Most importantly, be confident about where you're going when you leave this life. It can be over in an instant. Make it count!

Constantly Thinking...and determined to constantly fulfill my purpose!

Be Incredible

Are you doing the most?

If someone came to this country to make a new life for themselves and they possessed all that you had – brains, beauty / good looks, family, talent, experience, education, love, wisdom, friends, material things, knowledge of purpose – would they be doing what you’re doing?

Or would they be doing the most?

What are YOU doing with all you’ve been given?

Someone would gladly trade their circumstances for yours.

My dad was a brilliant cook. He would look in my nearly bare cupboard and say, “Let’s see…syrup, rice, mushrooms, tuna – oh yeah! We’ve got a meal here!”

I would think he was crazy but then he’d create a delicious masterpiece.

What I saw as lacking or not enough he saw as opportunity.

If you don’t know what to do with what you have, what you’ve been given, what you’ve been born with, what you’ve learned and experienced – ask someone on the outside. Ask them a hypothetical question. “What would you do if you were a brilliant, handsome, creative, engineer who loved trains?”

Their answer will probably be simple. They’d be doing the most.

It's time to start being incredible (and stop making excuses!).

Constantly Thinking…

My Archangel Husband

So, I’ve decided my next (and last) husband is going to be an archangel.

I know, I know…you’re laughing, right?

That’s okay. Let me explain. I don’t mean a literal archangel, like Michael or Gabriel. They’re probably too busy for a wife, and far too old for me.

I mean a man with true archangel-type qualities. I recently realized that for me to fulfill my purpose, in love and in life, that’s what I’ll need. Therefore, that’s what God will provide. What could my purpose possibly be that would require an archangel? I know, right?! LOL. Well, God knows and so will my archangel husband-to-be.

What I can say is this…To truly know what and who you want and need, you have to know who you are. To know what’s truly best for you, you have to know your purpose.

Dr. Myles Munroe speaks on this a lot. If you don’t know the purpose of a thing, you’re destined to misuse it. That includes knowing your own purpose. Well, I know my purpose, and I’ve embraced it, so I know who I need. And my archangel husband…he knows his purpose, and he knows what type of woman he needs to fulfill it. Like all true love stories, we’ll know each other when we find each other. (I’m not out there looking for him, ladies. He’ll find me when God says it’s time. But I’ll know him when I see him!)

Let me tell you about my archangel husband and why I know he’s the one for me. (I just love talking about my man, by the way…)

Archangels are leaders. My archangel husband has to be a leader because I’m a leader. I don’t want a man that needs or wants me to lead him. I want a man who, after I get home from a hard but productive day of leading, says, “Relax, baby. I got this. I got you.” And, ladies, I don’t mean dinner – although my archangel can most likely cook. I mean I don’t have to come home and “run him.” I will run my house, because in my view that’s my responsibility and I embrace it. (FYI – to all you women who are bristling out there – running my house doesn’t mean I can’t have a housekeeper and a cook.)  My archangel husband won’t want or need me to come home and treat him like a baby. He’ll want me to treat him like a man and he’ll want to treat me like a woman – his woman. (unh unh unh!)

When we go out, my archangel husband will lead. Whenever we’re together, in fact, he will lead. I will be able to unstrap my “ladywood” because his...will be more than enough. He won’t be a bully or a tyrant, but a strong, confident man who has his woman’s back, and knows his woman has his back. Always. Unequivocally. Without question, without reserve, and without hesitation.

A true archangel knows what it means to have someone’s back. When Jesus was being arrested or attacked, he KNEW and said he could call on “legions of angels” if he wanted to. Archangels had Jesus’ back! That’s what I’m talking about! You know my baby’s going to have my back!

Archangels are leaders, but they’re also servants – serving at the pleasure of the Lord! (Oh that’s my man! That’s my man!!)

An archangel knows who he serves. He knows he doesn’t do anything by his own power, but by the power of the Lord.

Conversely, there’s a name for an archangel (or man) who thinks he’s doing it (or can do it) all on his own, by his own hand, by his own power – Lucifer. That’s not the type of angel or man I’m looking for.

My archangel husband will be powerful but humble at the same time. Only arrogant men need to boast of their accomplishments. True power, true confidence lets its work speak for itself. Archangels don’t need to one-up anyone. They don’t need to recite their achievements or wear them on their sleeve. They carry themselves with authority and humility. They have nothing to prove to anyone because they already know who they are! Yes!

I will have all faith and trust in my archangel husband because I will know completely and undeniably that he’s my protector and provider and supporter and my wonderful love-angel. Archangels understand and embrace the power of love. They’re not afraid of it. It’s their love for God and their understanding (and embracing) of His love for them that allows them to give and receive love freely! (Whoo! I love my archangel husband already!) People who know me know I love without reserve and my archangel husband will receive and return that love 100-fold.

My archangel husband will be made stronger because he’ll know he has the love of a good woman at all times. I’ll be made stronger by his love. We will be the perfect, power couple because our love will be our generator and our foundation.

Archangels are warriors. My archangel husband will have to be a warrior, because that’s who and what God has called me to be. My archangel husband not only won’t shrink away from battles, he’ll understand that I can’t and won’t either. He’ll know which battles I can handle on my own, which ones we need to fight side by side, and which ones he’ll have to stand in front of me and battle on my behalf. (Oh, I love my protective archangel husband to be!!)

Archangels don’t hesitate to fight for the side of right…which means they understand the difference between wrong and right. A man who can’t even conquer the wrong in his own life, is not an archangel-type. A true archangel-type man is not perfect – because no man is. But he self-corrects and seeks the Lord in areas where he may have challenges. He doesn’t deny wrongdoing or sin in his life. He faces it, admits it and then conquers it – with God’s help. That’s true archangel-type behavior.

An archangel is not trapped in bondage by sin and fear. He understands that truth and love are two of the most powerful weapons God has given us to fight with. He runs his life with those two things - truth and love.

My archangel husband is the same on the outside as he is on the inside. He’s not presenting one side to the world and another in private. A man who lies to himself and to others (or as scripture says, “looks in the mirror and immediately forgets what he looks like”) is not my archangel. My archangel husband is exactly who and what he presents himself to be! He is truthful to himself, to the world and to me, as I will be to him.

Speaking of truth, an archangel can be trusted with Godly things, worldly things, people – and with everything that concerns me…my spirit, my child, my family, my finances, my body, my mind and my heart. My archangel husband will be the spiritual head of our household.

A dear friend of mine questioned whether or not she should be looking for an archangel, as well. I told her not everyone needs one. It depends on your purpose. She jokingly responded, “Well, I don’t want a spiritual punk.” LOL – none of us want one of those. I assured her there are a lot of wonderful men in between a spiritual punk and an archangel.

In all honesty, I used to think I was going to have to marry a pastor, based on my purpose and calling. However, I realized (and told my friend) that pastors are not usually archangels, they’re usually more like Jesus – loving and merciful and gentle teachers. Archangels aren’t above Jesus, in fact, they do Jesus’ bidding. Pastors are usually assigned to shepherd a particular flock. For the most part, they have to remain stationary. Archangels, on the other hand, go wherever they’re called. They go where the battle is – which is what I’m called to do.

My archangel and I will be all over the world – sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively, through the areas of work and purpose to which I’m called (and presumably he will be, too). Our gifts and talents will be complementary. We’ll strengthen and support each other, working hand in hand…literally, figuratively and lovingly.

This may all seem unrealistic to some people reading my blog. That’s okay. It’s not unrealistic to my archangel husband-to-be.

God has already told me I’m going to remarry. He’s already told me that my next husband will be my last. He’s already told me that together my husband and I will fulfill our purposes. Me helping him, and him helping me. I don’t need anyone else to co-sign on that for me….except my archangel when the Lord introduces us!

But for you doubters, let me say this…there’s someone for everyone. I’ve seen the most unattractive people happy in love. I’ve seen the least intelligent people happy in love. I’ve seen blind and paralyzed people happy in love. Their spouses are uniquely qualified and designed just for them. They were made for each other.

I know who I am and I know my purpose. My archangel husband is uniquely qualified, designed by God, to be my partner. The bottom line is, if I exist, then so does he.

I’m looking so forward to meeting him!!

Constantly Thinking...about my archangel husband-to-be.

I Had a Choice

Lately, several people have either questioned my beliefs or asked me why I believe. Sharing why I believe in God is an easy thing since most, if not all, religions believe in a higher power or a supreme being. Sharing why I'm a Christian - meaning, why I believe in Jesus - is a bit more complicated.

Let's start with the first thing, though - believing in God.

I'm honestly amazed and truly flabbergasted at people who don't believe in God at all. Usually, they pride themselves on being too intelligent or logical to believe in a supreme being that created us all. They think it's a cop-out mentally for the masses (or for whatever percentage of people do believe). "Anything you can't explain, just attribute it to an unknown super being."

And yet, they can attribute intelligent life to an explosion or a big bang. From there, apparently, we all evolved from fish or some other animal.

To me, there's nothing logical about that at all.

If evolution was correct, there should be various stages of developed "animal people" at any given moment. Or is the logic that we all evolved at the same pace? Evolution comes in waves? It doesn't make sense to me. Scientists can't quite make it work either, but it seems more logical to them than a supreme being that they can't put under a microscope.

But this is not about why I DON'T believe in evolution or the big bang theory. It's about why I DO believe in God.

From the time I was self-aware I believed in God. (I wasn't a Christian yet, but I believed in God.) This in and of itself is interesting because I wasn't raised in church. The first time I was in a church with my father was my wedding day.

However, I always believed in God.

I was never so arrogant as to think I created myself. I knew I didn't give myself intelligence or talent or good looks (:-). Even in my blood-related family, we all have different looks, different gifts and talents, and different levels of intelligence. I knew I didn't create the air I breathe or the food I eat (plants or animals).

Something or Someone other than me, created the first man and the first woman. Someone highly intelligent with awesome design skills and creativity. It wasn't an accident. As intelligent as we are - as much as we're able to "recreate" - if an explosion could create life, we would have done it already in a lab.

So I never believed we were an accident created by chance. Someone greater than me was my ultimate Creator.

Where did That someone come from? I honestly don't know yet. But I'll find out when I return to the Source.

In high school, I heard - audibly heard - that particular "Someone" speak to me. (You can read about it in one of my earlier blogs.) I knew then for sure He existed. He gave me a choice and a charge at that early age. There was no question about what I was hearing and Who I was hearing from.

At that moment, I became more "self-aware" than most people, realizing that my every action, my every word, was a choice, and good or bad results would follow - either immediately or ultimately.

I'd already been known as a "goodie two shoes" or as my Dad would call me "Sweet Polly Purebread" or "Peter Playfair." It became even more intense after hearing from God. I knew Someone was watching me, holding me accountable.

From that moment on, my prophetic dreams began to increase - minor ones, major ones - extremely detailed. I remember dreaming of an argument between my parents before it happened (and my parents rarely argued). I knew the details down to what they were wearing. I shared it with my sister before the fact. Less than a week later, it happened just like I'd seen.

In addition to the dreams, I started to become acutely aware of good and evil. Most of us are. Like animals, we have a sense about danger - and dangerous, evil people. Most of you can recall a time when you walked into a room and sensed something not right. Or you met someone and they just rubbed you the wrong way - even though you couldn't put your finger on why. You wrote them off as creepy, without having a hard and fast reason.

I began to sense things and people like that on a regular basis. I'd always had that sense even as a young child, but it wasn't developed because I wasn't fully aware of it. My Aunt Trudie would laugh as I would sit and listen to adults, and then after observing them, confirm my assessment with a question: "If you hit a dog on the street, would you stop your car to see if it was okay? No? I didn't think so." I was seven or eight years old at the time.

Fast forward to my early 20s - I'm living my life and enjoying it, although I never could do the things other single women in their 20s could do. It just wasn't "right" for me. I became acutely aware of a nagging tap on my shoulder but I wasn't sure how to address it. I was aware I had a purpose, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was and how to fulfill it.

I was 24 and I'd only been to a church two or three times in my life - and the experiences were not positive. One of my co-workers became persistent in his request that I attend his church. He must have asked me every week for at least six months. Finally, I said yes to attending his church picnic. I figured that was "safe." It wouldn't be in the church building, it would be in a park. I would have an easy getaway, if necessary.

My brother and I went to the picnic together. What I found there - at that particular church - were other "Peter Playfairs" and "Sweet Polly Purebreads" who, like me, chose their words and actions carefully, recognizing they were being held accountable. I'd thought I was the only one.

I wanted to learn more about these people. Had all of them heard from God in high school like I had? Most hadn't. But many of them had heard directly from God. They were called. They were self-aware. They knew they had a purpose to fulfill. They were here for a reason bigger than themselves.

In learning about the reason, learning about purpose - mine and others - I met Jesus.

Jesus is the epitome of Purpose. He was sent here for a reason and He knew what it was. He was self-aware, and selfless. He wasn't so clueless as to think He just popped into being "just because" or as a random act.  He knew He was sent here, born into this world for a reason - as we all are.

He sensed (felt the "vibrations" of) good and evil. When He was speaking to people, He knew their whole story, regardless of what they said. He knew their lies and their failings and their goodness and their triumphs. When He dealt with evil people, He addressed their hearts. Jesus wasn't about condemnation but about restoration. Knowing all of us are here for a purpose, He never dismissed someone who lied or committed a wrongdoing. (I see this as a visual. If you created a box-car that was supposed to make it to the finish line, would you smash it or yell at it every time it veered off-course? Or would you gently push it back onto the proper course? That's Jesus. Flicking us off the path - or the face of the earth - when we make a mistake won't get us to the finish line.)

Whereas many religions are about vengeance, Jesus was and is the representation of love. Many religions are about earning your way through life and into "heaven" by doing good deeds. Your heart doesn't count, it's the number of tasks you complete. If you can check the box, and complete enough good deeds, you're in. You can be the meanest, cruelest, most vile human being, but if you pull out your checklist at the "heavenly" door, you're good.

Not so, says Jesus. It's the heart that's being assessed, not the tasks. Jesus says, "I'll get you in. You just do your part as well as you can, believe in me, stay in purpose, operate in love, forgive and ask for forgiveness when necessary, and when you get to the door, you can say 'My friend Jesus put my name on the list.'" What's funny is that just saying His name doesn't do it for you. You actually have to have a relationship with Him. And, amazingly, the more you get to know Him, the easier it is to follow His example.

Although I study fervently, I realize I still have a limited understanding of all of the world's religions. But what I have learned is that Jesus, Christianity, is about love and purpose. Christianity is not just the afterlife, or about keeping count of our good and bad deeds, or about vengeance, but about being selfless and loving and recognizing we are all here for a purpose. We will make mistakes and bad choices, but it's our heart that we have to get right.

Jesus was sent here as an example to us. He showed us how to operate in love, how to put the big picture (purpose) before our personal agenda, how to stand up for what we believe in without wavering and without being judgmental.

As a Christian, I'm a follower of Jesus. I don't add any other labels - not "Baptist" or "Catholic" or "Protestant" or "AME." I don't think of those religions as wrong, just not necessary...for me. It's my understanding and belief that they were created because people learn and worship in different ways. Different religions represent those different types of learning and worshiping styles. The Bible warns us about aligning with them...telling us not to say "I follow Peter," "I follow Paul" (or "I'm a Baptist," "I'm a Catholic").

It's not that it's wrong, per se, it's that we can put more importance and emphasis on the style of worship than on Who we're worshiping.

I honestly see value in most, if not all, Christian religions - and many of the non-Christian religions.

For me, however, Christianity is my choice and my truth, because of personal experience and knowledge. I don't beat people over the head with it, though, because Jesus didn't. He didn't do it - not because "right" and "wrong" are subjective, they're not! He didn't do it because God gave all of us a choice. "I've set before you this day life and death, blessings and cursings. Therefore choose life so that both you and your seed may live." The operative word here is "choose" - He won't force you.

Honestly, that's my biggest question when I get to meet Him face to face. Why did you give us a choice?

I have a bit of the answer already, but only a bit. The enemy (and yes there is one) leads and gets you to choose him and his will through fear, arrogance, deception and ignorance. God, on the other hand, leads by example (through Jesus), love, mercy and knowledge and most importantly, "asks" you to choose Him of your own free will.

I've realized that I'd much rather have a friend (or spouse) that chooses me and a relationship with me of their own free will - because of what they know about me. I'd trust that person much more than someone I scared, manipulated, lied to or bullied into being my friend or my spouse. Once there's someone else who scares them more or lies better, they're out.

My commitment to someone I choose to love is so much greater! God knows that. If I was building an army or a Kingdom, I'd want an army full of willing soldiers; a Kingdom full of willing citizens.

But my question to Him will be Why? Is it for an upcoming battle? If so, what battle lies ahead that has forced us to have to make the choice? What battle lies ahead where we'll have to know the difference between good and evil, and fight for the side of right?

Until that time, I will continue to work hard to fulfill my purpose here on the earth (because it's not just about me and my life) and I will tell people about Him and why I believe in Him. Just as I introduce people to all of my wonderful friends and family whenever given the chance, I will introduce Him to those who haven't met Him yet. But just as I don't force my friends to be friends with each other, I don't and won't force people to have a relationship with Him either.

Many friends told me about Him before I met Him. Michael Forrester made the introduction. I made the choice to enter into a relationship with Him.

He gave me the choice. I took it, freely and willingly.

The Clock Is Ticking

[I wrote this in February 2010, and it's still true today. Wow.]

So, these last couple of months have been really rough for me. They've dented my usually high, happy spirits.

I'm usually the one who encourages everyone to step out on faith, be the best they can be, do the right thing, take the risk, believe the best, be strong.

But over the past few months, I stumbled. I got punched. I fell prey. I got scared. I became disillusioned. I was taken advantage of. I was played for a fool. I made bad choices. I had a health scare. I trusted in man when I should have trusted in God. I lost a friend. I got my heart broken. I lost hope.

One blow after another took me down, really, really down...for a while. There was no light at the end of the tunnel...for a while.

I knew I had to stand back up, not just for me, but for my son, for my family and friends, who love and depend on me. I had to stand back up for my employees, colleagues, superiors and members who count on me at my job. I had to stand back up for the people who are blessed - whose lives are changed - by the gift God has given me (my calling) to do stage productions and films.

But I didn't have the strength...at first.

The health scare is still there. They're ruling out breast cancer. But no matter what they find, regardless of my family history, I'm not really worried about breast cancer. My mom survived it with strength and faith. I can too, if necessary. Breast cancer doesn't really scare me.

The challenges on my job are still there. I've gotten "punished" for doing the right thing. I made a decision to decline a project based on what I considered unethical business practices and the powers that be got upset with me. I can handle that. It doesn't feel good. But I know that I'm an asset to any company. I'll be fine. I never thought I'd be there for life - it was always for a season. If this season is wrapping up, I'll be okay.

The challenges to my finances are still there. It is what it is - for the moment. But I'm a child of the King - and He has access to everything I need - resources, finances, favor, blessing. Plus, he's given me the intelligence, skill and talent to earn income. I may be low right now, but I'm not worried about being homeless, and I know we won't starve.

The love situation - well, out of respect for those that I love I won't give details. Broken hearts are rarely one-sided, and they always heal in time - with God's help. I keep telling myself that because faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. It doesn't feel like it right now, but truth is not based on feeling. Truth just IS. I know I'll make it through this, too.

I've found that for me, because I love so deeply, a broken heart is more damaging to my spirit than a health scare, job challenges, and financial woes. (That's probably true for most.)

But all of that added together, dumped on top of each other, and my light began to dim. My faith began to wane. My heart began to shut down.

To top it all off, I had a dream. Having a dream wouldn't be a big deal, except I have prophetic dreams. I usually know which of my dreams are prophetic because of how vivid they are. And when I have a dream that feels normal while I'm having it, but when I wake up I realize it was a nightmare - in content - it usually comes true.

So, in this dream, I was talking to some friends/business associates and we were making plans for a project we were going to work on together. One of the friends said, "We won't be able to complete this for at least five years."

To which I replied, "Five years? I won't even be alive in five years. We have to finish this project sooner."

No one in the dream seemed horrified or even surprised at my pronouncement. They just took it in stride and adjusted the timeline of the project to be finished earlier. Then I woke up.

Well, with everything I've been going through, plus the health scare, it occurred to me - what if my dream was prophetic? What if my time is that short?

That was the last piece of disillusionment I could take. My light went from dim to off.

I had a friend who became my Peter - he didn't receive my dream as prophetic and told me it was absolutely NOT going to happen.

I had a prayer warrior tell me that my dream was from the devil because the Lord promised all of us 70 years.

For some reason, those things didn't lift my spirits - although I certainly appreciated them.

But, thankfully, God Himself spoke to me, as He does when He knows I really need to hear directly from Him.

What He told me was this:

I could call you up here tomorrow, next week, next year or fifty years from now. Your job is not to worry about how long you have on earth. Your job is to complete your assignment.

I heard Him and I got it.

When He calls me, I need to be busy working on what I've been assigned to do, not stagnating in fear, disillusionment, discouragement, anger or even broken-heartedness.

Another friend said, "Then that means your dream was from the devil after all."

Not necessarily. It could have been from God, so that I would know I need to speed up my productivity. But not so that I would stop what I was doing and watch the clock in fear.

I got a visual of taking a test - one that I know all the answers to. When the professor says, "Ten more minutes," I start answering as fast as I can. I don't just sit and look at the clock in horror. (LOL. Some people may do that but I don't. If I didn't know the answers I guess I might.)

As He always does, He confirmed His word with additional signs and messages (and I know there are more to come).

A very good friend who has been challenged beyond compare recently - and nearly gave up - was honored this month by her company (pharmaceutical sales) as one of the top ten in the nation! She's also going to school for another degree and recently got an A in a tough class. She owns two homes (in this economy), and cares for an ailing family member. And yet, she hasn't stopped being productive. God blesses her because she uses her gifts and talents to the fullest - no matter what the obstacles.

Her determination, commitment to excellence, and ultimate success, were an inspiration to me.

I know the assignment that I've been given. I know the gifts and talents that God's blessed me with. I know what I'm capable of.

The clock is ticking - as it always is.

But I have a job to do.