A new year. A new beginning - in so many ways.
It feels as though my life has completely changed in the last year. Relationships have ended. After three years I'm no longer employed with a company I gave so much to. My own production company is coming off a two-year hiatus, resuming in a new location, with new strategies.
There have been good things, too. Friendships have deepened or rekindled. Long-lost friends have been found. My "baby" has truly grown up - he's becoming a man with his own thoughts and ideas - no longer a little boy. (I think that's a good thing, right?)
Most importantly, I've learned a lot about myself. Who I am. Who I'm not. What I want and don't want. Why I've made the choices I've made.
A serious health scare at the beginning of the year made me really think about who and what is important to me. What do I really want to spend my time doing? Who do I really want to spend my life with?
Fortunately, I didn't wonder about where I'd be if life ended suddenly. I did, however, wonder if I'd hear those all important words: "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
And now, faced with sudden and unexpected unemployment, at yet another brink of relationship change, recognizing that how I go about doing my life's work is going to be most important in the future, deciding between coasts, needing to not just earn a salary but enough to prepare for retirement...I am at an official Crossroads in my life.
Where do I go and what do I do next?
Sigh.
The good news is that although I recognize every action, every decision, even every word counts...I know that life is all about change. If I make a mistake, I can graciously pick myself up, dust myself off, and try again.
We can try again with another job. We can try again with friendships. We can try again with love.
I'm reminded of the scripture about the adulterous woman...and Jesus' love and forgiveness with her. He didn't say, "Wear your mistakes and your sins around your neck for the rest of your life." Instead, He said, "Go, and sin no more."
When you realize you've made mistakes, chosen the wrong path, made a foolish choice (or two or three), you can go to Him and He can lovingly redirect you. And then you can look yourself in the mirror again.
So, whatever I do next...wherever I go next, I'll take with me the knowledge that I can only make choices (good or bad) based on my limited knowledge and experience. Chances are I'll get some things right and I'll make some mistakes.
And when I make those mistakes - and I know I'll make some - then I'll recover and keep walking forward, one step at a time.
That's all I can do.
Happy New Year, everyone. Have faith. Don't give up. Just keep swimming. Watch for me in 2011.
A new year, a new beginning, unbelievable impact! That's my 2011 motto.
