Christmas Movies Are the Best (and the Most Predictable)

 

 

There are really only a few Christmas movie plots. They just change the characters, locales, and their field of work.

 

- A deceptive person (but, deceptive for "good" reason, of course), pretends to be someone else. The unsuspecting soul falls in love with the fake, then rejects them when they find out about the lie.

Resolution: They forgive the lie and get back together.

 

- Some random accident causes amnesia. Even though they don't know who they are, they fall in love, only to find out they already have a boo - who they didn't really love - but they still choose to go back to them.

Resolution: They dump the boo and get together with the new person.

 

- A sad soul no longer celebrates Christmas because of a loss. They meet someone who makes then re-think their bah humbug attitude, but then reject them.

Resolution: They realize Christmas is worth celebrating and decide to love again.

 

- A rich person who values only money and things finds themselves in a place where they're forced to live modestly during the holidays. They fall in love and seem to transform, but then choose their lavish lifestyle and head back to the big city.

Resolution: They realize their life is empty and return to the modest town and the love they found there.

 

- Conversely, a poor (or modest means) person ends up working for or serving a rich person (or royalty). While there, they fall in love with the rich, royal, single person (prince or princess) but the family rejects them for not being good enough and sends them away. Their love interest doesn't do enough to stop it.

Resolution: The rich person goes and gets their modest boo and they live happily ever after.

 

- To impress their inquisitive family, a single person fakes having a boo - no strings attached. There's drama when the family finds out, plus they've actually developed feelings for each other - but neither wants to vocalize it, so they break up.

Resolution: Somebody decides to be brave enough to share their feelings and they get back together. The family is thrilled.

 

***

 

Don't get me wrong, I will watch all these familiar plots during the holidays. I can't, however, tell you the names of most of them. And I can usually tell in the first 5 minutes which of the above plots it's going to be and how it's going to end up.

 

That's why many holiday movies outside of those re-used story-lines are more memorable:

 

- It's a Wonderful Life

- The Santa Clause

- A Christmas Story 

- Miracle on 34th Street

- Elf

- Jingle Jangle

- Home Alone

- Die Hard

- Preacher's Wife

- The Polar Express

- Plus, Rudolph, Frosty, Charlie Brown Christmas, etc.

 

And even though While You Were Sleeping combines some of the plot lines above, it does it well.

 

Predictable or not, I still love Christmas and Christmas movies.

 

 

Living Grief

When talking to a client/friend recently, I used the phrase “living grief.”

I made it up on the spot to explain the grief felt when a relationship – with someone still living – ends.

I have found, with few exceptions, that living grief is much more difficult for me to process and get over than the grief I feel when someone I love passes away.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel both – intensely. But there is sometimes a peace about someone who passes away. If they’ve been in pain, especially physical pain, I am thankful that they are no longer suffering. If they were advanced in years and could no longer do the things they used to, I imagine them in heaven young and vibrant.

Even with the sudden and unexpected losses that I’ve experienced, once I’ve gotten over the trauma, I truly believe that God swept them up to heaven to spare them from some horrendousness that we couldn’t even imagine. (There is scripture to support this.)

I’ve realized that break-ups – both romantic and platonic – are much harder for me to get over.

I believe it’s because I’m processing both the loss of and the rejection from someone I care(d) about. How could someone not want my love? How could I think something was good or even great, but they thought it was bad or that it had no value?

Living grief often keeps me stuck in a loop, hashing and rehashing what happened, what was said, what could have been misunderstood – by both of us.

Sometimes, to get over it, I will think of the person as being dead. Not in a callous “you’re dead to me” type of way. Just in a way that helps me not to expect them to be in my life any longer. I can still have cherished memories, just don’t expect their presence.

Of course, that only works until I see them again. Seeing them again often creates a shockwave that sends me spiraling backwards into the “mental loop of bondage.”

To get over the “living grief,” I’ve tried prayer, putting them in my “God urn” (where I put things that only God can handle), removing them from my contacts and all my social media accounts. Still, as fate would have it, they pop up – again and again.

I’ve asked God how He processes people who reject Him or find no value in a relationship with Him. Mostly, He says, “Shake the dust off your feet...” and keep it pushing.

That has been what’s helped me most. Recognizing there are people who want to be in a relationship with me (platonic or romantic) and focusing my time there.

Why focus on the painful rejection when there are so many who are offering and reciprocating your love?

It doesn’t mean I won’t feel the loss sometimes. I will. Just as I still feel the loss of loved ones who have passed away.

With those who have passed away, I redirect by focusing on cherished memories.

Now, when I’m feeling the pain of “living grief,” I turn my attention to those who choose to be in my life. Those who love and value me, just as I love and value them.

Constantly Thinking…