Unactionable Love

Some love is unactionable. You can feel it, strongly. It can even be mutual. Acting on it, however, is not an option. Acting on it actually destroys it.

Unactionable love is different than "forbidden love," although they are very similar. Forbidden love speaks on its desire. Forbidden love often takes action.

Conversely, unactionable love typically stems from strong character and unwavering integrity. Acting on it, or even speaking on it, can fracture one or both of those. Forbidden love sometimes seems to grow stronger when engaged.

Unactionable love can be due to any number of reasons. It may be the unavailability of one or more person. It can be due to the position the parties hold. It can occur when distance prevents a real relationship.

I have experienced unactionable love multiple times - for all of the reasons above.

Here's the thing, though...unactionable love still feels good. The emotions are still sincere. It's based on huge admiration and respect. Nothing needs to be said or done or even acknowledged.

An emotionally mature person can simply just enjoy the beauty of it.

I will say this... an emotionally "immature" or broken person is compelled to act on love, regardless of whether or not they should. That's the "forbidden love" state of mind. I've been there, too.

Once.

In a hugely broken state, I acted on a love that was not just unactionable but forbidden. It literally destroyed me. That's one of those mistakes you do NOT make twice.

Now, coming from a significantly healthier and self-aware place, I can enjoy the warmth of the love, even as it remains unactionable. There is no temptation to breach it by acting on it. That would actually be counter-productive because, once you act on it, the love immediately begins to fade. It has to because it's based on character and integrity. If the character or integrity changes or weakens, inevitably, the love is affected.

For now, I am absolutely content recognizing that my heart is indeed a very active muscle, healthy and strong. It has not hardened or shriveled up into an almost non-existent raisin. I also love how well my heart communicates with my brain and my spirit now. A healthy heart stays in check as it realizes what's on or off-limits. Unhealthy hearts (and minds) can't do that.

I say "for now" I'm content because my heart knows that the one for me, the one I'm allowed to love without reserve, without barriers or boundaries, is coming. I'll need a healthy heart to be ready for him.

Most importantly, I'm excited and encouraged that my happy and healthy heart still has the ability to recognize and be engaged by greatness, and after doing so...it skips a beat, or beats faster.

Love is the best feeling in the world, unactionable or not. 

Constantly Thinking...