Joseph (in the Bible) shared a prophetic dream of power and
success and got thrown into a well by his brothers. A homeless “man with a
golden voice” is discovered by a videographer and even strangers support him in
his success.
Why is it that some people are happy for others’ success and
others seem to be intimidated by it? Based on a lifetime of professional and personal success and a few epic failures, I have made several observations about people who support you when you're up, kick you while you're down, or attempt to "knock you down a peg" whenever possible.
Let’s first take a look at who makes up the group of success
supporters.
Who Does Your Success
Benefit?
- Your children – Your
success benefits your children basically because they get more benefits
- Your spouse
(usually) – Unless you have an insecure or competitive spouse, your success
will typically benefit him or her
- Your employees and
potential employees – When you get paid, so do they. There’s a direct
benefit here. For potential employees, your success means they may be offered a
job at some point.
- Your clients –
Being represented by or contracting with a successful company or business
leader gives you credibility
- People you pay and
regularly visit or use their services (stylist, fashion consultant, trainer)
– Similar to employees, when you get paid, so do they. It’s a bit more indirect
than employees, but there’s a benefit nonetheless. Their business counts on you
and others like you being able to afford them.
- People who are
inspired by or believe in themselves based on your success – This is the
category that supported the man with the golden voice. People were inspired.
This category also includes people you mentor, or people who admire you from
afar.
- Your financial
investors – Your financial investors are literally counting on your
success.
- Your emotional or
professional coaches (those who have invested time and wisdom into you) –
Your success benefits your coaches on two different levels: 1) An emotional
level from contributing positively to someone’s life; 2) A credibility level –
their words, advice and wisdom are valuable.
With any of the people in this group, feel free to share
your success. They will be almost as thrilled as you are.
Now let’s take a look at the success detractors.
Who Does Your Success
Intimidate?
- Those who are jealous
of or compete with you – Typically, if you’re competing with someone in
some or fashion – not necessarily for the same job or opportunity, but just in
general – these people will not pleased with your success. This may be a “keep
up with the Joneses” type of friend who always one-ups you when you talk about
something positive in your life.
- Those who feel that
your success somehow takes away from their own, even if it’s in a completely different
area – There are those who believe there are a limited number of positive
opportunities. For every one that you get, that’s one less for them.
- Those who are
insecure – Some people think so little of themselves that they would never
even reach for success. They can be close to you when you’re struggling, but
when you start to succeed, you simply point out their failure or lack. They can’t
support you.
- Those who can or will
only support the underdog – There are actually people in the world who
think that successful people are evil, just because they’re successful. They
assume (sometimes correctly, oftentimes incorrectly) that for you to succeed
you must have stepped on some poor soul. Therefore, they can’t support you in
your success, just on GP.
- Those who just don’t
like you – Like Joseph’s brothers, there will be people who despise you for
your success. There will be people who just despise you, period. They want
nothing but to see you fail or struggle. Your success infuriates them.
If your family or friends fall into this group, be wiser
than Joseph was, and don’t call them to share your success. They’ll notice it
anyway. If you share it with them, they’ll only think of it as bragging (and you may get thrown into a well).
People can actually be in both the Success Supporters and
the Success Detractors groups at the same time. Your success can benefit
someone who despises you. When you become highly successful, it’s sometimes
hard to tell which category people are in. They can all “sound” like
supporters.
Pay attention to the nuances, listen to the tone, observe
the body language, and note the word choice.
Some key phrases to be mindful of are:
- I’m happy for you.
- How nice for you.
- Good for you. (Pretty much any “for you” phrase is a red
flag.)
- Really? Wow. (with no exclamation point)
- That’s great. (with nothing following)
Too much insincere gushing is also a red flag. It usually
includes the phrases above, but with “Oh my gosh!” added in front of it.
There is one other category of people that I’ve observed.
There are those who are thrilled with your success just
because they love you. It’s not that they benefit personally from your success.
It’s that they benefit from your happiness and contentment. Your happiness
simply makes them happy. A wonderful spouse, great children, supportive family
and true friends can also fall into this category.
This, of course, is the best category.
Which group do you fall into most frequently? Can you be
happy for other people’s success?
I’m Constantly Thinking…
