The Clock Is Ticking

[I wrote this in February 2010, and it's still true today. Wow.]

So, these last couple of months have been really rough for me. They've dented my usually high, happy spirits.

I'm usually the one who encourages everyone to step out on faith, be the best they can be, do the right thing, take the risk, believe the best, be strong.

But over the past few months, I stumbled. I got punched. I fell prey. I got scared. I became disillusioned. I was taken advantage of. I was played for a fool. I made bad choices. I had a health scare. I trusted in man when I should have trusted in God. I lost a friend. I got my heart broken. I lost hope.

One blow after another took me down, really, really down...for a while. There was no light at the end of the tunnel...for a while.

I knew I had to stand back up, not just for me, but for my son, for my family and friends, who love and depend on me. I had to stand back up for my employees, colleagues, superiors and members who count on me at my job. I had to stand back up for the people who are blessed - whose lives are changed - by the gift God has given me (my calling) to do stage productions and films.

But I didn't have the strength...at first.

The health scare is still there. They're ruling out breast cancer. But no matter what they find, regardless of my family history, I'm not really worried about breast cancer. My mom survived it with strength and faith. I can too, if necessary. Breast cancer doesn't really scare me.

The challenges on my job are still there. I've gotten "punished" for doing the right thing. I made a decision to decline a project based on what I considered unethical business practices and the powers that be got upset with me. I can handle that. It doesn't feel good. But I know that I'm an asset to any company. I'll be fine. I never thought I'd be there for life - it was always for a season. If this season is wrapping up, I'll be okay.

The challenges to my finances are still there. It is what it is - for the moment. But I'm a child of the King - and He has access to everything I need - resources, finances, favor, blessing. Plus, he's given me the intelligence, skill and talent to earn income. I may be low right now, but I'm not worried about being homeless, and I know we won't starve.

The love situation - well, out of respect for those that I love I won't give details. Broken hearts are rarely one-sided, and they always heal in time - with God's help. I keep telling myself that because faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. It doesn't feel like it right now, but truth is not based on feeling. Truth just IS. I know I'll make it through this, too.

I've found that for me, because I love so deeply, a broken heart is more damaging to my spirit than a health scare, job challenges, and financial woes. (That's probably true for most.)

But all of that added together, dumped on top of each other, and my light began to dim. My faith began to wane. My heart began to shut down.

To top it all off, I had a dream. Having a dream wouldn't be a big deal, except I have prophetic dreams. I usually know which of my dreams are prophetic because of how vivid they are. And when I have a dream that feels normal while I'm having it, but when I wake up I realize it was a nightmare - in content - it usually comes true.

So, in this dream, I was talking to some friends/business associates and we were making plans for a project we were going to work on together. One of the friends said, "We won't be able to complete this for at least five years."

To which I replied, "Five years? I won't even be alive in five years. We have to finish this project sooner."

No one in the dream seemed horrified or even surprised at my pronouncement. They just took it in stride and adjusted the timeline of the project to be finished earlier. Then I woke up.

Well, with everything I've been going through, plus the health scare, it occurred to me - what if my dream was prophetic? What if my time is that short?

That was the last piece of disillusionment I could take. My light went from dim to off.

I had a friend who became my Peter - he didn't receive my dream as prophetic and told me it was absolutely NOT going to happen.

I had a prayer warrior tell me that my dream was from the devil because the Lord promised all of us 70 years.

For some reason, those things didn't lift my spirits - although I certainly appreciated them.

But, thankfully, God Himself spoke to me, as He does when He knows I really need to hear directly from Him.

What He told me was this:

I could call you up here tomorrow, next week, next year or fifty years from now. Your job is not to worry about how long you have on earth. Your job is to complete your assignment.

I heard Him and I got it.

When He calls me, I need to be busy working on what I've been assigned to do, not stagnating in fear, disillusionment, discouragement, anger or even broken-heartedness.

Another friend said, "Then that means your dream was from the devil after all."

Not necessarily. It could have been from God, so that I would know I need to speed up my productivity. But not so that I would stop what I was doing and watch the clock in fear.

I got a visual of taking a test - one that I know all the answers to. When the professor says, "Ten more minutes," I start answering as fast as I can. I don't just sit and look at the clock in horror. (LOL. Some people may do that but I don't. If I didn't know the answers I guess I might.)

As He always does, He confirmed His word with additional signs and messages (and I know there are more to come).

A very good friend who has been challenged beyond compare recently - and nearly gave up - was honored this month by her company (pharmaceutical sales) as one of the top ten in the nation! She's also going to school for another degree and recently got an A in a tough class. She owns two homes (in this economy), and cares for an ailing family member. And yet, she hasn't stopped being productive. God blesses her because she uses her gifts and talents to the fullest - no matter what the obstacles.

Her determination, commitment to excellence, and ultimate success, were an inspiration to me.

I know the assignment that I've been given. I know the gifts and talents that God's blessed me with. I know what I'm capable of.

The clock is ticking - as it always is.

But I have a job to do.