I
have too often heard "She (or he) doesn't look at me with the same love
and respect she used to." When you find yourself thinking or saying this,
you may want to ask yourself what you've done that has been less than
respectable.
It
is hard to maintain a relationship with someone when they stop looking at you
with love, admiration and respect.
This
dynamic is true of all relationships - friendships, professional relationships,
and especially romantic relationships. It is almost impossible to sustain a
relationship when respect has been damaged or destroyed, unless you repair and
rebuild it.
The
truth is that people stop respecting us when we stop acting in a respectable
manner. Living our lives in a respectable manner, therefore, can be the key to sustaining
healthy, loving relationships.
That
may sound simplistic, but it's not. Living in a respectable manner takes a
conscious decision and is not always easy.
The
question then is what constitutes respectable behavior? Does it mean
perfection? Prudishness? Not having flaws or shortcomings? Of course not. People
can and will forgive mistakes and shortcomings when they're admitted or
acknowledged.
What
dents the respect is the unacknowledged, unrepentant and/or repeated selfish
behavior that causes hurt or pain to others.
Respectable behavior does the opposite of that. The true
mark of respectable character is not perfection, but someone who acknowledges,
apologizes, repents, and then does not repeat the wrongdoing. Furthermore, when
someone of respectable character makes a mistake or allows selfishness to get
the best of them, it is usually short-lived. They can’t live there. Their
character won’t allow them to stay in that place.
When a loved one (friend or colleague) can no longer see you
through eyes of affection, it is often the beginning of the end. Disdain and
disrespect are caused by repeated and/or unacknowledged selfishness.
You can rebuild or restore the trust and respect, however,
if you humble yourself, acknowledge your mistakes and, most importantly, show
you’re truly repentant by not doing it again.
Constantly Thinking…
“I have made so many mistakes in my life. I have hurt people
I love because of my thoughtlessness. I have hurt innocent people because of my
selfishness. To those I hurt I say this: I know I can’t repair all of the
damage I’ve done. I can only vow to do better; to act in a more respectable
manner. My words and my actions going forward will reflect my choice to be a
better person. I hope you will give me a second chance; a chance to show you
that I have changed. I have recognized the error of my ways. I am not who I was
before.”
