People Are Watching

You never know when people are watching. You never know when you're influencing a life.

I have a good friend who swears she's an introvert who doesn't like people. I have never met someone who naturally commands the attention in a room more than she does even when she's just sitting quietly. She's a natural leader, fascinating to watch and listen to, brilliant, funny, gorgeous, talented (sings like CeCe Winans!). Men and women constantly gravitate to her - they just want to be in her presence. When she walks into a room all eyes are riveted - men drop whatever they're doing to come to her side just in case she may need some help; women subconsciously try to imitate her poise or her walk or her voice. She's just got it - naturally. And yet, she swears she's an introvert. I've told her she's an extrovert inside an introvert's shell that she created as a defense mechanism. (She's thinking it over.)

People see her and she influences them, even when she's not aware of it.

Although I'm very outgoing now, I was extremely shy from elementary through high school. I had just a few close friends, and barely spoke to anyone. I was also quite introspective - trying to figure out who I was going to become.

I started to come out of my shyness in between 10th and 11th grades, but it was a slow process. I was still quite shy when I got to college. Layer by layer, however, I came out of my shell. Now when I tell people I used to be shy they don't even believe me.

I think of my pre-college years as my invisible years. But that's not actually true. People could still see me.

Over the years, especially since I've been on FB, I've had several high school friends find me - some that I remember, some that I don't. I'm always so surprised. Other than a few people, I didn't think anyone knew me back then, especially since I barely knew myself.

But, apparently, not only did they know me, I actually influenced their lives.

One woman who found me after I appeared in a feature story in Ebony magazine, told me that she's never forgotten my words of "wisdom." I, apparently, said I would never marry a man without first living with him. She said she really took those words to heart and made relationship decisions based on that.

I don't recall ever feeling that adamantly about living with a man before marriage. And I certainly don't feel that way now! Of course, back in high school I wasn't a Christian. I might have said anything. But, good grief, I was 16 years old! "Words of wisdom"??!! What did I know?

I had another woman recently write and tell me that all through our time in high school together she would speak to me and I'd never speak back and it really hurt her. She said she'd just recently gotten over it. (That was almost 30 years ago.) I certainly didn't mean to hurt her. I would never have intentionally ignored anyone. I either was so shy that I didn't recognize she was speaking to me, or I was so introspective that I didn't notice. Either way, I apologized - although I didn't remember the circumstances (or the woman, actually).

The bottom line is that no matter how shy I was or introspective I was, people still noticed me. No matter how much I thought I was invisible - I wasn't. People were and are always watching.

People saw me. They valued my words (or lack of them). I had value - even when I didn't know myself.

Which made me realize...

Our value, our influence, is not based on whether or not we recognize it in ourselves.

Does that knowledge change who you are or what you do (especially in public)?