Disappointed, Angry or Understanding?

Scenario 1:
You're counting on your wife to have a special three-course dinner prepared for your boss and his wife who are coming over for dinner tonight. You get home 15 minutes before your boss is due to arrive, and your wife's not home. You call her cell, and she answers frantically, "I'm on my way, honey! I got caught in a meeting that ran long! I'm so sorry! I'll pick something delicious up on my way home!"

Are you disappointed? Angry? Or understanding?

Scenario 2:
Your husband is laid off, looking for work, but at home during the day. On your way to work in the morning, you drop your daughter off at school (since you're leaving the house anyway). On your way home, you pick your daughter up from afterschool care. When you get home, you'll help your daughter with her homework, make sure she takes a bath, and cook dinner for the family. The only thing you need is for your husband to take the chicken out of the freezer, so it will be thawed and ready for you to cook.

You get home to find your husband sitting on the couch watching television, still in his pajamas. You go to the kitchen to start preparing dinner, but there's nothing thawed and waiting for you. You ask your husband about the chicken. "Sorry. I forgot," he says, and goes back to watching TV.

Are you disappointed? Angry? Or understanding?

Scenario 3:
Your new man says he's planning a special date for the two of you on Friday night. It's Friday morning and he hasn't said anything. In fact, although you two have talked all week, he hasn't mentioned your special date again. You decide to "casually" mention something to him during your next phone chat: "Should I wear something special tonight?"

"For what?" he asks.

"Our special date..." you say with slightly agitated surprise.

"Our special...? Ohhhh. Right. Oh man. I meant to tell you that I have to work tonight. We won't be able to get together tonight after all, babe. I am so sorry. I love you. Please don't be mad at me. Okay?"

Disappointed, angry or understanding?


4th & Final Scenario:
You and one of your boys are supposed to go to the Lakers game for your birthday. He's buying. Two days before the game, he calls to cancel. Something's come up. You figure you'll just roll with it. Take a different friend. You ask him if he'll just give you the tickets to the game - as a birthday gift. "Sorry, man. I hadn't bought them yet. And they're not really in the budget right now. Things are tight."

Disappointed, angry or understanding?

****

Now, I'm sure most of us would, at the very least, be disappointed with any one of those scenarios. Some would disappointed to the point of angry. Some would even be angry to the point of ending the relationship with the loved one or friend. Or perhaps the situation would make you doubt their love or affection or sincerity of friendship.

Is that fair? Should our relationships be based on (or ended because of)circumstances or fulfilled/unfulfilled expectations? Shouldn't we give those we care about and who truly care about us the benefit of the doubt?

Are there some friends or loved ones that you ALWAYS give the benefit of the doubt - no matter what the circumstances, no matter what it looks like or feels like? Or is there no one in your life who deserves a blanket benefit?

Let's look at those Scenarios again.

In Scenario 1 - The meeting your wife got called into was about the company being bought out. They're offering three senior executives - including her - a $1 million buyout. Still disappointed?

In Scenario 2 - Your husband went on four interviews that day. All four said he was overqualified. Feeling hopeless and devastated that he's unable to provide for his family, he decides to puncture his tire and drive his car off a cliff, making it look like an accident. He wants to make sure you and your daughter get the $250,000 insurance money and an obvious suicide wouldn't be acceptable. Tire punctured, he starts driving toward the edge of the cliff, when his cell phone rings. Your face pops up. He bursts into tears as he watches it ring. He loves you so much and doesn't want to leave you and your daughter. He'll keep trying. He pulls over, puts the spare tire on the car, turns around and goes home.

You may never know that, though. Can you still give him the benefit of the doubt?

In Scenario 3 - Your man really had forgotten. He's been working overtime to buy you an engagement ring, and that's all he can think about. You won't know that, though, for at least a month. Can you put your disappointment and anger aside - and just trust him - just give him the benefit of the doubt?

In Scenario 4 - Your boy got laid off from his job this week, the IRS took all the money out of his checking account for back taxes owed, he has an eviction notice on his apartment door, and his cell phone is about to be shut off. But he's too ashamed to tell you.

Still disappointed?

****
In a previous relationship, when I would feel insecure about my man's feelings for me - due to circumstances or unfulfilled expectations - he would tell me, "When I'm not with you, you have to KNOW that's where I want to be. You should never doubt my feelings for you and my desire to be with you." He was basically asking me to give him the benefit of the doubt. Such an important concept - one I teach on regularly. Not easy to live out, though.

Do you give your boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, family and friends the benefit of the doubt? This year, can you try to do that more?

Life is so much more enjoyable when we don't react so negatively to disappointing circumstances and unfulfilled expectations.