Everyday Heroes Trump Everyday Haters!

Three years ago I started acknowledging "Hero of the Day" on Facebook. Unbelievably, I received backlash from people who weren't selected on a particular day or weren't selected quickly enough (in their opinion). I know. Unbelievable.

After several wonderful and heartfelt posts, I stopped because I just didn't feel like dealing with the haters.

About a year later, I made a declaration (mostly to myself and God, but I shared with a few close friends) that I was separating myself from all the toxic people in my life.

So, here we are three years later, and the declaration has become a reality. All the haters have unfriended me on Facebook. :-D

My circle - especially my close inner circle - is a wonderful group of confident, upwardly mobile, loving, generous, humble friends and coworkers who don't operate in the world of pettiness and jealousy.

To be honest, it took a change in me to re-align myself with the right people. I was broken, and broken people attract brokenness. As I started healing, growing stronger and confident (again), I attracted people who were on that same path, or who had walked that path already and arrived at a place of secure in themselves.

During my journey, I realized it's not just that "like attracts like." It's also that opposites attract. Victims attract bullies. Naive people attract shysters. Vulnerable people attract those who like to dominate. Different shades or ends of the brokenness scale, are drawn to each other. (ugh!)

I'd been so caught up in people pleasing and only seeing the best in people that I didn't realize I'd attracted a mob of shady characters who expected to be pleased at all costs. Not all of my friends were that way, of course. Just the super loud, ultra sensitive, easily offendable ones.

There are a few "confidence-challenged" friends whom I still consider close. They're strong enough, however, to keep their insecurity in check. They realize it would be detrimental to our relationship to throw shade when I compliment someone else.

With that said, I will resume what was a really wonderful, thoughtful, and appreciated tribute. I will acknowledge my Heroes of the Day, as often as possible!

Constantly Thinking (and appreciating people)... 

Safe

Feeling safe in a relationship is priceless.

We’re so used to feeling vulnerable when we care about someone that we don’t realize we can actually feel safe and vulnerable at the same time.

The feeling of falling…in love... makes you feel uncomfortable…but not necessarily unsafe, I’ve learned.

Feeling safe doesn’t just mean feeling physically safe, although that’s incredibly important, too. You want a man who can protect you if need be.

Feeling safe means you feel emotionally safe. You don’t always have to be “on.” You can be quiet, introspective and relaxed, or bouncy, or weepy, or grumpy without worrying that your relationship will be in jeopardy.

Feeling safe means you can feel safe to be uninhibited, safe to be vulnerable, safe to be silly, safe to be serious, safe to be who you are.

Safe means you know they’ll have your back – protect and defend your character and good name – whether you’re in their presence or not.

Safe means you can relinquish your position of power and submit to their will and their decisions, because you know they won’t do anything to harm you.

Feeling safe means you can share your highlights and challenges, your weaknesses and fears, without fear of embarrassment or shame.

Interestingly enough, I used to equate trust and safety. You would think they would be synonymous, or at least go hand in hand. Not necessarily so. Think Oskar Schindler with his wife. She couldn’t trust him to be faithful, but she felt safe with him.

Of course, in relationships we desire, and need, both. Having one, however, doesn’t mean you have the other; and the same is true in the reverse. Not having trust, doesn’t mean you don’t feel safe; and not feeling safe doesn’t mean you can’t trust your mate. I have known men who I have trusted implicitly, but did not feel safe with.

It took years before I felt safe in a relationship. I had no idea it was even possible until I experienced it.

Feeling safe is definitely worth waiting for. Now that I’ve experienced it, I don’t settle for anything less, not in any relationship. Friendships where you’re not safe are not friendships at all. They’re associates. I recently quarreled with a significant other who, unintentionally, made it clear that our relationship was not safe. I let him know I was not willing to accept that. Been there, done that. Won’t go backwards.

Feeling safe is no longer optional. It’s a requirement. It will be reciprocated. That’s just the way I love. I have a special person in my life that makes me feel safe right now. Our relationship is priceless. I have a few close friends where the safety is mutual. Priceless.

Today, I pay homage to the first man who made me feel safe. He changed my life. He set a standard and an expectation that must be met by all others.

Constantly Thinking…about feeling safe