The 10 Most Important Life Lessons I've Learned (So Far)

Here are the 10 most important life lessons I've learned so far (and I'm still learning).

1. Don't give your word unless you can keep it. When you have to break your word, tell them before they can tell you. Being honest and up front shows your integrity.
2. Love without reserve. Preserve the relationships you cherish. When you really care about someone, choosing to preserve the relationship rather than winning every argument, shows how much you really care. Be willing to be vulnerable. It doesn't mean you're weak. It means you know how to love. Your willingness to love and be vulnerable should always be stronger than your pride.
3.  Your job as a parent is the most important job you'll ever have. You're helping to form a life. Don't assume that teachers, peers or family members can do your teaching and loving for you. Your goal as a parent should be to prepare your children for life without you. Don't cripple them by over- or under-parenting.
4.  Never date a married man. Unless he's your husband. Then date him as often as you can! If you happen to fall in love with a married man, walk away. Preserve his marriage and your good character.
5. Take care of the body you have. It's the only one you'll get. Even when it's bigger or smaller than you prefer, love your body like it's a gift. That not only shows your confidence, it's very attractive to the opposite sex. Men may think they have a physical type, but a woman confident about her body and comfortable in her own skin, regardless of size, is attractive to most men.
6. Be the team. Relationships are all about knowing and believing you're part of a team. You two have to have each other's back. No one should be allowed to get in between you. Never speak ill of your mate to other people. It only makes you look bad.
7. Learn to apologize with no excuses. A simple, "I am so sorry" goes a long way. Recognize that when you're really sorry, you don't do it again.
8. Learn to rebound quickly. We all make mistakes. It's a part of life. If you screw up, and you will, pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. Repent or apologize if you have to. Then start all over again. How long it takes you to rebound shows your resilience.
9. Do what's right rather than what's easy. Rest assured, sometimes easy is right, but not often. What's right is rarely about the right now. Have vision and think past the right now.
10. Live in and appreciate the present. Don't wish for what will be or long for what was - at least not to the point where you can't appreciate the gift of now. Savor every experience, every relationship, every job, while you have it. It will end at some point. Living in the present shows your ability to be content.

Constantly Thinking...

Too Sweet for My Own Good!

I recently had a long overdue physical. The doctor asked all the pertinent questions and did all the appropriate tests. I shared all my relevant history and dutifully had a list of my current symptoms and maladies ready to discuss with him.

I rarely go to the doctor, not because I have anything against them, but because I rarely get sick. In fact, up until recently I only had emergency medical insurance. I was prompted to get full coverage, however, when at the end of last year, I got the flu, the norovirus, then the flu again with laryngitis! I figured that meant it was time for a check-up.

After meeting with my new primary care physician, I was told I would only get a call if there was a problem with my test results. Less than 24 hours later, I received the dreaded call. My heart sank.

It seems I've crossed over from "pre-diabetic" to full blown diabetes. My numbers were so high, the doctor said, that it required me to be on medication immediately. Fortunately, I can be treated with the oral meds and do not need insulin injections at this time.

Upon hearing my diagnosis I experienced a range of emotions - fear, sadness, worry and a bit of anger, frankly.

Why anger? Two reasons.

First, when they told me a few years ago that I was pre-diabetic, their advice was "lose weight and exercise more." So I did!

I'm the lowest weight I've been in 16 years, after having lost 50 lbs and dropped five sizes! (Woohoo!) Granted, I'm not yet at my goal weight, but I broke through that pesky plateau and now I'm making even greater progress.

I'm also exercising more and doing much better with my eating habits.

Which comes to the second reason I'm angry.

My eating habits have always been a challenge, but not in the way that most people think (including doctors). For me, "healthy eating habits" means the opposite of what it means for most people. I actually have to eat more to lose weight. My previous habit was to skip breakfast, eat a late lunch (if at all) and either eat no dinner or eat my first meal of the day at dinnertime. My portions were still small or normal size. Over-eating was not my issue. Instead, I unintentionally put my body into starvation mode.

This has been going on for more than 20 years.

After spending a hungry week with me back in 1993, my sister told me that I didn't even eat enough to maintain my weight. She surmised then that I was probably putting my body into starvation mode.

I didn't listen. (Which is why I'm angry with myself.)

A baby, a failed marriage, and several dozen pounds later, my eating habits were still the same. I'd eat every now and then.

With the exception of sweet coffee or tea, I didn't overload on sugar. I'm not a soft drink girl. I rarely eat candy, or dessert, or carbs, or anything!

Last year, when my church began the Daniel fast, I prayed about how I was to participate. My answer came fast, loud, and clear: "EAT BREAKFAST!" So while everyone else was cutting things out, I added food to my diet. Almost immediately, I lost 25 pounds!

Eating breakfast caused my metabolism to kick in. It made me hungry for lunch, and when I ate lunch then I was hungry for dinner. I enjoyed small sensible meals and they did the trick. My body released the weight it was desperately holding onto - just in case it didn't get another meal.

Thanks to my good friend Valerie, I was also able to add in some fun cardio. (Beyonce's birthday video helped, too. Dancing with her is a definite work-out!)

Then I plateaued. At some point last year, however, I broke through the plateau and started losing again. I'm not sure what triggered the much-needed drop. Perhaps it was the flu or the norovirus. Or perhaps it was the strong talking-to I gave my body. Words combined with the mental determination can be very powerful.

So now here I am. Eating better, exercising more, 50+ lbs lighter, and STILL diagnosed as diabetic. Yes, I know, it's reversible. Already my numbers have come down from 321 (!!) to 188, and today 166. I'll be back to normal numbers in no time. However, there is other damage that may have been done from my irregular eating habits.

That's mostly why I'm angry. I am angry at myself for not realizing the long-term damage that inconsistent eating could potentially do. Everyone understands the dangers of over-eating. Most people don't realize the danger of under-eating. My sister is trying her best to get me to not be so hard on myself. (Gotta love sisters.)

My new doctor, because he doesn't know me, told me I need to decrease my calorie intake, eat less, and continue losing weight. I'll continue losing, no doubt, but not in the way he suggested. That would have the opposite effect. I know from experience.

Anyway, I'm sharing this with my blog fans to encourage you to do whatever is necessary to get healthy - whether that's eating less or more, exercising, and getting a check up!

Know your body...and take care of it well. It's the only one you have. And when you get it wrong, like I did, try not to be so hard on yourself.

Constantly Thinking...

Heart-Led, Flesh-Led, Brain-Led or Spirit-Led?

Do you ever wonder “How did I end up in this relationship?!”

I recently received a revelation and understanding that has forever changed my life and my life choices.

We all know that we are three-part beings – spirit, soul (or mind), and body – but there are four distinct aspects of our being that can propel us forward in love, family or business relationships. Spirit, Heart, Brain or Body – one of these four typically dominates and guides most, if not all, of our thinking and behavior.

Body (or Flesh)

People who are flesh-led have the least restraint. They want what they want right now – whether it’s that piece of cake, that new pair of shoes, or that man or woman. They have to have it NOW. They also have no restraint when it comes to their temper or their words. They have flashes of anger and say whatever comes to mind while they’re mid-emotion. “I couldn’t help it” is a frequent phrase for them. Flesh-led people are rarely able or willing to look past the “right now” and plan for the future. Flesh-led people tend to move from interest to interest, job to job, person to person. When it stops “feeling good” they move on. Flesh-led people are constantly dealing with the repercussions of their actions or their words.

Brain

Brain-led people deal with facts they can see. Decisions (in business and relationships) have to make sense on paper for them to move ahead. They are typically very analytical and logical – even though, at times, their logic is faulty. They rarely, if ever, do anything by faith because faith is not logical. Brain-led people are not typically risk-takers. If it doesn’t add up on paper, they’re not going to risk it. Brain-led people usually keep a checklist handy – either a physical one or a running checklist in their head. Brain-led people are able to think and plan ahead, to a point. However, their forecasting is only based on facts they can see or easily anticipate. When the facts or circumstances don’t align with their logical plan, their whole game is thrown off. Brain-led people think that heart-led people are starry-eyed, illogical and foolhardy.

Heart

Heart-led people typically make decisions and enter into relationships based on deep emotions. They tend to believe the best in people, even when all indications are to the contrary. The saying “the heart wants what the heart wants” is profoundly true for heart-led people. Once their heart is engaged, they tend to hold on – defying logic and spirit. The heart and the brain are frequently at war, as love is not logical. Heart-led people are frequently taken advantage of because of their willingness to give second chances to people (and third, fourth, hundredth…). Many mothers – especially those who are unable to enforce any kind of discipline – have a heart-led relationship with their children. Conversely, a heart-led person with significant heart damage can be very dangerous. In an attempt to protect or fix their heart, they make deeply emotional decisions to exact revenge, or hurt someone the way they were hurt. Revenge is usually a heart-led emotion – caused by a very damaged heart (vs. jealousy which is typically flesh-led).

Spirit

People who are Spirit-led tend to be guided by something they can’t always put into words. They’ll have a “knowing” inside of them about the steps they should take. People can be Spirit-led regardless of their religious affiliation. People who frequently say “something told me to do that” (or not to do that) are in touch with their spirit. Spirit-led people pay attention when the hairs on the back of their neck stand up – even when it’s not logical. Spirit-led people tend to think in terms of long-term impact, legacy building. Spirit-led parents are comfortable using tough love with their children, knowing it will build their character or strengthen them down the line. Spirit-led people tend to be faithful, patient, disciplined with their words and their actions. Spirit-led people truly understand that there’s something bigger than themselves at work in the world. They believe in God or a higher power, recognizing that since they didn’t create themselves, what or whoever did create them will give them guidance periodically or frequently. Spirit-led people look and wait for that inner confirmation before responding to their heart, brain or flesh.

I have learned that I am a Heart and Spirit-led person. However, when my Heart is fully engaged, it tends to dominate my decision-making – over-ruling my Spirit and my Brain.

My charge, therefore, is first to make sure I keep my Spirit fed – through prayer, continuous dialogue with God, and studying His word. Then, when I feel my Heart being stirred, I have to immediately assess the object of its affection by the Spirit. If I don’t, if I just allow my Heart free reign, I end up in ungodly relationships.

Of my three most significant relationships, two were Heart-led, and one was Brain-led (coming off of a broken Heart). In both of my Heart-led relationships, both my Brain and my Spirit warned me against them. In my Brain-led relationship, my Heart, Spirit and Flesh (!) warned me against it.

Understanding now that I’m a Heart-led person helps me understand my choices, and causes me to be more aware of my own weaknesses and stumbling blocks. Frequently (thankfully!), my Spirit leads me away from bad people and relationships. It’s my Spirit that set the standard for me not to date anyone I wouldn’t marry. It’s the Spirit that will lead me into my next (and prayerfully, final) relationship.

So, what guides you in relationships? You don’t have to tell me, but you should be self-aware enough to know. Take a look back at your previous love relationships, look at your relationships with your children, your friends, your jobs. Are you Flesh-Led, Brain-Led, Heart-Led or Spirit-Led?

I will say this, when you are Spirit-Led, all of the other areas will be well-fed – Heart, Brain and Flesh.

If you frequently find yourself in unfulfilling or damaging relationships, consider making a change in what you allow to lead your decisions. 2013 could be a fantastic year for you!

Constantly Thinking (and Loving and Praying)