Fight or Flight: Overcoming Vulnerability

I recently had a conversation with someone I've grown to love and trust. During our conversation, I revealed some personal things about my past. Nothing ground-breaking or intimate, just things that mean something to me. While talking, I felt like I was being transported back to that time and space (a la "Somewhere in Time").

Once we parted and I came back to myself, I realized how vulnerable I felt having shared something so important to me...and panicked a little. Okay, maybe a lot.

I sent a note addressing not my vulnerability, but the way I relived the experience by sharing the story. I was hoping I would get a response that would put me at ease for having bared a portion of my soul.

And then...crickets.

Nothing. No response. All day long.

Now I'll speak in hindsight...

What happened next was it suddenly and drastically ignited one of my triggers. I went into fight or flight mode, and fighting was not an option. I was prepared to end that relationship right then and there. Every tortuous moment that went by convinced me I'd misread the situation, the person's character, and my ability to feel safe with them.

And then, finally a response. A response that made me feel safe again. A response that made me stop dead in my tracks and evaluate the extreme visceral reaction I'd been experiencing.

I was prepared to sever a relationship I've come to value more than any other of its kind, because I was feeling exposed, vulnerable, unsafe.

I thought back to other relationships I'd had when I'd experienced the exact same reaction. My knee-jerk reaction to sharing a piece of my heart and not receiving a "safe" reaction was to flee, end the relationship. Many of the men I've been involved with have the exact same reaction: Unexpected Vulnerability = End of Relationship.

I'm so glad I experienced this in a somewhat controlled environment and that the response was kind and swift (enough) to make me look at myself.

It became a necessary eye-opening revelation. I needed to recognize this trigger so that I can be prepared for my husband.

Constantly Thinking...