The World of What Ifs

I don’t often have regrets and I don’t live in the world of “what ifs.”

For every relationship I’ve had, I’ve understood why it began and why it ended, albeit not always immediately. I have no regrets for the learning and loving experiences I’ve had, although in some situations, I would have chosen differently if I had it to do all over again.

There were three different men I thought I’d be with for life (obviously not all at the same time). I was mistaken, but I grew as a person because of each and every relationship. The relationships – good and bad – all made me a better person.

The same is true for every job I’ve held. I understand how and why each one began and ended. There was only one job I thought I’d have for life. Again, I was mistaken, but I grew and learned – and still consider it the best job I ever held.

 

The Romantic What-If

There is actually only one man in my life that ever really made me wonder “what if…?” He and I have only ever been friends, and we have remained friends with no mention or even a subtle hint of anything other than friendship.

Had the opportunity ever presented itself (free and clear), however, I would have immediately said, “Yes.”

He’s brilliant and funny and has exceptional character. Everything I know about this man shows me that he would make me a better woman. There aren’t many people I can say that about. It’s not that he’d “try” to change me. The essence of who he is would make me want to be my best. That is the highest compliment I can give anyone.

I have been in “crazy, stupid love” twice in my life. One of them didn’t want me to strive to be my best because it put too much pressure on him to do the same. The other…well… although he seemed to admire and embrace the whole package, he actually appreciated my naughty alter-ego more than he did my superhero side.

Knowing my “romantic what-if” exists, lets me know that my real-life, lifelong, husband-to-be is out there. He’s looking for me just as sure as I’m waiting for him.

The Career What-If

I’ve only had one career what-if. When my son was less than a year old, I gave up my high-powered job to stay home and take care of him. At that time, I hoped it was the right decision. Now I know it was.

Shortly after I stopped working, I began writing film and television scripts in earnest. I wrote a spec script for my favorite television show at the time, and had the good fortune to get it in the hands of the show’s executive producer. She was very impressed, so much so that she wanted to hire me on the spot as a staff writer.

I explained that I’d just given up my job to stay home with my son, but that I was available to write from there. Well, anyone who works in the entertainment industry can tell you that’s a no-no for a new, unestablished writer. Why, she asked angrily, had I even submitted the script if I wasn’t prepared to take a job?

The friend who made the connection was disappointed, too.

Looking back, I’m not sure what I expected. I suspect I thought they’d be so impressed that they’d let me work on my terms.  I was hopeful, anyway.

I’ve often wondered where my career would have ended up if I’d taken that job. Would I have been able to offer my son more advantages, or fewer? Would he have been as well-rounded and amazing if I’d gone back to work at that point?

No regrets, but the what-ifs do pop up in my mind every now and again.

What I do believe is this…

If “he” and I were really meant to be together, it would have happened. If I was really meant to be a successful television writer, that would have happened, too.

My guy is still out there. And I prefer writing feature films.

Constantly Thinking…