I'm all about training, so I would frequently take her with me when meeting media or business associates so that she would have the opportunity to watch and learn. When they'd see us come in together, they'd immediately walk up to her, smile broadly and say, "You must be Connie St. John." She would just smile coyly and bat her eyelashes, remaining silent. Never would it occur to her to honor me as her boss and politely introduce me.
I would have to smile and say, "No, I'M Connie St. John," and extend my hand in greeting.
They'd blink several times and then respond with, "Oh, then this must be your boss?" extending their hand to her instead. Again, she'd smile and soak it all in, shaking their hand confidently, as though she really was my boss.
"Uh, no," I'd reply. "This is my assistant."
They'd look at me like I was joking, and then proceed to direct all business conversation to her instead of me. She'd go right along with them, attempting to field questions as though she was actually the executive she so desperately wanted to be.
At times, I would pointedly redirect the associate's attention with, "You know, when I HIRED 'Sally' (not her real name) as my ASSISTANT..." Or interrupt my assistant with, "'Sally,' you make an interesting point, but it's incorrect, because you're not yet experienced enough to know how it should be handled. That's why, as my ASSISTANT, you're here to observe."
Oftentimes, however, I would just observe the exchange in fascination, watching as she, incorrectly and without authority, would attempt to play the role of director.
Later, privately, I would check her on it, letting her know it was disrespectful to me as her boss, and remind her that she was not authorized nor experienced enough YET to operate in that capacity. Of course, she would be overly contrite, "I don't know what came over me. I completely got ahead of myself. I'm so sorry. You know I'd never disrespect you. I think you're the best boss, and I love working for you." Blah blah blah...
It was absolutely infuriating!
However, I could tell it wasn't just about her. I knew I needed to work on me, not just my executive skills but my executive attitude. I knew that wrestling her (or anyone) for authority or belittling her publicly wasn't the way to exude authority, nor was it in my personality.
The rage I felt when it happened, however, let me know I needed to figure it out, and quickly.
So, I prayed. Then, suddenly, two things happened.
The first was a vision. I was reading the scripture about Jesus washing the disciples' feet. I'd read it many times, but this time I saw something different. I envisioned Jesus washing Peter's feet, and as He did so, someone walked in - not knowing which man was Jesus and which was Peter.
If they were just to observe the situation - the position, the servitude - they could understandably (but incorrectly) make the assumption that Peter (whose feet were being washed) was Jesus.
If they did, I knew that Jesus wouldn't jump up and say, "I'm Jesus! I'm the Boss! I'm the Messiah! I fed the 5,000. You know, when I CALLED Peter..."
Even if Peter was so bold and rude and disrespectful as to let the ignorant man believe He was Jesus, Jesus still wouldn't attempt to wrestle His authority back from Peter.
True Authority doesn't need to be wrestled.
As I was letting this sink in, I witnessed true Authority in action.
One morning, I was walking into the company I worked for, along with the president of our division, a woman I greatly respected (and still do). We were both arriving very early so the receptionist wasn't in yet. As we walked past the receptionist's desk, chatting to each other, the phone rang. Without even hesitating, the president leaned over and answered it, "Good morning, ABC Company." (Not the real company name) She listened a moment and said, "Sure, let me transfer you."
I was slack-jawed.
This was THE PRESIDENT! She just answered the receptionist's phone. That wasn't the big deal. It was that she didn't identify herself as the president when she did so. That meant that the person on the other end of the line would have assumed they were talking to... the receptionist !! not the President, with all her authority. And that didn't faze her, as president, one bit.
I felt like The Grinch, standing there trying to make sense of it all:
And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
And then Connie, with her director title, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? She answered without her title. She answered without her name. She answered without pomp or circumstance or shame. And Connie puzzled and puzzled 'till her puzzler was sore. Then Connie thought of something she hadn't before. What if Authority, she thought, isn't gained by a war. What if Authority, perhaps, means a little bit more.
I realized that day that our President, answering the receptionist's phone, was confident in her authority. Her title didn't change when she answered that phone. Her paycheck wasn't reduced because she transferred a call. Her executive responsibilities and position remained the same.
And, in that moment, I had peace. In that moment, I truly understood and embraced authority. Authority, like true leadership, is not something to be wrestled, boasted about or proven. You either have it, or you don't.
Since that day, I have never concerned myself with trying to claim credit on a project. I don't try to over-talk attention hogs at meetings. I don't push for introductions, nor introduce myself by my title or accomplishments.
I know who I am, what I've done, what my responsibilities are, and what authority I have (or don't have).
Through this blog, that President, my friend and role model, is finding out for the first time how she changed my professional life for the better. Thank you, SG. You continue to be an inspiration and a role model.
Constantly Thinking....
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