Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Have You Lost Your Mind?! (The Perils of Facebook)




Picture this…

1) You’ve been invited by a dear friend to a small, exclusive dinner party. You attend and have a wonderful time. The next day, you see your friend at a huge “family and friends” reunion celebration. You ask the deejay for the microphone and announce publicly and loudly, “Thank you, my dear friend, for inviting me to your private dinner party last night! I had a great time! Too bad all of you weren’t invited, as well!” You smile at the end of your announcement and hand the mic back to the deejay.

2) While at a mall, you see a married man that you know slightly from church. You almost never speak to him, and see him even less frequently. You walk up to him and, with a wink, poke him in his side. He turns around and looks at you, shocked. So you poke him again and whisper, “It’s okay. Your wife can’t see me doing this.” From that moment on, every time you see him at the mall or the grocery store, you walk up to him, wink, and poke him (but only when his wife can’t see you).

3) You arrive at school and a girl you barely know walks up to you and tells you, “I had oatmeal and green juice for breakfast.” She flips her phone around and shows you a picture of it. It’s fairly disgusting. Then she stands there and waits for you to respond. When you don’t, she starts to get angry. “Don’t you LIKE oatmeal and green juice??”
You say, “Uh, not really.”
She replies, “Well, don’t you like ME?”
You say, “Uh, yeah, sure.”
She stomps her feet, “Then why don’t you say it?! Say you like me! Say it! Say LIKE when I tell you what I ate for breakfast!”
You stare at her, shocked.
“Fine! Then I don’t want to be your friend anymore!” she stomps away.

4) You’re at the airport when you hear an announcement, “My name is John Smith and I like women with big butts! Please look at the monitor if you want to see which kinds of big butted-women I like.”

5) While at the gym, you call and text all of your friends, family members, co-workers, associates, fellow churchgoers, and their friends and tell them, “I’m at the gym…getting it in.” Some don’t respond; some say, “Great! I LIKE that.” When you leave the gym and head to the grocery store, you call and text them all again and let them know where you are and what groceries you’re buying. Later, when you get home and cook dinner, you send them all a picture of what you ate (and forward a picture of your dinner to your local newspaper). One of your cousin’s friends responds to your picture of your dinner and asks if they can come over and eat some with you. You’re appalled at the audacity of their request. They don’t know you that well!

6) You see one of your friends at Target in an old t-shirt and scummy jeans, with hair a mess and no make-up on. She says she just ran in to get cold and flu medicine for her sick child. When she’s not looking you pull out your camera and take a picture of her, then email it to the Los Angeles Times for all to see. You send her a copy for her records, of course.

7) A husband and wife are at Disneyland, standing in line for Space Mountain. She turns to several people in line behind her and says, “I think my husband is insensitive when he doesn’t bring me flowers once a week.” In retaliation, the husband says, “If she stopped turning me down in bed every few days, I might bring her more flowers.” Then they both ask the line-standers, “What do you think?”
They all start responding, “I think you should have sex with him more often.” “I think he’s a jerk for not bringing you flowers.” “I’ll take him off your hands if you don’t want him.” “Only stupid women want flowers.” “Men are dogs who only want one thing. Dump him.”

****

People do all of these things (and more!) on Facebook and other social media as if it’s okay. It’s not okay!

Here are the general rules for social media (which should be common sense because they apply when we’re dealing with people face to face):

1) Don’t publicly thank people for an invitation-only event you attended. And don’t announce you’re going in advance if it’s not a public event. It’s insensitive not only to those who weren’t invited but to your host, who now has to field comments, questions and hurt feelings from the uninvited. Don’t post pictures from those events either. That’s the exact same thing! Hosts: because people have poor social media etiquette skills, you must now announce that no FB or Instagram posting will be allowed from your exclusive event.

2) Poking people is creepy and weird if you’re not close personal friends or in a relationship.

3) You can announce or post pictures of what you ate for breakfast or dinner if you want to, but don’t be offended when everyone doesn’t publicly like them. Don’t be offended when creepy stalker friends ask for a dinner invitation either – since you’re broadcasting your culinary skills.

4) Be aware that when you like porn photos, profanity-laden comics, or racially/politically offensive posts, everyone on Facebook is notified in their newsfeed. If you’re trying to convince people that you’re a good guy, a nice girl or a wholesome kid, while clicking “Like” on every ratchet twerking, half-naked, big butted picture you see, you’re failing…epically. We know who you are.

5) You are welcome to let everyone know where you’re going, where you are, and where you’ve been – but, just so you know, it can be dangerous – and most people don’t really care. It also creates FB stalkers and creepy encounters… “I saw you went to the store last night. I tried to get there while you were there, but I guess I missed you…” (Creepy)

6) Don’t take, post or tag people in photos without their permission. Period. That’s obnoxious.

7) Don’t air your dirty relationship laundry on Facebook or other social media sites. Respect your mate and deal with them directly. When you see someone’s dirty laundry being posted, don’t comment on it. You’re adding to the problem. If they really want or need advice, let them call you or send you a personal message. People who broadcast relationship issues are emotionally immature and shouldn’t be in a relationship in the first place. People who comment on them are instigators who need to stay out of folks’ business.

Listen, folks, if you know better than to do or say these things in public, what makes you think it’s okay to write or share them on Facebook – or any other social media site? Get it together and monitor your online behavior.

Constantly Thinking…and shaking my head!

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