Do you ever wonder “How did I end up in this relationship?!”
I recently received a revelation and understanding that has
forever changed my life and my life choices.
We all know that we are three-part beings – spirit, soul (or
mind), and body – but there are four distinct aspects of our being that can
propel us forward in love, family or business relationships. Spirit, Heart,
Brain or Body – one of these four typically dominates and guides most, if not
all, of our thinking and behavior.
Body (or Flesh)
People who are flesh-led have the least restraint. They want
what they want right now – whether it’s that piece of cake, that new pair of
shoes, or that man or woman. They have to have it NOW. They also have no
restraint when it comes to their temper or their words. They have flashes of
anger and say whatever comes to mind while they’re mid-emotion. “I couldn’t
help it” is a frequent phrase for them. Flesh-led people are rarely able or
willing to look past the “right now” and plan for the future. Flesh-led people
tend to move from interest to interest, job to job, person to person. When it
stops “feeling good” they move on. Flesh-led people are constantly dealing with
the repercussions of their actions or their words.
Brain
Brain-led people deal with facts they can see. Decisions (in
business and relationships) have to make sense on paper for them to move ahead.
They are typically very analytical and logical – even though, at times, their
logic is faulty. They rarely, if ever, do anything by faith because faith is
not logical. Brain-led people are not typically risk-takers. If it doesn’t add
up on paper, they’re not going to risk it. Brain-led people usually keep a
checklist handy – either a physical one or a running checklist in their head. Brain-led
people are able to think and plan ahead, to a point. However, their forecasting
is only based on facts they can see or easily anticipate. When the facts or
circumstances don’t align with their logical plan, their whole game is thrown
off. Brain-led people think that heart-led people are starry-eyed, illogical
and foolhardy.
Heart
Heart-led people typically make decisions and enter into
relationships based on deep emotions. They tend to believe the best in people,
even when all indications are to the contrary. The saying “the heart wants what
the heart wants” is profoundly true for heart-led people. Once their heart is
engaged, they tend to hold on – defying logic and spirit. The heart and the
brain are frequently at war, as love is not logical. Heart-led people are
frequently taken advantage of because of their willingness to give second
chances to people (and third, fourth, hundredth…). Many mothers – especially those
who are unable to enforce any kind of discipline – have a heart-led
relationship with their children. Conversely, a heart-led person with
significant heart damage can be very dangerous. In an attempt to protect or fix
their heart, they make deeply emotional decisions to exact revenge, or hurt
someone the way they were hurt. Revenge is usually a heart-led emotion – caused
by a very damaged heart (vs. jealousy which is typically flesh-led).
Spirit
People who are Spirit-led tend to be guided by something
they can’t always put into words. They’ll have a “knowing” inside of them about
the steps they should take. People can be Spirit-led regardless of their
religious affiliation. People who frequently say “something told me to do that”
(or not to do that) are in touch with their spirit. Spirit-led people pay
attention when the hairs on the back of their neck stand up – even when it’s
not logical. Spirit-led people tend to think in terms of long-term impact, legacy
building. Spirit-led parents are comfortable using tough love with their
children, knowing it will build their character or strengthen them down the
line. Spirit-led people tend to be faithful, patient, disciplined with their
words and their actions. Spirit-led people truly understand that there’s
something bigger than themselves at work in the world. They believe in God or a
higher power, recognizing that since they didn’t create themselves, what or
whoever did create them will give them guidance periodically or frequently.
Spirit-led people look and wait for that inner confirmation before responding
to their heart, brain or flesh.
I have learned that I am a Heart and Spirit-led person.
However, when my Heart is fully engaged, it tends to dominate my
decision-making – over-ruling my Spirit and my Brain.
My charge, therefore, is first to make sure I keep my Spirit
fed – through prayer, continuous dialogue with God, and studying His word.
Then, when I feel my Heart being stirred, I have to immediately assess the
object of its affection by the Spirit. If I don’t, if I just allow my Heart
free reign, I end up in ungodly relationships.
Of my three most significant relationships, two were
Heart-led, and one was Brain-led (coming off of a broken Heart). In both of my
Heart-led relationships, both my Brain and my Spirit warned me against them. In
my Brain-led relationship, my Heart, Spirit and Flesh (!) warned me against it.
Understanding now that I’m a Heart-led person helps me understand
my choices, and causes me to be more aware of my own weaknesses and stumbling
blocks. Frequently (thankfully!), my Spirit leads me away from bad people and
relationships. It’s my Spirit that set the standard for me not to date anyone I
wouldn’t marry. It’s the Spirit that will lead me into my next (and
prayerfully, final) relationship.
So, what guides you in relationships? You don’t have to tell
me, but you should be self-aware enough to know. Take a look back at your
previous love relationships, look at your relationships with your children,
your friends, your jobs. Are you Flesh-Led, Brain-Led, Heart-Led or Spirit-Led?
I will say this, when you are Spirit-Led, all of the other
areas will be well-fed – Heart, Brain and Flesh.
If you frequently find yourself in unfulfilling or damaging
relationships, consider making a change in what you allow to lead your
decisions. 2013 could be a fantastic year for you!
Constantly Thinking (and Loving and Praying)
