“All Black men cheat, have no job, have multiple babies by
multiple baby mamas, and are criminals. All Black women are single baby mama ho’s
who love to go out twerkin’, and are only attracted to bad boy criminals.” That’s
what society and even our own ethnic culture would have us believe. They’re
just keeping it real, right? What’s the problem?
The first problem is – it’s not true for all of us.
Secondly, for those who believe it and walk in it, even if they are the majority
– they don’t represent MY culture. I’m out!
I recently watched a Christian program with young black men
on a panel. I was disgusted and disillusioned by their words and their mindset
about women – not just because they were “Christians” but because they were
black men. The audience just applauded and nodded as they called women B’s and
Ho’s. Males AND females nodded and applauded, and the pastor leading the show
said nothing to rebut the men. Comments were made that they were just “keeping
it real.” It occurred to me how many people I knew would watch or hear what
they were saying and just agree. “At least they’re being honest.” It made me
sick to my stomach and, frankly, I got angry! Livid, in fact.
It made realize – and say out loud – MY future husband is
NOT coming from this culture, because my husband would never think or say the
things those men just said about women. The culture that my future husband is
part of would not find that acceptable. It may be hard to believe, but there
are actually cultures who would not allow their men to get up on national
television and speak disrespectfully about their women.
And for the record, to the people – men and women – who think
that’s what “keeping it real” means, I’m not affiliated with you either.
I don’t just blame the men. I blame the women who have
accepted being called Ho’s and B’s - in music and to their faces and by their
girlfriends. I blame the women who have presented themselves as a sex object
only – through their attire, their video appearances, their promiscuity, their “ratchet
twerking.” My sister/girlfriend put it best, “When I was growing up, only
unattractive girls had to put it out there like that on the dance floor (i.e.
ratchet twerking).” Now that’s the norm. Music videos are filled with beautiful
women dancing like a…like nothing but a sex object.
My sister/girlfriend went on to say that if young women
decided that men who chose to be felons, drug dealers and gangbangers were off
the date-able list, crime would drop to an all-time low. If men knew that once
they went to prison for some craziness, they’d never have another woman again, you’d
never see another man (worth having) in jail! The prison business would dry up.
If women stopped being attracted to the bad boys, and decided that
intelligence, respect and integrity was most attractive, more men would pick up
a book or go to college, and treat women with respect. We set the tone, “ladies,”
even men admit that. If we put it out there, they’ll take it!
But after presenting ourselves as anything BUT a wife, we
want men to respect us, and marry us, and be a good provider. We want the Bad
Boy to now become a Good Man. It doesn’t work that way.
I am not and have never been part of the culture that wants
to be called a B or Ho. I’m not and will never be part of the ratchet twerking
culture. I have never been part of the culture that thinks it’s cool to date a
man in prison. (What the what??) Bad boys are just that to me – Bad and Boys.
I'm attracted to Men.
Intelligent, confident men with integrity – regardless of
their ethnicity – are who does it for me. If that means I date outside my race,
so be it. I’ve never had a problem with that. I’ve decided that my “culture” is
no longer just my ethnicity. The culture I identify with is defined by what’s
on the inside. The culture that thinks calling women out of their name is okay,
that treats and condones promiscuity and infidelity like it’s the accepted norm
– I’ve turned in my membership card to that culture (if I ever had one). Tear a
stripe of my arm if you want to. I’m happy not to be part of your “Keeping It
Real, Ratchet Twerking” Club.
And, just “keeping it real” – it’s not just because I’m a “holier
than thou” Christian. I wasn’t a ratchet twerker, bad boy dater before I got
saved. I’ve always had more respect for myself than that! With very few exceptions,
I’ve dated amazing, intelligent, respectable men, by anyone’s standards.
Fortunately, I’m hearing from more and more people – men and
women, young and mature, from all ethnicities – who are fed up with the
twerking, the criminals, the promiscuity, the infidelity, the low standards, the
lack of respect, and the negative cultural stereotypes that seem to be both societal
and ethnic. A new culture is evolving, and I’m happy to be part of it.
I was so encouraged by reading a young, attractive, intelligent,
Black man’s Facebook post yesterday. It lets me know that a much-needed culture
shift is, indeed, occurring.
I hope he’s sitting up on the panel the next time I turn on
my television. He gives me hope.
