Over the past several days, many of my non-Black friends
have called, texted, emailed, and posted to ask if I’m okay. Many of them have
expressed frustration, outrage, and a sincere desire to do
something to
help.
Just the fact that they are checking on me is a start, and
it’s appreciated. This is honestly the first time that’s happened after a horrible
racial injustice, and there have been so many in recent years. Something has
definitely shifted, and it’s an important and necessary shift.
In answer to the question “What can I do?” – I’ve got a
list.
- See
us differently.
- Give
us the benefit of the doubt.
- Change
your language.
- Intervene
and speak up.
- Fight
the injustice with your wallet.
The first two will be the hardest, but if you can do them, the
rest will be easy, well, easier.
SEE US DIFFERENTLY
The Problem:
Many non-Blacks see Black people as dangerous, criminals,
unintelligent, violent and threatening. They especially see our Black men this
way. But, keep in mind, in their eyes, “men” can mean someone as young as 10.
What You Can Do:
Stop clutching your purse and crossing to the other side of
the street when you see us. Unless you’re in a dangerous neighborhood, where
everybody would clutch their purse regardless of who’s passing by them, you are
responding to deeply rooted stereotypes that are painful to us.
Here’s a tip: Change the face. If the person you’re passing
on the street was white, would you respond the same? If the children playing in
the park were white children, would you think of them as dangerous? See them
differently.
What You Need to Understand:
The Black friend you have is NOT the exception. They are
reflective of most of us. We are smart, talented, kind, safe, friendly and
compassionate – just like the stranger in your race.
Notice I said “reflective of most of us” not “they represent
most of us.” That’s because one person doesn’t represent the whole Black race. Just
as you know that one person doesn’t represent the whole White, Asian or Jewish
race. Should we assume all non-Black people are like Jeffrey Dahmer or Jeffrey
Epstein or Bernie Madoff? Think how you would feel if everyone you met thought
you were going to kill and eat them, molest their children, or steal their
money. It seems illogical to you, right?
This is what we live through every single day. And when
someone actually stops to get to know us, they say we’re “different.” No, we’re
not. You just see us differently. Try doing that with the whole Black race,
recognizing that, yes, sometimes there will be exceptions – just like in your
race.
By the way, you know that feeling of fear you get when you
pass a Black person on the street, or drive through a predominantly Black
neighborhood? We have that same feeling when driving through an all-white part
of town, driving at night, driving at all! And now, we get that same feeling
when going to the park, going for a jog, going for a walk – even in our own
neighborhoods!
GIVE BLACK PEOPLE THE BENEFIT OF
THE DOUBT
The Problem:
This is probably the most frustrating issue because it’s
verbalized often by non-Blacks who consider themselves objective or liberal.
“Well, I don’t want to rush to judgment.”
“Let’s see how the facts play out.”
“I’m sure the police wouldn’t have stopped him, arrested
him, used force unless he’d done something wrong.”
Or my personal non-favorite: “Why didn’t he just stop
resisting and do what the police said?”
What You Can Do:
First, admit to yourself that you do, indeed, rush to judgment,
just not in favor of Black people. You automatically assume the Black man or
woman must have done something wrong to be stopped and killed by police or even
by random citizens, like George Zimmerman (Trayvon Martin’s killer) and Gregory
and Travis McMichael (Ahmaud Arbery’s killers).
Maybe the dog walker was truly scared of the bird watcher. Maybe
George Floyd was still resisting…we couldn’t see his legs. Maybe Breonna snored
too loudly. Maybe, maybe, maybe…Just stop! Stop making excuses for anyone other
than the Black victim!
Admit you do this, then STOP doing it!
What You Need to Understand:
As Black people, we are almost never given the benefit of
the doubt, even from non-Blacks who like us. There are still people in our
country, even in law enforcement (which is most distressing), that feel like
Derek Chauvin, George Floyd’s killer, did nothing wrong by keeping his knee on
Mr. Floyd’s neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds. People have written, “If he
could still talk to say ‘I can’t breathe’ then he could still breathe.”
Again, let’s change the face. Let’s say a Black man had his
knee on a white man’s neck for nearly 9 minutes while the white man struggled
to breathe.
Let’s try another scenario. Imagine your white son or
daughter having an asthma attack and saying, as it started, “I can’t breathe.”
Would your response to them be, “If you can talk, you can
breathe”? Would you wait two minutes after they stopped talking, responding and
breathing before attempting to help them?
Whenever you hear of a news story like George Floyd’s
murder, and begin with, “Well…” as you work to excuse or understand the
perpetrator’s side, you are absolutely rushing to judgment – just not on our
behalf. Do not fool yourself. You are NOT being objective.
Instead, consider the fact that we are telling the truth. We
are not making this up. There is statistical evidence that Blacks (and, as
always, especially Black men) are stopped, frisked, fired upon, jailed and
killed at rates significantly higher than whites. If they live to have their
day in court, if found guilty, their sentences are typically harsher than their
non-Black counterparts.
It's interesting that Blacks don't get the benefit of the doubt whether they're the murderer or the murdered, but non-Blacks do, either way.
Some folks felt sorrier for Amy Cooper’s dog than they did
George Floyd. I didn’t read about anyone wondering if the dog, perhaps, deserved
the choke hold that Amy put him in. Nope. They just acted swiftly to protect
the dog. (The dog!)
I understand that you want to give police officers the
benefit of the doubt. You may be thinking since you personally haven’t had any
adverse interactions with them, we may all just be wrong. No. We’re not. There
is consistent, historical evidence of police brutality against Blacks.
I am not saying it’s always the case. But, based on
statistical evidence, it is more likely than not. Stop automatically giving the
non-Black perpetrator the benefit of the doubt, and try starting, just once,
from our perspective.
Here’s another analogy that may help:
Let’s say one of your white female colleagues or friends
comes to you with her face bruised and bloodied. She tells you her husband did
it. Is your response, “Well, he never hit me before. I’ve only known him to be
a nice man.” Or “Well, let’s wait and see how all the facts shake out.” Or “You
must have been resisting whatever he asked you to do.” No! You would never
respond this way!
Just as you wouldn’t assume your abused female friend was
playing the “helpless female” card, don’t assume that Blacks always play the
race card, because we don’t.
More That You Can Do:
So how else should you respond? Well, first, refer back to
step #1. See them differently. Change the face. Imagine it was your husband or child
in the position of the Black person.
Then, try these steps:
- Say
nothing - especially if your first mind is to give only the perpetrator the benefit of the doubt. Not one word. Do not defend the police or the perpetrator. Do not say
you’re not rushing to judgment. Say nothing. Anything you say will show that you’ve
already rushed to judgment – in support of the perpetrator.
- If
you have a Black friend, ask them about what happened. Don’t share your opinion
or ask for theirs in a judgmental way. Meaning, don’t say, “I heard about
George Floyd. Do you think he was resisting?” Instead, try, “The George Floyd
situation is awful. Can you tell me what you know about it?” And then truly listen.
- Then,
imagine you’re in a debate and your job is to argue from the side of the
victim. Go search for facts, videos, news articles to build your argument in
support of the victim. Just try it.
If after all that you still really just can’t empathize with
the victim or consider they may have been unfairly targeted or that excessive
force may have been used, then you may need to admit to yourself, “I will never
understand or empathize with Black people.” Seriously, it means your beliefs
are so ingrained, you may never give Blacks the benefit of the doubt, and you
will always be part of the problem.
I truly hope none of my friends fall into this category.
CHANGE YOUR LANGUAGE
The Problem:
There is a difference in how non-Black people speak of identical
behavior from Blacks vs. non-Blacks.
White people are “protestors and demonstrators who deserve
to have their voices heard,” even when they show up armed to the gills with
semi-automatic weapons.
Unarmed Black people are “rioters and looters,” who are “justifiably”
fired upon even during peaceful protests.
The media does not help, primarily because it is made up of
people with discriminatory views and opinions. (Not all, but some, and many
others who remain passively quiet.)
After a natural disaster, there were photo captions under two
pictures, one of a white man and one of a black man, both looting. Under the
picture of the white man, the caption read: “A father struggles to feed his
family, finding bread and soda from a local grocery store.”
Under the picture of the black man, the caption read: “New
Orleans residents began looting businesses, stealing whatever they could,
including food and water.”
In the workplace, a Black woman who stands up for herself or
her views is called hard-headed or angry. A Black man is called hostile or
threatening. Conversely, a white man when speaking forcefully, is considered
strong, powerful, authoritative, and passionate.
Statements like “you people” are offensive, just as
statements like “you women” or “you white men” would be. It dismisses whatever
your behavior, words or opinions are based on you being part of an inconsequential,
stereotyped subset.
What You Can Do:
The good news is that when you begin to see us differently
and give us the benefit of the doubt, your language will automatically change.
Until then, before you speak, think about whether or not you
would make your comment about someone you greatly respected or admired. Would
you make it about someone who looked like you?
This one is difficult because people often speak offhandedly
and offensively even about those they love.
So, make it personal. Don’t use adjectives that would be
offensive if someone said them to or about you. Don’t use phrases that would seem
judgmental, condescending or offensive, if spoken about you, your children,
your best friend, or your role model.
I tend to follow this, as a general rule: Don’t say anything
that, if it was found to be untrue or unnecessarily unkind, you would die on
the spot.
INTERVENE AND SPEAK UP
First, I have to say, I am thankful for all the people, Black
and non-Black, in our country and around the world who are speaking up, protesting,
and writing to our government and law enforcement officials to demand better!
The Problem:
When non-Black people hear their friends make racially
divisive comments, and don’t say anything, it’s a problem. When non-Black
people see an injustice happen and just shake their heads and turn off the TV,
or worse, stand and watch and do nothing (except maybe videotape), they are
part of the problem.
To be silent is to be complicit.
It is the same as watching a man beat a woman down in front
of you and not saying or doing anything. It’s the same as watching a woman
choke her child (or her dog) and not condemning the behavior.
There is a role that we, as Black people, must play. And
there is a role that you, as White or non-Black people, must play.
What You Can Do:
Yes, please, walk alongside us as we protest. They (the
perpetrators) need to see faces of all different colors, ages and genders
coming together as one.
You must also use your voice to condemn the behavior. When
you hear a racist comment from one of your peers, you must check them on it.
When you hear someone disparage, diminish or dismiss the phrase "Black Lives Matter," remind them that our country has shown time and time again that Black lives DO NOT matter. This is a desperate plea from a race that has been considered less than human for hundreds of years. Let them know that it is not only not necessary but it is cruel for them to respond with "all lives matter" or "blue lives matter." There is no comparison in our plight, as White Americans and police officers have not had to fight to keep from being considered 3/5 human. They have not suffered from institutional racism and brutality. If they can't get it from that, tell them to add the word "too" on the end of it. Then maybe they'll understand that Black Lives Matter, too. It's not an EXclusive statement, but right now it's clear that who matters is not INclusive of Blacks.
When you see something like the George Floyd murder, you
must call, write, and email the people in power, demanding justice.
People will more quickly listen and respond to people who
look like them. If you see something that’s wrong, don’t assume it will be
fixed on its own. Respond like you would if it was someone you cared about who was
murdered.
If you threaten or vow to withdraw your support, to tell
your friends, and to vote them out of office, they will start listening.
When you are silent, it is easy for them to keep doing what
they’re doing. They don’t care if only Blacks are outraged. But when Whites or
non-Blacks voice their outrage, that’s when they sit up and take notice.
FIGHT THE INJUSTICE WITH YOUR
WALLET
We all know that money talks.
I’m not just talking about making a donation to organizations
that support the families of those who have been wrongfully killed, or those
arrested for peacefully protesting, or those organizations that fight tirelessly
against racial injustice. Yes, do that.
I am also talking about letting companies know that you will
no longer buy their products or use their services based on their
discriminatory practices.
The Minneapolis School District did it with their wallet.
They ended their long-term contract with the Minneapolis Police Department.
That is a start.
It’s important that companies start to realize we (Blacks
and non-Blacks) will not reward or justify bad behavior and discriminatory
practices with our dollars (or our votes).
When you hit them in the pocket, change happens quickly.
A FINAL NOTE
While we appreciate the show of solidarity on days like “Blackout
Tuesday,” that should not be the sum total of what you do.
We are not looking for short-term outrage, or even long-term
change. We are looking for FOREVER change, a complete transformation. We need a
systemic and institutional overhaul that will stop racial discrimination,
police brutality, and judicial inequality FOREVER.
The five steps I’m suggesting are FOREVER steps. Not just “right
now” strategies.
- See
Black people differently, with respect and value.
- Give
Blacks the benefit of the doubt.
- Change
your language when you speak about Blacks.
- Intervene
and speak up when you see or hear racial discrimination.
- Fight
racial injustice with your wallet.
A NOTE TO MY BLACK
BROTHERS & SISTERS
When non-Blacks start to take action, when corporations
start to speak up, when police officers and departments start to positively change
their behavior and their practices – recognize they are starting to do better.
This is what we asked them to do. Condemning them as “Johnny come lately” or “jumping
on the bandwagon” is wrong.
Since we’re protesting and fighting and dying to get them to
do better, then we have to acknowledge when they actually start doing it. Criticizing
them for taking so long is counterproductive.
Constantly Thinking, Protesting, Praying… and Working Toward
a Better World