I know. It seems sexist. Racist. And stereotypical. Or would it be called racial profiling?
But, regardless of all that...
It is truly my opinion that most Black men are cowards. And, of the few that aren't, most of them have chosen a criminal lifestyle.
I can think of, maybe, ONE Black, educated man who isn't a coward (perhaps two - definitely no more than three!). I'm talking about man who would not only protect his woman, but would protect any vulnerable woman or child who happened to be victimized in his presence. Most would turn their heads, pretending they hadn't seen anything. Some would choose not to get involved - "not their battle, not their issue." A few might even attempt a weak intervention, backing off if the perpetrator seemed serious.
How many of you truly know a man - a Black man - who would stand up for what's right when everyone else around him - especially his peers - are going for what's wrong?
Most men - white, black, red or yellow - wouldn't do that. Just take a look at all the financial ruin we're in because of greedy, weak-minded, cowardly men 1) making bad choices, 2) willingly going along with them, or 3) choosing to look the other way.
I once dated a man who ran and hid when a riot broke out at a concert we attended together. I was left standing in the middle of the crowd because I wasn't even aware that there was a problem, until I saw him dive over a concession stand counter.
I was involved with a man who called his young son to protect him over the phone while he walked through a dangerous part of town. What the French Toast?!
Black men who are afraid to date strong Black women infuriate me. Of course, they say it's because they don't want the hassle - and that may be true for some. (I'll deal with angry, bitter Black women on another day.) But most of the Black men who don't date Black women, have NEVER dated a Black woman.
Why is it so hard to find an educated, truly strong Black man? Not one with false bravado. Lip service means nothing. Anybody can talk a good game. But the proof is in the pudding. Ladies, if you've ever been with a man who sensed danger around you and immediately put himself between you and it - you know what I'm talking about.
I'm not talking about bullies or abusive men. Those are the biggest cowards of all! They have to make others feel small to make themselves feel big.
And I'm definitely not talking about an arrogant man. One who uses or holds his intelligence or degrees over everyone else's heads, talking down to everyone he meets. But when push comes to shove and he has to actually apply that intelligence in a practical, tangible way he falters.
No. I'm talking about a man who is truly self-assured - who doesn't have to convince you with words. One who takes accountability for his actions, and therefore considers his actions before taking them. One who doesn't foolishly walk into a dangerous situation, but if confronted with one will face it head on - protecting what and who is his in the process.
Most Black men don't fit into this category - unless they're upper-level criminals. Seriously. This is why so many women - Black women - are attracted to bad boys. Bad boys are bad asses. They're not afraid to fight for what's theirs. And a woman REALLY wants a man who's willing to fight for her.
The thing about bad boys, though, is that they make bad choices. Their thinking is all wrong. They're unafraid, yet unwise. I don't date criminals - I don't care how brave they are.
Now don't get me wrong. I LOVE Black men. I am definitely not the typical, angry, bitter Black woman. I cherish my man when I'm in a relationship. I lift him up and encourage him to be all that he is and can be. But, with the exception of one, most Black men that I've dated have been intimidated by me and my (insert word here) - intelligence, ambition, self-confidence, you name it. I've actually been asked to just "tone it down" a little so that they can shine instead. They're attracted to my light, but then they immediately try to dim it. Again, except one. And, yes, that "one" was and is a real man, not a coward; educated, not a criminal; accountable but definitely a bad ass - but in a good way. Our timing was just off, unfortunately.
So, what's an intelligent, educated Black woman to do when she wants an educated bad ass man who can and will protect her, fight for her, and take accountability for his actions - but who's not a criminal? Where are they? What are we doing or not doing as Black parents - single or married - that we're not raising them up to be that way?
I like this mi hermana. Lots of truth packed in there. Fortunately, I was brave enough to read the whole thing and not feel bruised.
ReplyDelete(Which in my opinion says alot)
But Yeah I agree, the intelligent, brave, honorable black man who's packed with integrity is something of a rarity. But from a socio-economic perspective our rarity makes us a commodity, and with that often comes a misguided sense of entitlement or imperviousness. I've suffered from it and gotten over it myself. Though not without a fair measure of grief.
There are still a few lessons I needed to take with dad that would've made my life easier. But I agree, it begins with a solid parental foundation.
We teach our boys (and girls) with what tools we have at our disposal. Most parents these days only have a metaphorical hammer. Life requires a complete set of Craftsman tools.
Interesting and oh yeah ... OUCH!
ReplyDeleteAlthough tilted on a swaying axis, your view of Black men does have some validity. As a Black man, I have to state my obvious objection, but the simple fact is that much of what was written was true. I know many men that will stand up for whats right, fight and defend those that cant or wont, treat a lady like a lady and rob you blind when you aren't looking. I know many Black men who fit a few of those categories and even a few who are exactly as the ONE that you described. I know some cowards ... but I also know some real men. They are out there. They are rare, but good things should be. Otherwise, we (yes I wrote WE) would be like everyone else. We wouldn't be special.
As Frederick said, there are some lessons that come from Dear Ole Dad, but most has to come through trial and error and trying again to get it right.
The Black Man is a dieing breed. I have three after me to continue the legacy that I have done my best to build. I have to teach them all the things that I have learned from my father like ones and pray that some of it sticks so that they can build upon it. I promise you this ...
To any mothers and/or fathers out there. If you have daughters in the 10 - 13, or birth - 5 year old range, and you are concerned about the availability of a strong black man for your daughter in the future, look me up. I am building strong men of character, accountability and presence of mind. They will love God, themselves and any woman fortunate enough to call either of them husband. They will be educated and come prepared with a purpose not a proposal. They will not be cowards in any sense of the word. Look me up.
Keep up the thoughts Constant. And never tone yourself down for any man. If he can't appreciate the beauty and brilliance that He put in you, then he doesn't deserve you. And you don't need him.
These are my words.
This blog is right on... I also have been asked to "tone it down" but not by males... I was told by my girl friends and that my standards are too high. I feel that if I live by a certain standard, it's okay to want to expect that from a potiental significant other. Im having trouble accepting this advice from my friends... Never-the-less, I thought I was the only one who thought this....
ReplyDeleteHi Connie,
ReplyDeleteYou have always been someone with "clarity" as a strong suit, even when we were friends as teenagers!
You've said so much that I don't know where to start to reply.
Perhaps the propensity of people to look to their own race for mentoring can be one of the problematic outcomes that you've shared in the above post. Especially, if a disproportionate number of the males in a particular race happens to: (according to your words)
1) making bad choices, 2) willingly going along with them, or 3) choosing to look the other way.
It's like a cat chasing it's own tail following a bad example.
The strongest people (men and women of every race) are those who don't create their identity based on their race- they stand as individuals.
If you are "about representing your race" you will be liable for the good and bad that comes with the group.
I would rather represent myself, cultivate my own identity based on my personal strengths and talents instead of a group of people.
Too much herd mentality creates shallow character.
Shirley
I remember reading a book on the psychology of self actualization as a young man. The author (whom I can't recall) was writing about the mental trama and confusion that continues to affect people and cultures that find it difficult to operate in parity at the primary socio-economic levels. The most profound point that I remember from his statements was this "when a man is treated as a object or thing and not as a man, he or she becomes a mutation; losing the ability to operate in the purpose of their creation".
ReplyDeleteMany people operate in self-hatred, unable to connect because we carry baggage from history that holds us down without understanding or knowledge of its conception. We allow ourselves to become victims of comfort instead of taking the difficult path to create our own futures. In many instances, we as black still operate as slaves, to corporate masters now. We see what others want us to see, we think about what others want us to think about and we interact based on how others tell us to interact.
Black men and women in America have problems for the same reason that we always have- we men do not put ourselves in the position to be masters of our own destiny so we continue to last in/first out. We argue and fight with each other because someone else is controlling the creation of our joint legacies.
God has given us blessings and favor but we have to remember and walk towards it. When we stop fearing loss and move in our purpose, our spiritual, emotional, and personal growth will surely make our relationships more fruitful and beneficial.
Keep your Constant thoughts and insight moving. This dialog will certainly be a blessing to many.